


St Monans Ghost

by HurricaneScully



Category: The X-Files
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, F/M, First Time, Lord Mulder, Sister Dana Katherine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2018-12-16 20:20:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11836323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurricaneScully/pseuds/HurricaneScully
Summary: There's a ghost at St Monans forcing nun's to take their lives. Lord Fox Mulder is asked to help put the spirt to rest. While there he meets the captivating Sister Dana Katherine. Will the pair be able to save the Sister's of St Monans?ON HIATUS





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is my first official delve into the world of AU's. I'm loving it :-) Please let me know what you think. Hope you enjoy x

Lord Fox Mulder checked and triple checked all the information in the meager amount of papers he had accumulated. He felt certain that the letter he'd received requesting his help at a convent was a real honest to goodness paranormal sighting. He had such a fascination with everything other wordly and he felt for sure the answer behind his sister's disappearance lay in mysteries like this one.

Mulder's sister had been stolen many years ago when he was but twelve years old. She was a child of only eight and he was meant to be watching her for the night as his parents visited with some friends. A strange yellow light had appeared outside of their home, his body became an odd immovable stone figure and he could do nothing as she was whisked away out of the window and into the black night. He blamed himself entirely and he felt for sure that, although they never admitted it, his parents blamed him too. 

Since that night Mulder had taken to trying to solve mysteries pertaining to the paranormal. He had yet to find what he considered to be a true supernatural sighting but he kept trying. Either way he got some solace in helping others and with every mystery solved his heart felt a little lighter.

The Mulder family were very wealthy and after his sister, Samantha, had been abducted by some unknowable force his life and relationship with his parents had fallen rather quickly into disrepair. They used a tiny amount of their fortune to send their son off to boarding school away from Azure. He parent's, the last of his family, had passed on from this world to the next when he was eighteen. He'd only found out about their passing when he'd went home after finished his schooling. Such a short time, it seemed, to suffer such earth shattering grief. Thus he went into adulthood alone in the world. His inherited fortune and title doing nothing to warm his weary soul. His life had become nothing more than a mindless search for his lost loved one. To fulfil his duty of protecting her, to regain some family and love. 

He had no friends in his dreary village. Calls of cruel names followed him and a few of the young boys had taken to tormenting his live stock and their keepers. At first the village had pitied Lord Fox Mulder for his losses but as time passed and he became more of a recluse and more interested in the paranormal, they had shunned and mocked him. The letter from St Monans couldn't have come at a better time. It was spring and the weather was so nice that he longed to walk or ride out in it but he didn't want to invite any attention to himself by wandering in the village.

The mystery he'd been asked to help with was about a ghost at St Monans. They reported a screaming apparition and there had been a series of suicides at the convent. Suicide was a sin, deeply forbidden in a nun's eyes, so the Mother Superior believed the spirit had to play a part in their demise. Who had the right to end a life God had made? Not even the one who's soul resided within should laugh at God's creation and defy his will. It was therefor assumed by all of the residents at St Monans that the specter had something to do with the deaths. The Sister's at the convent now all feared for their own lives and immortal souls.

The Mother Superior had contacted the authorities after the second suicide. She'd been hysterical but the local police didn't find much of a crime in suicides and gave only a half harted preliminary investigation. Then they had abandoned the case, all claims made by the Sisters and the Mother Superior of St Monans were soon forgotten. Then the poor fearful Mother had sent for Mulder by letter when another woman had hanged herself. Mulder knew the painful aftermath of suicide well and he was glad, for once, that his reputation for being interested in the paranormal preceded him. He would do anything he could to offer peace and closure to someone going through such a dreadful thing. The Mother Superior knew as well as the majority of Azure did that he was a strange recluse who fixated on all things relating to the supernatural. Although Mulder guessed his reasoning for it, word of his sister abduction had not reached the ears of those outwith his village. 

Mulder prayed to any deities that may be listening that helping the sister's of St Monans would somehow help in healing his heart and set him on the path to finding his own dear sister. 

He settled down for the night, hoping to get atleast his usual three hours sleep before he left at 5am. Thankfully he was a great rider, his horse was fast and extremely reliable, as loyal to Mulder as any dog so he was sure to get to St Monans well before lunch if he set off early enough. He had packed earlier that night. The Mother Superior was so grateful that he was coming to investigate that she had offered to allow him free room and board. A testament to how desperate they were, as normal circumstances dictated that no one other than the faithful could reside there, especially a man. It was unheard of and Mulder was extremely grateful for the kindness.

****

Mulder arrived at St Monans a little after 11am. The ride had taken a lot less time than he thought it would have. It had been relaxing and the scenery was breathtaking so he was almost sad when he arrived so soon. Although his back side surely thanked him. He pulled up outside of a very large stately building, though he didn't have much of an eye for architecture even he had to say that the convent was beautiful. More like a castle with it's little turrets and huge wrought iron gate than anything else. It was stunning at intricately designed, almost gothic looking. 

He dismounted Lightning and tied her up around the side of the building, towards the back where a stable sat with all the appropriate fixings for her. He stroked her soothingly for awhile, feeling comfort in the familiarity of her soft flank and her usual sounds. He kissed her goodbye and walked back around to the front of the walled in building. 

He rung the huge bell pull at the iron gate. It lead into a rather large square court yard, an old cobbled one, with sheltered walkways around it that were held up by pillars of grey stone. After spying through the iron bars for what felt like a long time an elderly nun came bustling towards him.

"Hello, I'm Fox Mulder. The, uh, Mother Superior knows that I..."

"I know dear. I am this Abbey's Mother. Welcome to our home, Lord Mulder." She said with a wide smile and unbolted the gate.

"Just Mulder" He interrupted her with a slight flush on his cheeks. He hated to be known as a lord. Just because his family had left him wealthy and in charge of some land didn't make him feel worthy of such a title.

"I am very grateful for your presence, Mulder." She said with emphasis on his name and a smile. She ushered him in and bolted the gate behind them, it make a large clang as the heavy bolt slid home. "I hope it will help to calm the fears of the sisters and put that poor apparition to rest." She told him as she led him through the spacious court yard. "I fear it may attempt to steal another of God's children before long" 

"What makes you think that?" He asked, hearing the slight hint of panic and worry in her voice.

"Nothing in particular I suppose, more a gut feeling of foreboding. I guess I just worry for the sister's here and feel responsible for those lives lost. God rest their souls." Mulder saw a tear glint in her eye. He wasn't sure what to say back to her. He didn't feel like the best person in the world at giving comfort, perhaps as he'd never received any himself. He know exactly how she felt though, the sorrow, the grief, the feeling of guilt, the fervent wish that you could have done something, anything to stop the loss of life.

"I can assure you that none of this is your fault." He said after a few moments. The nun blinked her eyes and gave him a tight lipped smile. 

"In your letter you said that a Sister Dana Katherine was the one to find sister Theresa after her, um, attack" He didn't want to say suicide and remind the Mother Superior that these woman had indeed killed themselves. They *had* taken their own lives although the spirit was believed to be behind it. It would upset the Mother too much to say anything other than an attack, he was sure. 

They'd reached the inside of the castle like convent, it was just as huge as Mulder had suspected. Made of stone and upon nearly every wall there lay tapestries and statues, sconces and portraits. The bright sconce light seemed to dance over the walls and illuminate everything in a grand manner. He never usually payed any interest in religious art works but he found himself gawping a little in awe at the beauty he was surrounded in. 

"Yes, she did. I'm afraid I haven't the time to talk properly just now and I must show you to your room and leave you. I have a rather urgent matter to deal with. I'm sure sister Dana Katherine will be more than happy to speak with you" 

"Something serious?" He asked, hoping that the Mother didn't have something else to add to her worries.

"No, no. One of our newest member's, a new postulant, is finding our life here a little difficult and wishes for a council with me. I can't say the untimely deaths have helped any in soothing her" her brow furrowed as she talked, a look of grave concern crossing weary features.

"I see. I'm sorry to hear that. Will I be able to speak with Sister Dana Katherine just now or is it best to wait? I don't want to disturb anything here" He told her. He didn't want to cause unnecessary waves or disrupt the lives there but he was anxious to get started. He may not hold much stock in organised religion but if he had any hope of solving this mystery then he'd have to respect all the goings on of the Abbey. He hoped this adventure would help him in gaining some insight into what happened to Samantha so he had to conduct the investigation to the best of his ability.

"She should be back from mid morning prayer by now. It finished about half an hour ago. She does have rather a free spirit though and tends to frequent the garden's in her free time" She told him with a bit of humour in her voice. Mulder couldn't tell why it was something she'd find charming or amusing. 

"Could you perhaps point me to the gardens?" He wanted to hurry up and find out what Sister Dana Katherine had seen, if anything. He was excited over the prospect that someone had potentially been witness to the supernatural. 

"Ofcourse. It's just passed my chamber's so I'll walk you there. You're room is just up here. You can put your bags there's first and I'll take you to the gardens. It can be somewhat of a labyrinth here, I'm afraid" She joked. He chuckled with her. "May I ask how you got here, Mulder?" She asked as they walked down many corridors.

He'd thought a Mother Superior would automatically be a dull and quiet woman but she wasn't. She was old but not out of touch, witty but not inappropriately so. He could probably get to like her. He realised with a start.

"I rode my horse, Lightning here. I hope you don't mind but I tied her at the stable."

"No, no. I don't mind at all. I'll send someone out with some lunch for her. It's not often we get to see such a creature" She smiled at him. He realised with a sudden surprising dash of shame he hadn't even asked her her name. 

"I, uh, What's your name? I mean... I don't want to offend or..." He didn't know the correct way to treat a woman that was so devout. Was it an offence to ask her given name? She'd clearly worked up the ranks to earn her title as Mother Superior, perhaps she wanted to always be referred to as such.

"Oh, sorry, dear. I confess my mind isn't where it ought to be what with all the goings on of late. I'm Pauline and you may, of course, call me that if you wish." They got to his room and he dumped his bag on the bed. He'd unpack it all later. Right now he wanted to find this Sister Dana. "I hope our accommodations are acceptable to you. We live fairly modestly here in the convent, I'm afraid." 

"No, it's perfect. Thank you very much for allowing me to stay" He said. He may not know much about a convent but he knew his presence was definitely not a normal situation. Mother Superior simply smiled at him as he looked quickly around the room.

There was a single bed under a paned window. He'd have to get used to sleeping on a small bed again. He hadn't slept in a single bed since boarding school. Not that he slept well anyway. A very small bathing closet sat through a door. Complete with bathing tub and porcelain jug. He felt a small dart of worry. He hadn't bathed himself in years and he'd never drawn his own tub water. He'd figure it out, he was sure. The tin tub was too small to lay in but he knew that was the norm outwith the privileged society he'd come from. Most people stood as they bathed and poured clean water over themselves. He cast his eyes around again and spotted nothing much else except a large armoire and a looking glass. He turned with the Mother Superior and left the room. It didn't have a lock on the door.

"So have you had a solid description of the spirit? Perhaps from Sister Dana Katherine or anyone who has seen it?" He asked her as they walked to the gardens. 

"Yes, the sister's who have passed, God rest their souls, as well as Sister Dana Katherine explained to me exactly what they saw. She appears as though she is crying or perhaps screaming. It depends on the day, I think. She is dressed in the style of an ancient nun but I cannot disern much beyond that as she doesn't speak. Not a word." They stepped out of the corridor and into the sun light. "Here we are... And there is Sister Dana Katherine, just as I suspected." She whispered with an indulgent smile.

Mulder couldn't see anything of the nun, her back to them, pottering around with what looked like mint growing in the garden. She was humming as she brushed the leaves. A soft, slightly off key sound that sent his heart fluttering. He frowned and calmed himself.

"Sister?" Mother Superior said loudly, getting the young woman's attention. She whipped around and Mulder felt his breath catch, like a punch to the gut, stealing his air. He'd never seen someone so beautiful. Not even her habbit and veil could cover her utterly preposessing beauty. 

Sister Dana Katherine had the bluest eye's Mulder had ever seen. Like rare sapphires dazzling him in the sun light. He tried to slow his heart rate. He had no idea what had come over him! He'd never had such a flood of emotions, so suddenly, so unexpectedly. She stood quickly and Mulder felt his stomach flop and his heart fly. She was so tiny! So petite and delicate and he felt an odd surge of protectiveness for her. He couldn't begin to fathom why he was being so affected.

"I'm sorry, Mother. I, I had some free time and I just... the mint is almost ready to be picked and so I..." She broke off, looking ashamed of herself. Her checks flushing and showing up her childish freckles even more. Pauline chuckled affectionately.

"It's all right, Sister" She told her in a soothing tone. "I'd like you to meet someone." She turned in between them "Sister Dana Katherine this is Fox Mulder. He's here to hopefully help us put the spirit of the nun to rest and to calm all of our fears." Dana Katherine nodded shakily. She looked a little scared. Mulder was silently glad Mother Superior had not introduced him ad a lord.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Mulder." She said and shook his hand. She had more strength than he would have thought could fit in such a tiny frame. He smiled and shook back.

"Likewise, Sister Dana Katherine. And I prefer just just Mulder" He managed to croak out. His voice felt stuck somewhere on it's way up his throat. He tried to ignore the impulse to kiss her stupid and rut against her like an animal. He mentally rolled his eyes and chided himself for a somewhat boyish reaction to a pretty woman.

His heart clenched at how devastatingly stunning she was all the same though and he could understand the bizarre need animals felt to pee on what was theirs in the instant her sea blue wet doe eyes met his. He would do *anything* to mark her for himself and scare off all other suters. 

She smiled as he reluctantly let her hand go, remembering that the Mother Superior was still there. Her lips were incredible. So pouty and full, Bee stung and kissable. He scolded himself. She was a nun for Christ's sake! It wasn't as if he could take her out for dinner and drinks, then back to his place for something more intimate. 

"I must get going. I'll leave you both to it." She told them both with an extra smile for Dana Katherine. She smiled back and Mulder indulged in watching the way her little white teeth shone out from between her plump lips for a moment since they were watching each other and not him. Mother Superior turned to Mulder. "Lunch is at half past twelve to which you are, of course, invited. Be sure to tell him everything you remember Sister." She then left the two together.

Mulder felt like an ass. He had practically forgotten all about the reason he was there. He stood slightly awkwardly with Sister Dana Katherine. She didn't seem to mind and just keep looking up at him, smiling a gentle friendly smile at him. 

"I, uh, I like mint" He blurted out and rolled his eyes skyward. What an idiot! What was he playing at? Was he seriously thinking about trying to flirt with a nun. Moron! That was not why he was here! He should be asking about the ghost. She positively beamed at him and he felt his disgust at himself lessen immediately. 

"Me too. Would you like to see it?" She asked excitedly. She was so damned innocent and cute.

He nodded "Sure" She turned around and grabbed behind her for his hand. He flushed at the touch although she clearly didn't seem to think it held any meaning. Her hand was tiny and baby soft, like satin or silk in his much larger one. He allowed himself on glance down to their cupped hands and felt his stomach turn over in pleasure. Her delicate ivory skin seemed to shin against his weathered tan. She pulled him a little and he went willingly, his hand almost engulfing her tiny one as he clasped her back firmly, indulging in the feel.

Sister Dana Katherine knelt to the ground and released his hand. He instantly missed the connection and knelt to the paved pathway between the greenery with her.

"It's here. It beautiful, isnt it?" She said in a calm clear voice. 

"Yes. Beautiful" Mulder said staring at her profile. She had such a perfect nose too, auqeline and strong, almost regal somehow. Fit for a queen or a goddess, Mulder thought. How was she so gorgeous? So flawless. She made his heart hammer in his chest and a feeling he'd never known before twist through all the cells of his being. Maybe praying did something to one's complexion because she had such perfect ivory skin, warm milk sprinkled with cinnamon. He just couldn't bring himself to look away. 

She turned to him and smiled "We're not to take any for ourselves. We must wait until it's to be picked, it's stealing otherwise, a sin." She gazed at him. There could be no other term, Mulder was sure, she gazed. "I just come here to smell it. To smell how fresh it is" She blushed becomingly at him and broke their eye contact. "I'm sure it will be ready to pick soon and we'll be able to eat it in meals and drinks." She told him in a somewhat dreamy fashion, looking deeply into his eyes again. He snapped out of the daze he was in. He seemed to keep getting stuck in her eye's, magnetised to them, a pull so strong he could hardly ignore it. He was almost glad when she'd looked away. It gave him a few seconds to collect himself before she looked back.

"What's your favourite? Thing with mint I mean?" He asked, looking down at her. He felt like a young boy flirting with the most popular girl at school. 

"Hmm... I like ice cream the best, I think" She told him, looking up at him and she gave him an almost cheeky smile "Although Sister Theresa makes... uhh, *made* lemonade with mint which was wonderful... perhaps my favourite would have..." She broke off, her eyes filling with moisture. Her brows furrowing up and her mouth drooped as she thought about it and remembered the loss of her fellow Sister. He felt badly for putting such a devesting look on her face. He chose not to think too hard on it, he couldn't think of her pain without confronting his own so he ignored the forceful desire to touch her and calm her. To comfort her. He stopped looking at her. Mulder's mind switched back away from it, shying from the pain. It supplied him with the image of a non alcoholic version of a drink he'd once seen at Fortwell. 

He had been told it was a refreshing lady's drink while on a holiday with his parents all those years ago. It consisted of a white spirit, lime, lemonade and fresh mint. His mother had drank many throughout their time there. 

He and his parents had gone to Fortwell to summer a few short months after Samantha was stolen from them. They'd been several time's before and he correctly assumed his parents, certainly his mother, was keeping up appearances and her class status by going again. He'd tried many interesting and curious things while there, as he always did. It was an expensive place to travel to but many of the kingdoms nobility summered there. An act of showing off their wealth, Mulder was sure. His family was no different. 

His grandfather had made their fortune by discovering a type of oil that made candles almost obsolete. All of the wealthy saw it as a must have and throughout the years the rare commodity had become common place. Even the convent had its sconces filled with it. The oil burned much longer and brighter than candles thus the Mulder estate was formed and cemented long before Fox Mulder was even born.

The families wealth grew exponentially since then and no longer needed cared for. Mulder's server's and factory workers dealt with it all. Leaving him free to pursue his desire to find his sister. 

It was many miles from Azure to Fortwell and took a great time to reach by ship. Atleast four days, but the sun and rare foods alone made the somewhat perilous journey worth while for those who could afford it. That had been just a few months after Samantha had been taken from their home. A slightly happier time when they all thought she would return. 

He knew now that they had been kidding themselves that she would return. They were simply keeping up appearances for one another. It was perhaps the last good memory he had of his parents. That must be what lemonade with mint was like, he thought, bringing himself back out from the memory. He smiled at Scully and she grinned back at him. Her tears having disappeared. He found her even more magnificent with each passing moment. He was too lost to stop himself already. 

"I like mint choc chip ice cream the best. I had it once at Fortwell" He smiled at her. He hoped ignoring her pain and carrying on the conversation was a good move. He knew he'd have to ask her about Theresa's death soon but instead of being excited by it, he now dreaded it. Now wasn't the time to see more tears in her eyes, he decided. "Have you tried that?" 

"No" She said sadly. "We eat what we grow and get our meats from the butcher in town. We can't grow cocoa beans in this climate" 

"You've never had chocolate?" He asked kindly, assuming he already knew the answer. He wouldn't be shocked if she hadn't. He had traveled a great deal more than many of the people of Azure so he had tried a great deal more. Chocolate was extremely expensive and rare in the kingdom of Azure, few places stocked it.

"I actually have. Just not for many years." She leaned closer to him "I loved it" she whispered and gave him a shy smile "It was my favourite treat when I was younger. My father would bring it back for me rather often" she broke off, her face took on a shadowed sadness again that made his heart ache.

"When did you move here?" He asked, trying to bring back the carefree look she usually had. It didn't work, if anything the sadness that had passed over her features darkened and deepend, he regretted his question.

"I, um, I've been here since I was young." She said. She did not elaborate. He wanted to bring back her heavenly smile.

"It seems like a very nice place to live. It's beautiful" He told her, not taking his eyes off her for a moment. The sadness faded slowly and she brightened again. He was glad and smiled softly at her.

"Oh, it is. It's wonderful here. It's not very easy sometimes though... well... I mean to say that *I'm* not very easy" She gave a small shy smile again. "Did you enjoy Fortwell? I've never been away from Azure." She told him. It seemed as though she was genuinely interested in his time there. Perhaps, he dared hope, she was simply interested in him and his life. He wasn't used to anyone actually caring what he thought or did and it took him aback somewhat that this angel might.

"I enjoyed it very much. It is, perhaps, the last truely happy memory I have of my parent's" He confessed and then felt ashamed for telling her. For pulling her inadvertently into his dreary past. 

She said nothing for a long while and seemed to be lost in thought. "Have you not seen your parents in a long time?" She asked in a voice that sounded, perhaps, a little nervous. As though she feared she shouldn't be asking or she was confused as to why she did. 

"They passed away a few years ago when I was eighteen" He told her. He felt her watching him intently and didn't want to meet her eyes and see the look of pity he knew she'd have. He had become all too used to seeing that look from the villagers. Then he'd started making a name for himself by solving cases like this and the pitying looks were replaced by fear or worse.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Mulder" She said and gripped soothingly at his arm. His eyes met her's of their own accord and rather than the look of pity he'd grown accustomed to, he found a clear look of understanding and sympathy. As though she knew the exact nature and amount of pain he was in. Her eyes filled with tears again and she half whispered out "I know how it feels to lose all you once held dear" she blinked furiously. "But you always find something new to support you and warm you in life's coldest moment's, if you're willing to accept it" She smiled at him and let go of his arm.

She seemed wise beyond her year's and he wanted to know what had ever happened to her to make such a young beautiful woman so knowledgeable of the pain life can bring. She was, by his estimation, only a few years younger than him, three at most, around nineteen or twenty. 

"You're right. The universe has a way of sending us the good in life we so desperately seek when we arw most in need of it." He ran his hands through his hair. He felt as though she could see straight through him and know somehow that he was talking about her. That already he felt like the universe had sent her to him. Like it was fate, destiny. 

An odd snort could be heard from a little ways off and Scully startled a little, staring with fright at the direction of the noise. Mulder knew exactly what the noise was. He'd heard it every day since he was eighteen.

"Its just my horse, Lightning" He grinned. 

"You have a horse" her eyebrow's tried to reach her hairline. She seemed very impressed by that. Mulder nodded to her with a sheepish sort of gaze. It was often easy for him to forget that he was very privileged. Perhaps it was due to his almost solitary lifestyle or maybe because so many of those he'd went to school with were of similar backgrounds. Horses were expensive to buy and even more expensive to keep. Many in Azure had never even been near one of the stunning creatures. It was a relatively poor place.

"I can show you her if you like. She's just outside. I tied her up and I think she's getting lonely" He smiled at her. He hadn't realised they were so close to the stable area he'd tied Lightning up in. Sister Dana Katherine seemed to consider for a moment before hesitantly giving her answer.

"I... can't. I'm not permitted to leave the convent. I'm not a nun yet, not really. I'm just a postulant. I've yet to take my vows, until I do I cannot go outside, I'm meant to study and prepare for my future life." She looked saddened by the thought. She blinked "At any rate I'd probably do something wrong" She chuckled in a self depreciating way. Blushing furiously she continued. "I've never been close to such a large animal before" she added sheepishly. "I've always wished to ride one though. My mother used to tell me I would never manage. I'm so clumsy I'm sure she was right. I'd fall off" She chuckled again. He wanted to offer to teach her to ride. Lightning was very patient and had never bucked anyone so he doubted the horse would take unkindly to Scully. She'd just told him she wasn't allowed to leave though so he knew it wasn't the best thing to say. He found it hard to understand why she wasn't allowed out, it seemed odd. Like a prison term.

"I find it hard to believe that you'd falter, Sister Dana Katherine" He told her in a quiet voice. The tips of his ears turning red at his admittion. His mind gaving him a very pretty imagine of her ridding Lightning, sitting straddled infront of Mulder as the horse rode at a gallop, her bottom pressed perfectly into his crotch. She'd be magnificent. He scolded himself for once again allowing such feelings and images to run wild in his mind. He was sure it would calm down given time, just as crushes always did. That's what his feelings had to be, a crush, some silly infatuation. A small fire that flamed bright and violent but inevitably, and often quickly, burned itself out. He was being ridiculous thinking about fate and destiny when he hardly knew her.

"Would you... call me Scully?" She looked at him through her long lashes as she asked him in a soft whispered voice.

"I can call you whatever you'd like" He told her, his voice slightly seductive by accident. He knew she was too innocent to pick up on it and he scolded himself once again for trying to be flirty with such an innocent young woman. "Can I ask why?" She blushed scarlet as his question.

"It's my last name and sometimes... I'm not sure... I feel like I'm... forgetting it or something. It's nice to hear. It reminds me of... well, It makes me feel good" He felt a ripple of excitement flow through his body as he though about a million other ways he could make her feel good. Much more interesting ways! It pleased him greatly to know she was allowing him to call her something no one else did too.

"I'll always want to make you feel good, Scully" He told her sincerely.


	2. Chapter 2

Mulder and Scully spoke for awhile, sat in the heat of the garden surrounded by the scent of mint, enchanted with each other. Time seemed to pass far too quickly for Mulder, he wanted to just get lost in her conversation. They never touched on the case which he had all but forgotten about once he decided not to bring more tears to her eyes.

Their conversation never seemed to deepen and they spoke of things that Mulder might, under normal circumstances, find mundane. The weather, the kingdom of Azure and it's workings, food and the ocean. 

She seemed to love talking about the water and asked him several questions about his travel over the sea to Fortwell. The ocean and its fish were a common enough subject since the kingdom of Azure was well known for it's fishing and was surrounded by the ocean. The very name of the kingdom itself meant blue, named for the beauty and mystery within the oceans depths. Scully spoke of it with more passion than anyone else he'd known, a bizarre kind of fearful worship entering her voice as she spoke of the open seas. He wondered why she spoke with such awe. It seemed as if there was a story there that he wanted desperately to hear.

Mulder had some difficulty keeping up with her intelligent conversation some of the time. His mind choosing instead to catalog every single line and freckle on her face. She was far too captivating to remember much of anything but the shade of her eyes and the shape of her lips. He wished more than anything he could see her without her veil. Know what colour her hair was. He guessed blonde. Most people with such bright blue eyes had blonde hair. Didn't they? Both of his ex's had been brunettes so she was automatically different. Why was he thinking in terms of relationships he questioned himself sternly. Annoyed at the wayward thought he kept having.

He'd only been involved with one woman since his return from school to Azure. A noble woman named Diana. She wasn't a kind woman but their match would have benifited both parties, stabilising and even improving both their financial prospects and their standing within the social structure. The courtship lasted barely three months however as Mulder soon grew bored of her social climbing and underhanded ways. She pretended to believe in the paranormal as he did but he came to realise it was nothing but a means of gaining control over him. 

Diana had been a brunette as had the more serious girlfriend he'd had while at school. It was almost a shock to him, therefore, that he had done nothing but fantasise and daydream about Scully's blonde hair since he'd first thought of it. Even while she was crouching a few feet from him he couldn't stop thinking of her in his bed. He should be embarrassed by how much he wanted to see those baby blues roll back in her head with pleasure.

He knew it was such a typical male thing to be proud of but he had actually had sex, multiple times infact, and he couldn't help but feel proud of it. It had been with his boarding school girlfriend and, although it was such a typical male thing he missed the feeling a lot. He wished for his first time to have meant more and for the first woman he'd been with to be the only one, to have let it led to marriage and forever. He didn't regret it though and he knew he would never have a normal life with a wife and children so why dwell in it. He was an outsider and considered a freak among his peers so he was very unlikely to take a wife. Diana had been his only chance for such a thing and no power on the earth could have made him marry that woman.

Woman from other lands seemed much freer about sex and such things. They had no need for promises of forever to take a man to bed and for that he was grateful. Had he not been over seas for school he'd have been like most other unmarried men his age, pure and virginal. There were those, of course, who chose to pay certain woman at the saloons to join their beds for a time. Mulder could never imagine taking pleasure from such loose woman. 

His old girlfriend had been beautiful but rather manipulative too. It seemed he was drawn to beautiful but cruel woman. That is until he met Scully. He could never envision her being cruel to anyone or anything and she was certainly beautiful, much more so than either Phoebe or Diana. Sadly she would never see him as anyone other than the ghost hunter.

A loud bell clanged and startled them both. They'd been caught in each others eyes, gazing intently at the other as they spoke freely and openly. She'd been chatting away and he'd been lost in her when the bell went off. She put her cool hand on his thigh to steady him as he jumped a little. Well, jumped as best as he could while crouching. 

"It's just for lunch" She told him with a cheeky smile.

"Right" he said sheepishly and stood up. He automatically held his hand out for hers. She took it and he pulled her gently up. 

"Ooph" She cried as she stumbled and fell onto his chest. Her legs weak from crouching for so long. His arms went quickly around her waist on impulse as she clutched at him to steady herself. Mulder felt blood rush straight to his cock at the feeling of her petite hot body pressed against him. Her habit was definitely hiding atleast an amazing waist. He bit the inside of his cheek to will away the impending erection, almost drawing blood. He doubted she'd talk so much with him if she felt the hard length of his desire for her pressed up against her stomach.

They stayed standing in each others arms for a moment. His breath coming in pants as he calmed himself. Her head rested under his chin. He eventually looked down at her and she cast her huge sapphire eye's up at him, her chin resting on his chest. She looked confused and he couldn't be sure as to why. Her eyes darted from his to his mouth and back again. He felt her shake a little in his arms yet still he did not pull away. How could he when she felt so good? 

She frowned after a moment of eye contact and then brought her small fingers slowly up to his face, tracing over his lips. She kept her eyes on his the whole time, ocean meeting forest. Mulder got lost in the sensation as her finger brushed gently over his mouth, never straying. Her fingers felt so soft! He wanted to kiss her more than he'd ever wanted anything. Just a downwards tilt of his head and he'd meet her rosebud lips. She trailed two fingers over his full bottom lip again, this time he groaned. Her eyes filled with fear and an even deeper confusion. She practically jumped away from him and he instantly let go of her.

"I'm sorry, Scully" He wasn't exactly sure what he was apologising for but he knew that no matter what the situation he hated to see her afraid. 

"No, no... It's...I" She broke off with a strange sigh, almost an angry one. "Let's go for lunch" She said. He saw her force her face into an emotionless mask. He wished he could decipher the blank look she had as she turned on her heel and walked away from the garden and from him. He cast his eyes upwards, sending up a silent prayer to her god for strength and followed her an instant later.

They walked in silence. She seemed lost in her thoughts and he didn't want to interrupt her or to bring up what had happened in the garden with her. What had that touch to his lips been about though? Why had she done it? She had looked at him as a lover and he so badly wanted to ask her why. To know what was going on in her pretty little head. He knew he shouldn't though. Her dreamy gaze had quickly mophed and she looked like a terrified lamb going to slaughter when he'd groaned from her touch.

"Sister Dana Katherine!" Came a shout from a large trestle table as they got into the main hall. It was a huge, but somehow cosy feeling, room, the focal point of which was two of the long solid mahogany tables. Many tapestries adorned the stone walls and as with the rest of the convent there were crucifixes fixed to any space left on them. One table was full and the other, the one the nun had called from, was quickly filling. A sea of black and white from the nun's habits.

"Good afternoon, Sister Beth." Scully said back with a smile, greeting the other nun as she got further into the hall, Mulder at her heels. A rather beautiful, slightly overweight woman with huge happy red cheeks stood up from the bench at the table.

"Would you both like to join us Sister?" Beth asked with a pointed look at Mulder. She looked at him as though she'd never seen a man before. Mulder wondered if she ever had. If the sisters were rarely permitted to leave the convent then he guessed not. 

"Oh" Scully started, seeming to have forgotten Mulder's presence or atleast pretended to "I'm sorry. This is my friend, Mulder" Mulder's heart lept at being called her friend but calmed just as quickly when he realised she was probably just being polite and unsure of what else to introduce him as. "He's going to help with our ghost and hopefully put her to rest. We're going to eat outside in the garden actually but thank you very much for your offer" She told her with a kind smile. She hadn't asked Mulder but where she went he already knew he'd follow willingly. He was also glad that lunch would mean more one on one time with her.

"It's nice to meet you." Sister Beth said to him with a huge toothy smile. "Mother Superior told us of your visit. I hope you like it here" She told him.

"I'm sure I will. Thank you" He smiled back. 

"Let's go get lunch" Scully said, walking towards a line with trays. She seemed to be in a very strange mood and Mulder knew it must have something to do with what had happened in the garden. He'd have to ensure he never did anything to make her uncomfortable again.

"Mmm... it's shepherds pie" Scully told him, passing him a metal tray and sitting hers on the runner to wait for her food. He made sure not to touch her at all, keeping about a foot back from her and taking the tray by the opposite edge from the one she held. He didn't want to frighten her by acting like the love sick puppy he felt. She kept her hungry eyes on the big oven dish of pie and the string beans and carrots, almost resolutely avoiding eye contact with him. Mulder copied her, putting his tray beside hers, feeling very much like he was at his boarding school again. The set up was identical.

His parent's had sent him off on a ship to the prized boarding school a few months after their vacation together at Fortwell so he was well versed in the lunch formation. He still thought they had just used his education as an excuse to get rid of him back then. He enjoyed his time at the school more than he had enjoyed life for many years and he felt guilty about it, he still did, in a way. Guilty that he'd forgotten his sister somewhat and enjoyed simply being a teenager. It was a shameful thing, he thought, to have enjoyed being away from the pain, to have forgotten. 

He reluctantly left his school at eighteen to return home. He found it empty. He'd heard a, now familiar, neigh and gone to the stables in curiosity. His parents old decaying corpses hung from the rafters of the stables. They'd died several months earlier. Committing suicide rather than facing him without Samantha when he came home. That's when he'd met Lightning, his horse. It had been the foal that had been making noise. The horse served as his only comfort in such an awful time and he'd spent as much time with her as anyone would a pet.

"Do you like shepherds pie?" He asked needlessly. It was clear from her words and excitement she did. 

"Mhm" She said and nodded vigorously in a childlike fashion which only made her more desirable somehow. She was paying attention to the line and what the nun's were doing as they dished out the pie and vegetables. Then she did something that made Mulder want to scream. She licked her lip, slowly running her tongue over her puffy upper lip in an unbelievably suggestive manner, atleast it was to him although he highly doubted she knew the affect the action had. It was hands down the most erotic thing he'd ever seen. 

"Good afternoon, Sister Dana Katherine" one of the cooks said as she served the woman in line before Scully. "How are you?" 

"Hello Sister Sarah. I'm very well thank you. This is my friend Mulder." She smiled over at Mulder and he felt himself smiling back. It was the first proper time she's looked him in the eye since they'd left the garden. "He's helping solve the ghost problem" She told her with a raised eyebrow and a small smile.

"Welcome to St Monans." The woman said with a smile at Mulder. "How is your garden getting on?" Sarah asked kindly, turning back to Scully as she dished up portions of food for Scully and Mulder. The shepherds pie looked wonderful and Mulder felt his mouth water at the smell of it and the vegetables. It wasn't a luxurious meal but it looked heartier than anything he'd had in a very long time. 

His servants had tried to maintain some semblance of normality after his parents had hanged themselves but they'd given up after a few months of him not eating the food the cook slaved over. When his parents were alive and Samantha was still there dinner and lunch had been a thrilling affairs. They had what could be considered feasts everyday and often many dinner parties and guest's. 

His parents had dismissed all the servants a month after Samantha was stolen from them. Mulder hired most of them back when he returned. He wasn't in great need to them but he had the money to employ them and liked being able to give them jobs. If he was honest with himself he liked having their company too, especially after his parents passing. The mansion house and grounds were far too extensive and he liked hearing someone else moving around and creating noise.

"It wonderful. Thank you for asking. Mother Superior has allowed me to have lunch there so long as it's sunny" She beamed. She was clearly in love with the garden and since Sarah had called it *her* garden Mulder knew she was the one that spent most of her time there. 

"Well, have a nice day. I'll see you for prayer" Sarah said and Scully smiled and moved away with Mulder at her heels. 

They walked back to the garden which was thankfully only a small distance away. Their food didn't get cold and Mulder took a long breath of it in. It smelled amazing! He was used to burned toast or simple cheap food a novice like him could cook so a nice meal was a rare luxury. 

"We can sit at the table. I usually just sit on the ground but there's a wooden table and chairs this way" Scully told him and walked over to said table, her hips clearly swaying a little with each step. Mulder didn't say anything back to her, he was too busy trying not to wonder what else her habit hid. He already knew her waist was small enough to almost wrap his hands completely around. He had a good idea of how shapely her ass was but the material didn't do her many favours. 

"So you're favourite place here is the garden?" He asked her as he sat, genuinely curious to find out anything about this enchanting woman.

"Mhm. I love it. I've always wondered if I could... never mind. It's silly" Said said in an almost bashful voice. Mulder picked up his fork and shoveler some pie on it. "Wait" Scully said quickly and gripped his wrist. He dropped the fork onto his plate, shocked at her sudden touch. "We have to say grace" She told him with a smile, looking up at him through her eyelashes, never removing her hand from his wrist. Her thumb had began making small, clearly unconscious moves on the inside of his wrist, caressing the pulse point she found there. Mulder couldn't bring himself to say anything to her, frightened his voice would crack. He just nodded and held back the disappointed groan that rose in his throat as she pulled her delicate hand away from his wrist. 

Scully closed her eyes, clasped her hands together and began giving her thanks. Mulder couldn't make out the actual words she was saying although he listened intently. He was too entranced by her and the sound of her voice to actually make out the words she said. He kept his eyes open the whole time, content to just watch this angel. The movement of her mouth, the slight shadow her fanned eyelashes made, her perfectly trimmed fingernails. If he focused hard enough he could almost feel them scratching down his back. He mentally shook himself. She was a *nun*! He heard her clear and crisp "amen" and copied her. She smiled at him. He rushed to eat his food. A feeble attempt to ignore his feelings. He remembered what she said just before the prayer.

"What have you always wondered? About your garden, I mean. I won't think it's silly. Tell me" He swallowed the delicious food down and reached out for her hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. He couldn't be sure why he was essentially torturing himself, all he knew was how incredible her skin had felt on his. She looked down, studying their hands. He chided himself for giving into the impulse to touch her, he quickly withdrew his hand. He was being a fool. It wasn't as if anything could happen no matter how much he already wanted it to.

She surprised him and by the look of it herself too, reaching back for his hand. Brushing it with the tips of her fingers. She stared right at him and smiled. 

"I read something in the market alot of years ago. It's was about how plants and herbs can be medicinal. Medication is made from them. It was, um... fascinating." She flushed furiously and pulled her hand away. 

"I don't think that's silly at all, Scully" He told her honestly, she smiled. They both ate the rest of their meals in silence. She seemed lost in her thoughts again and kept frowning a little. An adorable line creasing between her elegant eyebrow's. He wondered what she was thinking. He wondered what was going on in his own mind never mind her's. *Why* did she have such an effect on him? What was it about those eyes that made him feel like he was sinking into the deepest sea and simultaneously flying in a cloudless sky. He felt like he was in love. It was foolish! Too stupid to even contemplate. He didn't believe in love at first sight. He didn't think he did anyway but he was beginning to change that opinion. It just felt so different than anything he'd ever felt before. His very soul screamed out for her. 

"Did you enjoy it?" Scully asked, breaking him out of his stupor. It was only then that he realised he'd eaten all of his meal. 

"Yeah. It's the best thing I've had in months" He told her.

"Does your wife not cook well?" She asked and immediately flushed bright red. Clearly she wished she hadn't asked. 

"I bet she would if I had one" He said, his voice slightly teasing. She smiled but said nothing. "I can see why you like it so much out here. It's very peaceful" He told her by way of changing the conversation. 

"Forgive me, I shouldn't have pryed. That was rude of me" She didn't let the subject change easily. As though she felt she must apologise for what she'd said. "And thank you for your comments about the garden. We've all worked very hard on it. It's my main responsibility" She told him. 

"You've done very well with it" He told her honestly. The garden was beautiful. Utterly unlike any others he'd seen. Vivid and alive, overwhelming in its splendour. Scully fitted in perfectly among the climbing ivy and the blood red roses. Like all of God's greatest creations were collected there just for him to look upon.

"Thank you. I do wish I had the knowledge to grow more medicinal things" She said dreamily as if to herself. 

"I think you'd be brilliant at it" He smiled and she grinned back. Another light blush on her face. Her cute freckles a stunning contrast.

"So... do you want to hear about the, uh, ghost?" Scully asked. Sipping at her water. 

"Oh, uh, yeah. Yes." He stumbled out. He'd completely forgotten why he was even there speaking to her.

She went into details but it gave him nothing to go on. It turned out it was a dear friend of hers who had last taken her life. Theresa had missed dinner in the hall and when she never showed up for evening prayer Scully had grown concerned for her friend and went to her room with some dinner on a tray for her. She'd found the door ajar and walked in, fearing she'd find Theresa ill and in bed. What she found was so much worse. Her best friend and truest confident was swinging from the rafters in her room from a twisted sheet. Scully had screamed, dropped the tray, smashing the contents. In a moment a sickening howl could be heard and a flash of ashen grey floated around the darkened room. It twisted and formed the shape of a woman. Scully ran. 

The day seemed to rush by as they sat talking. He found it so easy to talk to her. Too easy perhaps. He never confided in anyone but it felt so easy to just be open with her. To bare his soul. She even giggled a few times at some of the things he said. He loved that sound and found himself making lame jokes to try and prompt her to laugh again. It was such a high feminine sound, tinkling like bells through the air.

"We should return our trays or I'll be late for vespers" She told him quietly, as if she was as loathe as he was to end their time together. 

"I'm sorry if I've kept you from things." He told her sincerely. He didn't want to, in the coarse of one day, ruin her life here. She was too polite to tell him she needed to pray and had sat with him all day. Bless her soul.

"No!" She exclaimed and then became contrite "I mean, I, I enjoyed spending my day with you. I was meant to be in the garden anyway. Granted I was meant to be working but... it's not because of you. What I mean to say is that you're not to blame." She told him. Tripping and stumbling over her words. He thought it was precious. She frowned deeply again. What did that expression mean? It was driving him mad not knowing. 

"Let me take the trays back and you can go off to vespers. I'll find my way" He told her with a smile.

"That's kind of you. Thank you" She said raising from her seat. She hovered for a moment looking as though she wanted to say or do something else. Then she shook her head and left.

Mulder made his way back to the main hall and deposited the trays. Thoughts of Scully flooded his mind the entire time. Why was it so damn hard? Why had he found the perfect woman, someone so gorgeous and smart. So funny and kind. Yet she was completely off limits. She was a damn *nun*. Of course he'd fall for a goddamn nun. Of all the things he could have done. Of all the things fate could have sent his way. It saw fit to send him a sexy petite little *nun* who's habit begged to be hauled from her delicate body. Who's lips begging to be kissed and her body to be worshipped. He hated himself for it. He loved her. Why? How? 

He collapsed to the bed when he got back to his room. He felt tears sting at his eyes. Torture. That's what this was. Pure and undiluted torture. 

He imagined ripping her black habit off of her. Tried to picture her blonde hair. What would it be like? Ash blonde or golden? What face would she make as she came. Would she scream as he sucked her clit. He could almost imagine her eye's, unfocused and dark with desire. He didn't want to give into it, didn't want to have feelings for her. She was a nun for goodness sake. Yet still... he feared he was completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments! I get so happy when I see them. Thank you for taking the time :-)

Mulder fell asleep shortly after getting to his room. His insomnia stopping it's usual torment of him. Falling asleep in the afternoon was unheard of for him. He normally just had breaks from conciousness due to exhaustion. Although it was just a nap he'd had, it still left him pleasantly warm and rejuvenated.

He was wide awake now and bored. The room had nothing else except the bed, armoire and tiny washroom. He wished he'd brought one of the many books held is his library, he didn't handle boredome well. He wondered what the protocol was for wandering the corridors at night for he had to do something to relieve the boredom that seeped through him. He was hungry too having missed dinner. He'd take a walk through the vast building and come back and eat the sunflower seeds he'd brought with him he decided. He'd just be sure to remain quiet while he walked the corridors. It wouldn't do to wake any of the nun's at, what he assumed was, a relatively late hour.

Mulder silently closed his room door and started wandering carefully around, traversing the corridors as quietly as he could. It had to be close to midnight, he guessed from the sunlight or, more realistically, from the lack of it, and all the nun's had to be asleep by now. He knew from talking with Scully that the whole place awoke at 5am sharp for inward reflection and to get ready for prayer. He made sure he was as much like a whisper as he could be while moving through the place. All of a sudden someone rounded a corner quickly and banged into him.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Came the shaky voice of Dana Scully. He realised instantly that she was crying. He felt anger surge through him sharply at whatever had upset her.

"Scully? What's wrong? What happened?" He asked. He felt slightly panicked and would not letting her pass him before he found out why she was crying. She looked to the ceiling and sniffed back her tears. Scully shook her head, her bottom lip wobbling as she tried to contain her tears.

"I need to be alone right now, Mulder" She said in a very small voice and tried to move past him.

"Okay, just..." He blocked her "everything's alright isn't it?" He asked. He didn't want her to leave and he so desperately wanted to know what was wrong with her. 

"Yes, everything's fine" She lied. Mulder didn't even really know her very well and he still knew she was lying. A new wave of tears overcame her. She never lied! She felt ashamed of herself for it. She sobbed.

"Did you see the ghost?" She shook her head, eyes cast to the floor.

"No. It's... I, I'm going to see Mother" She said studying her feet, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Please, Scully." He said, not sure what else to say to her. His brain not making a good conection to his mouth. "What's wrong?" He tried again. Hoping she'd break and be honest with him.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I, I lied. I'm not okay." She wiped hastily at her wet cheeks. "I just... I need to talk to Mother" She sobbed again.

"Can I walk with you? I mean, I know that you said you wanted to be alone and all but... well I'll just walk behind you? Make sure you get there safely?" He asked and was startled when she burst into tears again.

"Oh, Scully. C'mere" He said and pulled her tiny body into a tight hug, giving into the need to touch her in comfort. She clung to him like he was a lifeboat and she was sinking. 

"I'm sorry. I just... I should go. You, you shouldn't hold me" She told him as she gasped for air but made no move to get out of his arms. Rather she clutched even tighter at him.

"Shh... it's okay. Whatever it is we'll figure it out. Shh" He murmured into her veil. He wasn't sure why he'd said "we" as if he could ever do anything to help her. As if he was even worthy to be in her presence. All he knew for certain was that his heart broke to see her upset, to see such stunning eye's being filled with tears. He'd do anything to clear up her tears.

He nuzzled across the top of her head, over her black veil, breathing her in. She smelt of nothing but of everything all at once. Clean yet unperfumed, the natural scent of her filled his nose since there was nothing to mask it. She smelled so feminine, slightly musky and earthy. She smelled *warm*, if that could ever be put into a smell she surely smelled of it. She smelled, quite simple, amazing. He couldn't help but to take her in for a moment. Her body was pressed so snugly to his, fitting perfectly. Her small hands had moved to grip at his waist. Her head buried in his chest. His heart swelled.

His eyes stung with tears of sympathy for her though. No matter how incredible she felt in his arms he was still worried for her and the circumstances that led her to walk to Pauline's so late at night. He leaned back slightly and he could have sworn he heard her whimper at the small loss of contact. He tried to catch her eyes but his eyes fell on her hair before he got there. His nuzzleing had disturbed her veil somewhat and let out a soft looking silken tress of vibrant fox fur coloured hair. She wasn't blonde at all. She was a red head! His breath hitched in his throat. A red head! He couldn't recall ever seeing a natural red head before. Rare, breathtaking and, in Mulder's opinion, very sexy, it most certainly suited her.

"Red" He whispered out. Not even really conscious of speaking. He flicked the curled up strand out all the way with one finger, mesmerised by the silky feel of it. He ran his pinched fingers slowly down the thick strand, his eyes never wavering from it. It was shorter that he'd have thought her hair would be, perhaps just above shoulder length. He'd give anything to see her without her veil on! To run his hands through all of her hair, to feel it slipping through his fingers. Now that he had seen the red he couldn't imagine her as a blonde, couldn't see her any other way. His eye's eventually met her's, the red made them shine even brighter than blonde would. She was the kind of woman sonnets were inspired by, saying she was merely beautiful didn't do her justice at all.

"Yes" She said slurring her S's in that adorable way she had. He had picked up on her very slight lisp when they'd first spoken. It was so damn sexy! Why did she have to have so many damn near perfect attributes? He felt his hand shaking slightly. He let her hair fall from his fingers, brushing her soft cheek. He smiled at her and tucked the wayward lock behind her ear, shivering a bit at the feel of her. Delighting in it and making sure his action was as slow as it could be. Prolonging the contact.

Scully leaned her head very slightly into his hand, smiling at him. They both seemed drawn to one another, pulled by some unseen force towards the other. His hand moved gently, a caress, from it's place at the side of her head to cup her jaw. Her face was slightly full, almost chldlike, but he could feel a strong jaw bone underneath. 

His eyes flicked down to her full lips, her perfect mouth. The desire to kiss her was almost overwhelming. He felt her sweet breath puffing out in the small amount of space between them. He doubted he could stop himself although he knew he shouldn't try to kiss such an angel, he just didn't have the strength not to. She gripped him a little tighter at the waist. Her eyes wide and dancing a little in confusion. They shone with a vague awe that he could hardly describe. Her lips parted before him and he heard her shaking out an exhale, her lower lip trembling. He bent further, the moment stretching. Her lips came closer. She was moving towards him at the same slow pace. The small part of his brain that actually worked was glad she was moving too. A glacial pace set by them both that would end as their lips met. Closer and closer to bliss.

A strangled cry pierced the night. Snapping the pair out of their moment. They each gasped and turned. Scully's eye's even more fearful. 

There, right in the corridor floated a shimmering almost translucent woman. Her neck a mottle of odd grey bruising as though she'd hung herself. She stared right at Scully, hollow eyes piercing into the terrified red head, and shrieked. She kept looking at her while she pointed at Mulder. She cried. The sound was heartbreaking. A guttural cry of such sorrow Mulder could hardly bare it. She hovered for a few seconds more, her boney finger remaining pointed at Mulder and her eyes fixed on Scully. It appeared as though she was trying to tell Scully something. To warn her perhaps. With one last howl of sorrow she disappeared as quickly as she had come. 

"Wow, did you see that? She's real! She was right there, Scully, right there." Mulder shouted excitedly. Pointing and shouting at the now empty spot the ghost had been. Although he was a firm believer in the supernatural that was the first time he'd been an actual eye witness to something so incredible, so not of this world. It was almost hard to believe. 

"I saw her, too. I have to go now, Mulder" She said in a terrified whisper. Although she wasn't sure it was the ghost she had been afraid of. She turned to leave and he clutched her hand.

"Wait, please. Can't we talk. We just saw a ghost, Scully. A ghost!" He knew she was meant to be going to the Mother Superior's chamber's but he was far too exhilarated to think of anything but what they'd just seen. 

"Forgive me. Goodnight" Scully said sharply with tears in her eyes. She left no room for him to disagree. Then she quickly pulled away from him and raced off in the opposite direction of where she had been going, away from the Mother Superior's.

Mulder's mind was going a mile a minute. Who was that ghost? How had she come back? *Why* had she come back? Why was she harming the sister's of St Monans? He had so many questions! His heart hammered in excitement. A real honest to God ghost! 

He rushed back to his room and started making a lot of notes, determined not to forget any of their encounter. His writing scribbled and almost illegible as he rushed out all the details he could remember. 

It was only once he'd written everything he could possibly remember down and calmed his speeding heart that he started to remember what had happened before he saw the ghost. What had happened with Scully. He blanched at the memory. They had so very nearly kissed. He cursed himself. Shit! What was he playing at? Trying to kiss an innocent nun. He couldn't think of a worse thing to be fixated on. Then again, hadn't she been going in to kiss him too? He frowned deeply, unsure how to feel about the situation.

He couldn't stop thinking of Scully no matter how much he berated himself for his feelings. He kept flashing back to her hair, her beautiful hair. He'd seen that strand of vivid red hair peaking out of her veil and he couldn't stop picturing it over and over. A red head. God, that was sexy. A red headed nun. 

Had his dirty mind forced him to objectify such an innocent child of God? Was he ruined because he had had sex before and now knew what he was missing? His moral compass spun wildly. He didn't think he saw her as a mere object. He was completely certain he loved her but... a nun!? For Christ's sake. Though who knew how the fates worked? Who knew why the universe saw fit to dangle someone so perfect in front of him. Someone he could never have. 

Mulder decided that he'd go to the record rooms he'd seen in the small town near the convent in the morning. He'd grab a few extra hours of rest if he could and set off early in the morning. Lightning would be glad of the ride and company and, more importantly, it would stop Mulder sitting around all day obsessing over Scully, trying to catch a glypse of her. He had to get over his feelings and fast. He'd seen a genuine ghost and putting her to rest had to be at the forefront of his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

Sister Dana Katherine lay on her small bed. Her head far too absorbed with the days events to allow her any rest. She had rushed back to the safety of her own room after her ordeal with Mulder and cried to herself for a long time. She cried out her frustration and confusion, huge, normally cleansing sobs, wailing and shaking out of her. She scolded herself for letting Mulder stop her in the corridor. She should have just pushed passed him and went to Mother. She would have helped her untangle her confused thoughts and calm her down. She always helped all the sister's but sister Dana Katherine held a special place in her heart.

She has lived at the abbey for eight year's now, since she was twelve years of age. Mother Superior had seen her through everything, each small issue she had ever had was always better when she told Mother about it. Even when she had first bled she had been calmed by her. Scully shuddered on the bed at the memory of that horrific day.

Scully willed away the memory and tried to empty her mind in order to sleep. It wasn't working so she took up a pad of paper and her ink well and quill. She sat the ink well on her bedside table and sat Indian style under her throws. 

She had been one of the few people in her tiny village who could read and write but hadn't had a pivate, expensive education. She was eternally grateful to her Mother for teaching her and her siblings at such a young age. When she had started to live at the convent she was surprised to find that all of the sisters could read and that reading was one of the lessons they all had to take. It made sense given the amount of time they each spent studying the Bible. She dipped the quill and began to write.

I just got back into my room a moment ago. I wanted to speak to Mother Superior about what I'm feeling. I so desperately need some guidance. I can't seem to stop crying. I remember Sister Louisa telling me in the first months of my arrival that since I could write I should write down any overwhelming feelings. She told me that she thought it would help. That it may give my feelings the voice they wanted and let my mind and heart rest while the paper took care of them for awhile so I may as well try for I am so desperate to be free of them.  
Oh, I'm so scared! Thats my feeling, fear.   
What am I supposed to do? I have prayed most of the night and tried to find solace in my readings and study but nothing is working.   
I wish today had never happened. No, that's wrong of me. Who am I to question the Lord's plans for me? Today was obviously in my path. It was in His plans. It just frightens me and I fear I am not strong enough for the path He has drawn for me.  
Oh, Father. What should I do? Please, help me. Please! 

Sister Dana Katherine was overcome with tears and had to stop writing. Once she calmed down she went back to her book.

A man came to our home today about the spirit of our passed sister. He is here to help put her lost soul to rest. To allow her to be calm once more. To settle in our Lord's Kingdom.   
I feel for sure I know him or, perhaps, my soul knows him. Is that possible, Lord? Perhaps You made our soul's at the same time? Would that explain my feelings?   
I feel like... I love him. I know it's silly. It's wrong! I am supposed to take my vows soon. To dedicate my life to my God and His will. I cannot entertain such thoughts and feelings. I simply can't!   
I bumped into him in the corridor and, oh, the way he looked at me. I could hardly breathe! We almost kissed. I am so ashamed of myself!  
I've never kissed anyone before. I doubt I'd know what kissing was had I not been in the market one day, many years ago when I was about fifteen with Sister Helen, and seen two young people doing it. I asked Sister Helen about it and she said it was called kissing. I confess I was fascinated by it and I even had to have council with Mother about it to help stop my treacherous mind from daydreaming.  
It daydreams again now and I am fixated on wanted to know what it would it be like to kiss him. He has such a pretty mouth. A very full bottom lip that I want to suck on. It's terrible and I feel as guilty as a thief for having such thought's! What would the others think of me if they knew? What would Mulder think of me? If they all knew the thoughts in my head they'd probably be disgusted in me.  
I just want to hold him again. He held me in the corridor and it felt wonderful. I'd like him to do it again. It that wrong? Feeling his arms around me was incredible! The memory makes me feel things I'm not sure of. Scary, wonderful things that I've never felt before.  
My stomach feels tied up in knots and although I hardly touched my supper I feel sick. I simply don't know what to do.  
The ghost was all that stopped us from kissing, I think. She's so scary! Not quite as scary as my feelings for Mulder though but scary enough.  
What if she has now marked me as her next victim? I shall never take my own life willingly. I couldn't hurt others the way I have hurt over such losses. It is a worry though. Sister Theresa saw her and had passed away within the month   
My mind cannot be calmed about Mulder. Not even the spirit has stopped him overtaking my mind. He is so beautiful and my heart just cries out to him. He listened to me talking with great interest all day and time seemed to pass too quickly. I even forgot about my chores in the afternoon. Something I shall have to bring up at confession. He just makes me forget everything except him. The world just fades away and he's all that's there. Just he and I.   
I must get some sleep now as it's already very early morning and I have to be awake at 5am. I shall have a council with Mother today and see what she proposes I do. I pray for God's guidance and the strength to see past Mulder and my love for him.

With that she cuddled up in her single bed. Sister Louisa was right, she did feel better having written things down. She was less afraid. She'd speak to Mother Superior and she'd help put her back on the right path.


	5. Chapter 5

Sister Dana Katherine woke up at 5am on the dot. She was exhausted from being awake for so long but their was much to be done and Vigils were at 6am, the first service of the day. She got up, bathed quickly and dressed in her habit. She hid the notepad under her pillow, not knowing why she wanted to hide it but seeing it made her stomach flip flop. 

She found herself walking slower than she normally would down the corridors of St Monans, almost as if she were subconsciously hoping to bang back into Mulder. She chided herself for her silly unwelcome feelings and conciously hurried up her steps. She was being foolish! 

She got the the secondary hall. A grand room, only slightly smaller than the main hall but it was a lot lighter and very ornate. With huge arched stained glass windows and a lot of solid mahogany pews. Scully took comfort in the familiar musty smell that never truely left no matter how often the room was cleaned and aired. It calmed her and made her soul feel light and loved. Accepted in God's warm arms, as she always was, no matter how alone and confused she was God was always there for her.

After their service finished she walked over to Mother Superior who was speaking with Sister Helen. Scully stood politely until their conversation was finished and Sister Helen left.

"Mother? I wonder if I might have a council with you when you are free?" Scully asked politely. She felt tears sting at her eyes but held them back. Just voicing her need for guidance reminded her of her situation. The Mother Superior saw the glimmer of tears and touched her arm at the elbow.

"Of course my child. You are excused from morning work. I shall be in my chamber's after morning prayer so come and see me then." Scully nodded, her bottom lip quivering slightly as she tried to keep herself from crying. 

"Did Mr Mulder do something unkind to you?" She asked Scully, rubbing at her arm.

"No. No, he is kind. I just... I'm afraid of what his kindness is doing to me. I feel like I..." 

"Mother! Sister Betty has fainted" cried a woman's voice from the other end of the hall. Scully jerked back. 

"I shall see you at my chamber's after morning prayer. Be sure you have breakfast Sister Dana Katherine." Called Mother Superior as she retreated and went hurriedly to the sight of the fainted girl. 

Scully left the hall and moved in a zombie like state to breakfast. Her friends were all chatting excitedly about the arrival of Mulder, several of them letting out girlish squeals of delight at how much of a handsome man he was. Scully cringed at the way they spoke of him, more specifically his body. She was a little glad at the fact she wasn't the only one that was affected by Mulder's looks but she felt a rush of jealousy and protectiveness at their words. How dare anyone objectify him!

They all kept trying to ask Scully what had happened the day before. Prying into the conversations they'd shared and fishing for any information Scully had on his private life. She was in no mood to talk to any of her fends about how she was feeling. Not even her dear friend sister Beth could not encourage her to open up. She simply told them she wasn't feeling too well so as to get away with not answering. It wasn't a lie and she calmed herself in that knowledge. She never lied. She *wasn't* feeling well. They didn't need to know it was because her heart felt like it was in a vice. She ate her scrambled eggs and toast almost reluctantly. They felt thick, sour and paste like as she swallowed them down. 

She finished quickly and excused herself. She put away her tray and left the main hall quickly, ignoring her friends stares. She still felt sick, her stomach knotting and twisting in fear and confusion. She went to morning prayer, after hiding in her room for awhile to try and calm her swirling stomach, normally it was one of her favourite services of the day. The sun was always still lazy in the sky and it shone gloriously through the stained glass windows, giving them a brilliance and vibrance mere cleaning could not. All her friends were happy and full from breakfast making the service light and warming. This time she went through the motions and felt ashamed for having done so. It felt nothing like it normally did and she grieved at the knowledge. She left straight after, not even bothering with the chatter among her peers.

Scully got to Mother Superior's chamber's hastily and rapped lightly on the door. 

"Come in" came her soft melodic voice. Scully entered the warm inviting room. 

"Come and sit down" Mother said welcomingly. Scully went and sat opposite her at her large solid wood table. "Tell me what troubles you" 

"I, I'm afraid, Mother."

"Of what my child?" 

"Of Mulder..." the Mother's eyebrow's raised. "Well, no. Not *of* him. He, he makes me feel things that I'm certain I've never felt before and it frightens me, Mother." Scully told her and wrung her hands out nervously.

"What does he make you feel?" Scully shook her head. Too ashamed to tell her. "Do not be afraid to talk to me" She said warmly to Scully. She was a Mother in every sense of the word. Perhaps more so to Scully who had been there for so many years. The Mother Superior had helped Scully through many struggles in her time at the convent. 

"He... oh, I don't know. It's ridiculous" a small sob broke out.

"No feeling is ever ridiculous, Sister Dana Katherine. They may feel wrong or perhaps right but they are neither, at times. They simply *are*"

"I think we almost kissed" Scully blurted. "I'm sure of it and I... I wanted to" She whispered out the last part. She didn't even bother telling Mother that she'd seen the ghost and that's what had stopped them kissing. She didn't feel that she needed help and council abouy the ghost. It wasn't at the forefront of her mind.

"Do you love him?" Scully took in a deep breath through her nose and sucked in her bottom lip. She scrunched closed her eyes and then calmed herself. She swollowed thickly 

"No. I, I dont know" Then a whipsered "Yes..." She shrunk in on herself, terrified of the strength of her feelings. "I know it's wrong. I know it is. I, I'm ready to take my vows. To forget this. I swear I am. I love God!" She said quickly. 

"Oh, Sister. Just because you love this man does not mean you love God any less. It is not wrong to love a man, Sister Dana Katherine. Do not let yourself believe you are doing anything wrong. You are not. Perhaps God simply has other plans for your life." 

"What should I do?" Scully asked with fear in her voice.

"Follow this new path. Find peace for this spirt with Mr Mulder, put her to rest. Perhaps more time with this man will show God's true destiny for you" Scully nodded, somewhat sadly. She could think of nothing else to say to Mother Superior. "I am allowing you to go out of the Abbey if required and suspending your classes and work duties for the time being."

"Oh, no, Mother, please. I, I thought you said I hadn't done anything wrong" fat tears welled in her eyes. She felt awful! To be told she couldn't work or go to classes was surely a punishment. Mother Superior got out of her chair quickly and embraced Scully. 

"You have *not* done anything wrong but we do not attempt to stand in the Lord's way." She told her softly from a kneeling possition beside Scully. She stoked tears off of her cheek "If it is His wish that you experience this then I shall not have classes and work get in the way of that." Scully sobbed some more.

Mother leaned away from her more to catch her eyes. She smiled at her and placed a loving kiss to her forehead. The Mother Superior knew she was not supposed to have any favorites among the residents of the convent but she had a huge soft spot for Scully. She felt as though she were the daughter she never had. Scully sighed out, her bottom lip quivering. Mother Superior rubbed her back soothingly, trying to calm her down "I will still expect you to be present for all prayer." She smiled at Scully "I am not angry with you, child" Scully sniffed and nodded her head in understanding. The Mother Superior stood. "Now, it is after 9am. Why do you not go and see if Mr Mulder has awakened yet." She said. Scully missed the twinkle in her eye. It was clear that the Mother Superior was wise and knew what Scully's love meant and where her true path lay. Scully nodded and stood to leave.

"Thank you, Mother" She said and left the room. 

Scully's heart felt lighter as she walked briskly to Mulder's room. She rapped on the door but got no answer. She frowned and tried again. Still nothing.

"Mulder? Mulder are you awake?" She called. She ignored the impulse to open the door herself. 

She stood knocking for what felt like a long time. There was no answer. He was either still in bed or perhaps somewhere else in the Abbey. She wouldn't entertain the thought that he'd completely left without saying goodbye. Couldn't allow herself to think that way as much as it tried to sneak it's way into her mind. He had been so excited over seeing the ghost that she was certain he wouldn't have left. 

Scully walked sadly to the garden. Most of the sisters had cleaning and cooking responsibilities so she was almost guaranteed to be alone in the garden. She got her equipment and went about working in the garden. Trimming dead leaves off plants and weeding at none existent weeds. She had long ago pulled out all the weeds but she kept an eye out for them every day. She watered everything and sang quietly and out of tune to the plants. Finding the calm and warmth that she often did in her garden. 

"Sister Dana Katherine?" Mulder voice sounded behind her, she started and whipped around at the sound. 

"You're here" was all she said and on total impulse jumped up and threw herself into his arms. The joy she felt from simply seeing him again was incredible! Although she'd been trying not to think he'd have left without saying goodbye, now that she saw him she knew that some part of her mind had been terrified he'd do just that. A stupid and illogical fear she knew but a real one none the less. The relief was intense and she felt a dart of pleasure that he was in her arms again. She blushed furiously as she calmed down and quickly released him. Ashamed to have given into such an impulse and not even given him the chance to have denied her the contact.

"It's good to see you too" He chuckled. "I was in town doing some research on the ghost. I'd hoped to find you here" She beamed at the cobbled stoned path beneath his feet shyly and he felt his knees weaken somewhat. She still stood mere centimetres from him. "I, uh, got you something" He told her. She looked up at him curiously. 

Mulder handed her a bar of chocolate and a book about using garden plants for medicinal reasons. She took them in shaky hands and felt her eyes fill with tears. Whatever doubts she'd had about her love for him before now were gone in that instant. He'd remembered what she'd said and bought her gifts. She felt her eyes brim over and tears of happiness flow out.

Scully hadn't received a gift since she'd moved into the convent. She wished she had something she could give him in return for his kindness. She was no fool and knew that chocolate cost a small fortune. Mulder had probably single handedly supported the shop owners family for atleast a month just by buying it. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything" Mulder told her quickly. Mistaking her tears for unhappy ones.

"You didn't. Tha, Thank you... so much" She felt the urge to kiss him rush through her again. Perhaps he *was* the path she was meant to be on. She was still so confused! She licked her top lip and turned from him to break the spell. "Lunch is soon. I'll save the chocolate til after that" She told him.

"Sister Dana Katherine, did I do something wrong?" 

"I thought you were going to call me Scully?" She said as she placed the chocolate in a large pocket in the front of her habbit. Mulder hadn't even noticed the garment had pockets. He tried to meet her eye's, gazing at her, knowing whatever embarrassed her would show in the sapphire depths. She just kept avoiding his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I guess I forgot" He lied once she finally looked at him. He hadn't forgotten at all. He knew he was in love with her and he was trying his best to distance himself from her. Calling her Sister reminded him constantly that she was a nun. That she wasn't his, would never be his. He could deny her nothing though. "*Scully*, did I do something wrong?" He pressed, making sure to put an emphasis on her name.

"No. Nothing." She said dismissively. She gave him a fake smile. One he was sure was meant to be reassuring. It may have worked on others, not on him. "What did you find out in your research?" 

Mulder had sadly found next to nothing out about the spirit. He was still none the wiser about her motivations or desires or ever if she did, indeed, play a role in the suicides of the nun's. 

He would have to go back to trudge through some more records and newspapers. The record chamber's held all the information there was about the small town and it's citizens so he knew it could take days or even weeks to get through it all and find any information about the spirit.

"I found nothing" He said sadly and shook his head. She could sense his dismay and wished she could help pull him out of his stupor.

"So, what do we do now?" Scully asked. She hoped that giving him an interested set of ears to talk to would allow him to remain focused and work through the issue.

"I'm not sure." He shrugged in slight defeat. It had been such a long morning for him and he dreaded going back in the afternoon. The only reason he'd returned to the convent was for his lunch. He'd taken little money with him, or what he classed as little money, and he'd spent every single piece of it on gifts for Scully. He was annoyed at himself that he had put his love for her above his need to find peace for the spirit. He had to try his best to stop the feelings and remind himself she was a nun and nothing would ever happen. 

"Is there anything at all that you forgot to tell me about Theresa? Any bit of information would help at this point." He grinned a little at how he was so obviously clutching at straws. Scully flushed scarlet and Mulder was shocked at her obvious reaction to the question. Clearly something had been out of the normal with Theresa. She shook her head and looked up at him through her eyelashes.

"I'm not to tell anyone. I promised" her bottom lip trembled. 

"It won't go any further. You can trust me. It might help us put an end to all of this." She bit her lip as her eyes filled with tears.

"I can't" She whispered. Scully felt awful for denying this wonderful man anything but she had promised. She wondered if it was bad to tell him or not. She was silent for what felt like a long time, feeling his eyes on her the whole time, as she thoight it over.

"You can, Scully. Sister Theresa wouldn't be angry with you and the information may help the spirit to rest. Whatever it is, it'll be okay" He saw her nod reluctantly after she took some deep breaths and chased off her tears. 

"She was with someone. A man. I mean it... it wasn't talked about but we all knew it for months. She broke down late one night and told me everything. She came to my room and said that it was wrong to stay here when she was in love. She thought that to love Mr Krycek that way was wrong. She didn't see that it didn't mean she loved God any less. She passed away yhe new day" Scully said, repeating some of the words Mother Superior had told her. She never fully understood her friends worry back then but she did now. The fear and confusion that she must have felt. Scully's sorrow at loosing her friend twisted with her fear over her feelings for Mulder, coiling painfully in her gut.

"Thank you for telling me, Scully" He smiled at her and her stomach calmed instantly. She'd made him happy, he was pleased with her. She bristled with happiness. "I'll try to find Mr Krycek this afternoon in the town. It a place to start" He cupped her cheek, their eyes locking. 

The lunch bell clanged loudly. Startling them both as much as it had the day before. They both sniggered at the symmetry of then and now. 

Mulder and Scully went through to the main hall and went through the same procedure they had the day before. Saying hello to the other residents and getting their trays of food, roast chicken this time. They were silent as they walked back out to the garden to eat.

Scully led them through grace again, as she had the day before. He listened entranced at the eb and flow of her slightly husky voice. He couldn't honestly say he cared about saying grace but he found he cared about whatever made her look so happy and at peace.

"Did you do anything nice today?" Mulder asked her once they'd started eating their chicken dinners. He wanted to engage her in more conversation, like they had the day before. Somehow things felt a little strained between them to Mulder, especially after their almost kiss the night before. 

Scully swallowed her mouthful of food and felt her cheeks tint a little. What on earth should she tell him? She couldn't lie to him but she also couldn't tell him that she spent most of her morning with the Mother Superior going through her feelings for Mulder.

"I didn't do anything overly exciting I'm afraid." She glanced up at him a little. "Mother Superior has allowed me to leave the convent with you for the duration of your stay. I am to make helping you my main responsibility" She rattled off, afraid he wouldn't really wish to have her following him around. Terrified infact that he would see her as a hindrance. His fork paused halfway to his mouth. 

"Really?" He broke into a huge smile and Scully's cheeks blazed beetroot red. "That brilliant, Scully" She smiled shyly at him. Glad that he was happy she could join him. More than glad! "Are you happy with that?" He asked 

"Yeah. I like it" she said in an embarrassed voice. They each focused on eating their food for awhile. Each scared to break the easy calm that had fallen over them both.

"Could I come with you this afternoon to the market?" Scully asked him, her voice quiet, as though she didn't really want to ask or was afraid of the answer.

"Ofcourse you can" He smiled indulgently at her. "You'll be able to meet Lightning" 

"Oh" She felt scared again. Would he expect her to ride him? 

"Don't worry, you'll just sit infront and I'll ride. Okay?" He could be reading her mind. Scully just nodded.


	6. Chapter 6

After they finished their lunch together they took their plates back to the main hall. It was empty by the time they got there and Mulder had to fight the childish impulse to shout and see if he got an echo.

"I'll meet you out front if that's okay? I want to tell Mother I'm leaving" Scully told him. 

"Of course. I'll be at the stable" He told her and they parted. Each going their separate ways. Mulder missed her the moment she moved more than five feet from him, he walked quickly away before he could shout for her to stay. 

\---

"Hey there, beautiful" He said to Lightning as he neared the magnificent animal. She shook her black mane as if in greeting. 

She snorted once as he opened the gate to her stable. Mulder chatted away a little to her about nothing in particular as he saddled her up.

"The lady I told you about is coming with us this afternoon. She's very beautiful too so I want you to try and not to be jealous" He told Lightning, a smile in his voice. 

"You think I'm beautiful?" Scully blurted out behind him. She blushed becomingly and looked to the floor as he turned sharply to face her. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. She'd come out only a moment ago and heard him talking to Lightning. She had decided to stand and listen, unnoticed, for a moment before drawing attention to herself.

"I think you know the answer to that" He told her in a somber voice. He didn't want to scare or overwhelm her by telling her just how stunning she really was so he left it up to her to fill in the blanks. Scully just nodded. 

The moment crackled like a lightning storm between them as she just stood, her eyes trained on the cobbled pathway to the stables and Mulder's eyes glued to her. They both loved and hated these moments. The chemistry between them was palpable and they could both feel it, even Scully who was innocent could tell the moments were filled with heat. Mulder *wasn't* innocent of such matters but he'd never experienced moments as intense with anyone else. 

Lightning snorted and beat her hoof against the floor. Mulder chuckled a little at her. 

"Scully this is Lightning. She's getting impatient to meet you" He grinned. Lightning was kinder than many of the people he'd met and he could swear that she felt human emotions. 

"Okay" She said very quietly. She started to walk, almost shuffle, very slowly towards Mulder and Lightning. 

"It's ok, Scully. She's fine." He said with a small reassuring smile at her. She looked up at the huge mare, screwed up her courage and walked faster towards the pair. Lightning set her lazy brown eyes on Scully and lowered her head in what seemed to be a shy greeting. 

Scully had always wanted to see such an animal and even more to sit atop one but she was a little apprehensive about it. 

"She's amazing" Scully said. Her voice filled with a whispered awe. Mulder felt his heart fill and swell with love for the two most important females in his life. Scully stood a mere foot away from Lightning, her eyes shimmering with wonder. She half lifted her hand to Lightning's nose but stopped quickly when the large animal moved her head closer to Scully's. 

"Here" Mulder took her lightly trembling hand in his and placed it slowly on Lightning. He kept his hand on top of hers and encouraged her to rub up and down Lightning's velvety soft nose. Once they'd done it together a few times he moved his hand away. She glanced somewhat fearfully up at him, he just raised his eyebrow's and gave her a small smile, trying to instil confidence in her. She moved her hand over Lightning's nose again and the horse snorted out in happiness. Scully beamed at Mulder, ecstatic with what was happening. 

All of a sudden Lightning seemed to catch the scent of something and she pulled away quickly from Scully's hand. She took a step towards the, now a little frightened, nun and buried her face in at her stomach. She rooted around inquisitively there, Scully was terrified.

"Oh" She shouted out, a fearful, startled sound. 

"Lightning! Enough!" To Scully's amazement the horse actually listened to Mulder. It turned from Scully with a huff and moved to Mulder, seeking affection from her disappointed master. 

"She won't hurt you, Scully." He told her sincerely. She didn't seem to believe him and ducked her head, hugging her arms to her in an effort of comfort. 

"I think she just wanted..." He reached out to her, his hand grazed her stomach. Then she actually felt him put his hand inside the pocket of it, the thin material at the inside of the pocket meant she could feel his fingertips gliding over her stomach. Her arms dropped from her body to fall helplessly at her sides. She didn't seem in control of anything at that moment. Her breath shuddered out and she gazed at him. Their eyes caught intensely. 

No one had ever touched her stomach before, she could hardly get over how sensual it felt. She could almost scream at the confusing but wonderful feeling. She kept her eyes locked on his, sure for a moment they were going to kiss. "This" He said and she felt him pull something out of her habbit. She broke the eye contact to look at what he was showing her. 

The chocolate. Of course! Thats what Lightning had smelt and wanted some of. 

Scully felt herself flush wildly at yet another electrically charged moment. "Oh." She said in realisation. "Does she, uh, eat chocolate" Scully asked, feeling like a fool. She averted her eyes and chose instead to look at Lightning again.

"No. Never. She's not allowed it for a lot of reasons but mainly because it would make her ill" He told her while she kept staring at the huge horse. She seemed to only be half listening to him. Most of her attention was still on the horse. "You don't ever have to be afraid of her, Scully. You can stroke her again. She didn't mean to scare you. She was just curious" He told her in a soothing tone. 

Scully gave him a tight lipped smile, she reached out again, feeling a bit braver. Lightning pushed her face into Scully's outstretched hand and she stroked up and down her nose again. She was bowled over by the beauty of the horse.

"My Father was Captain of the Queens fishing fleets so he wasn't at home very often. I think if he had been then he would have gotten a horse. He was very fond of them. He spoke of them often" Scully said. It didn't seem as though she were speaking to Mulder. Rather she was enjoying her time with Lightning and simply speaking aloud. 

"My Father enjoyed having horses but to be honest I think it was more the symbol that they represented." Mulder told her. Scully turned to face him, seemingly just realising he was there. 

"What symbol?" She asked with a frown, slowing her touch on the horse.

"Wealth. You have to have rather a lot of money to care for a horse" He said. He started to fiddle with the saddle on Lightning. Although it was fitted perfectly he found it gave him something to do. A distraction he felt he desperately needed. 

"Your family is very wealthy?" 

"Yeah. My grandfather was the founder of the lantern oil we all use." He said in a slightly embarrassed tone.

"Wow, that's amazing." Scully said, smiling at him. Mulder made an odd noncommital noise in the back of his throat. Scully frowned. How could his family's wealth be a sore subject she wondered. Scully reached under Lightning's flank, with something akin to instinct, to reach Mulder's fiddling fingers. Once they touched he looked up and met her concerned eyes.

"Sorry. I just... no one's ever been interested in my life or my family before. It doesn't all have a happy ending... it's hard to think of them" Mulder told her honestly. 

"I'm sorry." Scully brushed her thumb over the back of his hand. The contact was sweet and innocent, nothing sordid or even romantic. Yet because it was hidden under Lightning's flank it somehow felt illicit and naughty. "I think... just because somethings don't have a happy ending doesn't mean that the story isn't worth the pain." Scully told him gently, once more making him feel like she had a thousand year old soul. 

"You're right" He smiled at her. "It is painful to think of but I suppose the love I had for them is worth remembering even though it is painful" He felt for the first time since he'd delivered the eulogy at his parents funeral that the wound he had was fresh and could be healed without trapping any poison. It was as if she had reopened the old infected wound to drain the poison out and would let it heal healthily. 

"Can I ask...I, how - how did they die?" Scully wasn't sure if it was her place to pry but he seemed like he was still in pain from his loss. She knew the nature of that pain, perhaps better than anyone, so if he could be helped by talking then she wanted to listen. She'd do anything to ease his pain. 

"They hanged themselves in the barn. A welcome home for me when I arrived back from school" Mulder snatched his hand from her's and kicked absently at the ground, annoying Lightning who stalked off back to the stable with the pretense of getting a drink of water. 

Without the horse in between them it became a little awkward. Scully had to fight against the impulse she had to go to his arms and sooth him. 

"I'm so sorry" She said in a whisper. Tears filling her voice. She could barely stand seeing the pain her love was in. It wretched her heart. It had hurt her that he had been overly harsh with his answer but she knew he didn't mean it. It was just pain.

Mulder gave her an odd down turned smile and sniffed back any tears that may have fathered. "Thank you. I'm sorry I brought it up" He told her.

"You didn't. I think I did" She said with a slight smile. She then made a split second decision and went to him quickly. She wrapped her arms around his waist. After a few moments she felt him hug her back. They held one another for what felt like a long time. Each savoring the feeling of the other. 

Lightning broke their moment with a neigh. Mulder chuckled and went to her. 

"Are we still riding to town?" Scully asked him needlessly. It was clear to her that they were but for some reason she felt the need to say something. A way to break the silence that had taken over them as they'd held each other.

"Yup. Come 'ere, I'll help you up" Mulder said to her with a huge beam. He couldn't wait to get her on Lightning. His mind flashed back to his image of her riding with her perfect bottom nestled next to his cock. 

Scully walked over and he picked her up, placing her side saddle on the horse. He hadn't factored in the long dress habbit that fell to her ankles, if she was to ride the way he wanted her to then the habbit would be up at the top of her thighs or her hips. He doubted she'd appreciate that loss of modesty. 

Scully looked down at him from where she sat. He could practically see her small body shaking in fear. "You're doing perfectly" He reassured her. She nodded and her lips twitched at the corners in a ghost of a smile. 

Mulder hoisted himself up behind her. He reached around her delicate waist to grab Lightning's reigns. Scully turned her body a little to look at him. She was only a few centimetres away from his face. He could feel her sweet breath puffing on his face. He reached into his pocket as he set Lightning off on a quick trot. He pulled out the chocolate and smiled at Scully as her eyes lit up.

Mulder snapped off a piece and reached out his hand to give her it. She shocked him, or perhaps them both, by what she did next. She bent her head to his hand, slowly, maintaining eye contact the entire time, she curled her lips around his pinched thumb and finger, she flicked her tiny pink tongue in between them to capture the chocolate held there. 

"Mmm..." She moaned as she pulled away with an audible pop from the suction of her lips on her fingers. He felt himself harden instantly. What the hell was she doing? Granted she was innocent but surely she *had* to know what she was doing to him. There was no way she would do that with one of her friends, was there? 

He blinked and decided to ignore the blood throbbing in his member. She was so off limits! He couldn't wind himself up that way, couldn't pretend it had meant something to her when she probably didn't even see the sexual nature in what she'd done. He cleared his throat and passed her the rest of the wrapped bar. Ignoring the sad look she had. 

Scully didn't know what had possessed her to do it. She couldn't imagine how shocked he must have been. She felt a little ashamed of herself. All she knew was that at that moment she'd given up fighting her impulses to touch him. She gave in and did what she wanted desperately to do. He was now not even looking at her and she mentally scolded herself for what she'd done, it had felt amazing though. 

The chocolate tasted even better than she remembered it being. Slightly bitter but so rich, melting tantalising as soon as it hit the heat of her mouth. Still... her first taste had been without a doubt the best. She thought that perhaps what made it so much better was the delivery. Mulder's fingers tasted amazing, salty, slightly musky and wonderfully addictive. They had felt slightly rough, weathered and a little calloused but so *male*. She shook herself out of her silly thoughts, ignoring the niggling of them as they tried to force her to pay attention to Mulder. 

She passed him back the chocolate. She'd had as much as she wanted and wished to break the tension by offering him some too. He didn't talk and just tucked the chocolate away. Scully felt tears of frustration and shame prick her eyes.

They rode towards the village in silence the rest of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it :-) I'd love to know what you thought. I'm rather enjoying writing an AU.


	7. Chapter 7

They rode to the village in relative silence. Scully cursing herself for losing control and doing something so embarrassing and Mulder trying to ignore the pulsing heat of his stiff cock. They spoke randomly of the scenery when the silence became too much to bare but nothing that held deeper meaning. His erection eventually calmed and they arrived at the village.

The village was relatively small with around ten stores, a record keeping chamber, a saloon and numerous small houses interspersed throughout the main square leading into winding alleys. It was essentially the same as all the other villages Mulder had seen in his life. He wondered idly how many places like this one Scully had seen. 

"Have you been here before at all?" He asked her as he lifted her delicately down from Lightning. 

"Yes. Atleast two Sister's come here every week to get the meat for our meals. I've been here twice before with them." Scully told him as Mulder tied Lightning to a horse stand just off the center of the square. "It was a very long time ago, there are alot more building's now." She continued as Mulder payed the man charged with keeping the horses safe.

He had found some extra coin in Lightning's saddle bag when he'd placed Scully's chocolate in it. He was thankful to his past self for having the forethought to place an emergency amount with Lightning. It meant he didn't have to tie her up to a random tree and he would be safe in the knowledge that she'd be tended to.

"When did you move to the convent?" He asked her again. The question hadn't gone over well when he'd asked her before but he hoped that now they knew each other a bit better that she would respond more. He so desperately wanted to know everything he could about her.

"Umm... I - I moved there when my father passed away" She told him as they walked away from Lightning. He looked at her, begging her to continue and tell him the whole story although he half wished he hadn't asked. It sounded horrible and he hated reminding her of anything painful. "My Mother passed away when she was birthing my younger brother, Charles." She took a deep steadying breath "Neither of them made it" she wouldn't meet Mulder's eyes. She didn't cry or sob, just had a very far off look in her eyes. Those perfect baby blues held so much pain, more than Mulder would have thought they could. He understood now why she was so kind and understanding of his pain and grief. 

He felt his heart weeping for a young Scully. He knew the pain of loosing loved ones and he'd never wish it on anyone especially someone so kind, someone he loved so much.

"My Father did the best he could with us but he had to work and bring money home for us so my older sister took on the role of caring for me. Then - then one day my Father just... didn't come home." She told him. She met his eyes and gave him a small sad smile. Mulder wanted to cry for her. To hold this tiny angel in his arms and take away all of her pain. He settled for taking her hand in his own. He knew it was probably wrong, it as probably too much, it helped ease the pain he felt to touch her though and he hoped she felt the same way. 

Scully didn't shy from him. She let their hands fall, fingers laced, between them. She smiled at him again. She didn't wish to analyse it too much, he probably just felt sorry for her she thought, but she was grateful for the strength she could draw from him. 

"My Father had arrangements in place for us and our house should something happen to him but, Melissa, my older sister, was always a bit of a free spirit and she chose to go to work for a tailer in the next town over. I guess I was just too much responsibility, I don't blame her for that. She was little more than a child herself. Bill, my older brother had already been working as part of the fishing fleet and he refused to come home... I ended up being given the choice of an orphanage or the convent. I was twevle years old. You can see what I chose. The house was sold and the money given to the church." Tears shone in her eyes now. The memory breaking through her control. 

"I'm so sorry, Scully" He said, he hated that there were never any correct words to adequately express sorrow for someone else's pain. Saying he was sorry just didn't seem to cut it. 

Mulder stopped and turned her to face him. He very gently wiped away a tear that had fallen onto her cheek. He wished he did have something significant to say to her. Something to stop the hurt she felt. Sadly there was nothing. 

Scully smiled up at him slightly. Her heart felt surprisingly better having told Mulder about her family. Mother Superior had always told her that a problem shared was a problem halved. She could understand that now. 

"Why don't we go and ask around about Mr Krycek? I'd like very much to find him today." Mulder asked, still facing her and rubbing her cheek, although her tears had long since dried.

"If we split up we would find him quicker" She told him.

"Are you sure?"

Scully nodded enthusiastically, pleased to be of help to Mulder and his investigation. She'd also never been allowed to be alone in the village, she felt an adult like thrill at the feeling of trust.

She gave his hand a squeeze in farewell and sauntered off in search of Sister Theresa's friend. 

\---

An hour passed and neither of them were any closer to finding Mr Krycek. Scully's feet had started to hurt as she paced about asking everyone who passed if they'd heard of him. 

She was stunned and hurt that many of them told her simply to "Fuck off" She wasn't unaccustomed to such profanity. Her father had run a fishing fleet after all but she certainly wasn't used to it being directed at her. One young man even kicked dirt at her calling her "A fucking whore" that word she did not know the meaning of. 

She felt tears pricking at her eyes as she turned away from him and down yet another dusty alleyway. She wasn't sure if it was in fright at the hatred in his voice or exasperation. She refused to think it was fright. She was stronger than that.

"Well, well. A whore so far from the saloon. They sending you out on business now?" Came a man's cruel voice from behind her. She jumped and spun around.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. I'm searching for a man named Mr Krycek. We had a friend in common" She told the man. She jutted out her chin to try and show she wasn't afraid but an unfamiliar surge of fear coursed through her, making her turn back around to walk away. 

Suddenly the man grabbed her arm. It didn't hurt but her body jerked in shock and concern. She tried to remind her brain once more that she had no reason to feel the icy stab of fear. 

"You're in luck then. That'd be me" He spun her back around. She faced him again, taking him in this time. "Alex Krycek" He said extending his hand for her to shake. 

Scully took it and gave it a firm shake just as she'd been taught to do. "Sister Dana Katherine. It's nice to meet you Mr Krycek" 

He smiled gently at her. He was a very handsome man and she understood exactly what Sister Theresa had seen in him. He wasn't as handsome as Mulder, not nearly, but there was something enticing about him. He looked down at her, he was only a little shorter than Mulder and made her feel dwarfed.

"So you're an *actual* Sister of St Monans then?" He asked, he hadn't let go of her hand, it was starting to make her anxious. 

"Yes, of course. Sister Theresa was a very dear friend of mine and I..." 

"The cute kid with a crush" He interrupted and finally let go of her suddenly sweaty hand. She gave him a questioning look. "I mean, look... I'll be honest with you. You'd like that huh?" She nodded. Her eyes swept around, wishing she hadn't come down this alley. She was all alone. 

"She liked me... alot, I mean. I thought she was a saloon girl when I first saw her. They dress up, you know." He grinned slyly. Her mind screamed at her to leave "You should really change if you're gonna come back to the village. Sends the wrong kinda signal. Your other sister's always travel in two's and go straight to the butchers. It sends a bit of a different vib if you're wandering around completely alone looking all innocent." He smirked at her again. She noticed he'd put a slight emphasis on the word 'alone' and she felt the cold icy tendrils of fear grip at her again. She didn't know why, she just knew she didn't feel safe. 

"We fucked hard, ya know." He whispered sinisterly down at her. She swallowed thickly. "Not the first day, I mean, but after. She loved it. Poor girl thought she loved *me*" She could tell he was deliberately trying to put her on edge. She decided there and then that she didn't like this man. 

"She took her own life. I - I wanted to ask..." He stared at her as if she was something to eat "do you know why?" She refused to look away from him although her instincts kept screaming at her to run. 

"Mmm... tell you what. I think maybe I could help you" her face lit up. "Nah ah, don't get ahead of yourself." He scolded "You gotta give a little to get a little right?" She frowned in confusion.

"I haven't any money" She said after a moment. She knew Mulder had money and he would very easily give her some but she had an intense need to do this all by herself. A strong desire to achieve something and help Mulder.

"That's not what I want from you." He gave her that same devilish smile.

"Then wha..." He gave her the most evil look she'd ever seen and smoothed her habbit over her arm, gripping her wrist at the end. A scream bubbled in her throat. She stopped it from sounding. She *had* to find out what he knew. There was something primal and corrupt about this man but... he knew her friend and Theresa was no fool. Scully had to be mistaken! He couldn't be a bad man.

"Just a look. A nice long look. That's all I want you to do and I'll tell you everything you want to know" He started to unlace his breeches with his free hand. Still gripping her wrist tightly with the other one. "Wouldn't you do that for your friend, Dana? Wouldn't you simply look at me to find out why she killed herself?" 

Scully felt tears fill her eyes. She didn't know what was happening. It frightened her. Just a look? A look at what? She could look at him though, any part, couldn't she? It was easy. Why did it make her feel sick? Krycek unlaced his breeches faster. Scully's heart leap high in her throat. She tried to swallow around it but found she couldn't. She hadn't seen a man's penis before and she was certain that's what he wanted her to look at. Why? Why was that his price for information? The fact she didnt know terrified her.

"You've never seen a man's cock before, have you?" Scully felt numb, her body frozen but she managed to shake her head

"No" she whispered out. Could she do this? He'd tell her information if she did and she really wanted to tell Mulder something. He'd be so pleased with her if she found out what had happened. She wanted him to be proud of her. To look at her in a brilliant light, as she did him.

Krycek's cock was achingly hard and as soon as his laces were completely undone it sprang out.

Scully tried to pull away. Terrified anew. He encouraged her to look down with his eyes. She stared down at the thick hard flesh and gulped. Her stomach knotted painfully. *Why* did he want her to look at him there she thought again.

"Mmm... that's it." She startled a little as it bobbed up once. Pulsing under her gaze. Nerves bubbled inside her, boiling in her stomach and pulsing through her veins. She had to be brave for Theresa and for Mulder. Tears spilled out of her eyes, she wasn't exactly sure why she was crying. 

"It's okay, sweet Dana." He held her wrist tightly and pulled her hand slowly closer to his cock. "Why don't you touch it? You'd like it, I promise. And I'll tell you *everything*."

She felt so scared, terrified, but she felt like that too was something simple, a petty ask in the grand scheme of things and something she had to do. Something she actually *could* do to help. 

He knew something about her friend, something that could help led to peace for the spirit. She could deal with a touch. It wasn't as if she'd never thought about it. She was ashamed to admit, even to herself, that the thought of a man's penis, especially Mulder's, had entered her mind before. It was always in a perifiral sort of way before though.

With that thought she gulped back tears and lurched her hand forward. Her fingers barely touched him, she was still shaking. He grasped her hand quickly and wrapped it firmly around his length. It felt so odd to Scully. Like velvet wrapped around wood. Solid, smooth and unbelievably warm yet it gave her stomach another sickening lurch. She whimpered in fear. 

"It's okay. Ohhh... You're doing so good, sweet girl." He tried to forcefully move her gripped hand up and down his member. She jumped and hauled her hand away from him.

"You - you said just a touch!" She said accusingly. She held the hand that had touched him with her other hand, close to her chest, out of his reach. She took a step back. Her fear and instinct ruling. "Please. I just want to find out what happened to my friend" She cried out, tears slipping unchecked down her cheeks. She remembered Mulder wiping them up before and the thought of him gave her strength. "You will tell me" Scully said in a commanding voice. 

"I'll tell you *as* you stroke me. How about that?" He said. 

Scully thought on it for a moment. The sickness was worth it she felt. To know what had happened. She was far too naive about the wickedness of some people to realize he had only asked her to look at first and was taking pure advantage out of her need to find answers.

She reached a shaking dainty hand towards him again. Bitting her trembling lip. Her entire body coursing and shaking with fear.

"ENOUGH!" Mulder's voice pierced through the empty street. 

"Shit" exclaimed Krycek as he pushed her hand from him harshly and ran off down the road. His cock bouncing with every step. It would have been a humorous sight in a different situation.

Mulder ran towards Scully. Letting Krycek get away. Scully was far more important.

"He knew... he said he knew. I wanted - he was going to tell me... I... he knew" She babbled away, staring at the hand that had so recently touched his cock. She moved herself to the wall of a building and huddled against it like a wounded animal. Her check caressing the stone.

"He lied, Scully." He reached out to her and brought her into a hug, she didn't resist. He was tender and gentle with her. 

She was innocent, he knew, but he could also tell she now knew she'd been used and it could have had a horrific ending. His reaction to what had happened had made her realize that it was completely wrong. That Krycek had been cruel and used her. It made her start to sob. She could have been raped, Mulder knew it and Scully was starting to realize that what had happened could have been so much worse. 

"I'm sorry" She sniffled into his chest. She felt a strange kind of shame flow through her. She'd been fooled and very nearly taken complete advantage of. She *had* been taken advantage of, she reminded herself and sobbed harder.

Mulder held her tighter. He felt awful and his usual tendency to blame himself for anything wrong took over him. Scully clutched at his shirt, soaking it with her tears. He felt her shaking. 

"Shh... it's not your fault. *I'm* sorry I left you, Scully. I shouldn't have left you. Are you okay?" He felt tears prickle at his own eyes. Ashamed of himself for leaving her to be abused by such a monster. 

"I'm fine, Mulder" She said but her actions betrayed her and she buried her clutched hands in his dress shirt. 

She was so innocent and knew nothing of the evils of the world. He did and he should have known better than to leave her. 

"You can't be with me always" she said on a sigh. Her tears started to dry and she pulled away from him a little. 

She looked up at him through her lashes. He rubbed her back soothingly. 

"I want to find out what's happening as much as you do." She said. Her voice taking on a self assurance he felt proud of her for. 

"Did you find anything out?" She asked, pulling away from him. Mulder sensed that she desperately wanted to forget what had just happened to her. 

"Are you sure you're okay, Scully?"

"I said I was fine, Mulder. I meant it." She tried to give him a small smile, it didn't touch her eyes. At his disbelieving look she added "He frightened me but he didn't hurt me. Not really" Mulder just nodded at her.

"I actually found someone who knows Mr Krycek. He told me what kind of man he is. It sounds as if your friend fell in love with him but, I'm afraid, it seems he just took advantage of her." He told her. He felt horrible for telling her that her friend was being taken advantage of especially by the same man who had just molested her in the street but he couldn't keep things from her.

"He said he fucked her hard. What - what did he mean?" Scully asked, not meeting his eyes. "I mean, I've heard people use that word before but... I didn't know it meant something, not really. I thought it was just an exclamation of anger" She seemed embarrassed.

Mulder felt heat rise in his cheeks and blood rush to his groin. He mentally cursed himself for his bodies reaction. Hearing such words pass her lips was having an effect on him he'd not have thought possible. She was waiting for an answer and he wasn't sure how to give her one. He exerted all his will to calm his half hard cock.

"Some people use that word when they're talking about sexual intercourse" He told her through slightly gritted teeth. He couldn't believe he was basically having a conversation with a *nun* about sex. Scully blushed a vicious red and looked at her feet. 

"Oh." She mumbled "I'm sorry" She told him as though she was ashamed of herself for leading them in the direction the conversation was taking. He gripped her gently by the chin and looked down to catch her eye's. 

"Do not ever be sorry for asking about things, Scully." He told her in as soothing a voice as he could manage. "I can try and explain anything about what happened just now that you want me too. You can ask me anything Scully, even sexual things." He pushed aside his discomfort at discussing another man forcing her hands on him in order to let her know that it was okay to talk about her fright and worry with him. 

Scully swallowed fiercely, the tendons in her neck showing as she did. She wanted to understand what had just happened to her and, more importantly, why. There were such bizarre and frightening feelings pulsing through her. She didn't know if she should be discussing them with Mulder or not but she would never feel able to talk about such things with Mother Superior or any of her friends at the convent. 

"Why did he do that? Was I -" She sighed and shook her head "Did I do something wrong" She felt like she must have and she was deeply ashamed about it. She may have been innocent in matters of sex but she wasn't *that* naive and she knew that what had happened had to have been to do with something sexual. 

"No. No, you did nothing wrong." She looked ashamed again. His hands tightened a little on her shoulders "*Nothing*, Scully." He said firmly, making sure she understood. "Do you understand me?" She nodded. He nodded once at her. 

"Then why?" The slow snake of shame kept winding through her, twisting and coiling within the pit of her stomach regardless of Mulder calming her. 

"I - he was a cruel man. What he did wasn't sexual at all, it was..." 

"I thought you said it was *sexual*" She interrupted him quickly. Confusion changing her shame, giving her another bizarre quiver in her gut.

"No, I said that some people call sexual intercourse fucking but what he did to you... it, well... It can be sexual but only with..." He paused for a second trying to think of the best way to explain to her that what had happened wasn't what sex or anything intimate felt like. 

He focused his gaze on her veil, not her eyes, reminding himself she was, in fact, an innocent nun and he'd have to be careful with the way he went about it. "Love. It should be with someone you love. What that man did, Scully, it was abuse..." He saw her eye's flicker, perhaps in true realisation that such things were meant to feel good and not scary "I'm just glad I got there before anything else happened. You didn't deserve such a horrible first experience" 

Scully swallowed again and nodded absently. 

"Thank you" She said, he nodded. She was glad he'd shown up, not just at the moment she needed him but in her life I'm general. She wasn't sure if she was just thanking the universe in general and God or if she was thanking him for explaining things to her. 

"Come on, let's head back. It's near dinner time already" He said, breaking the silence that was desending over them. 

They rode back to the convent in complete silence. Scully was utterly lost in her thoughts. 

She couldn't wrap her mind around what had happened at all. She felt ashamed of herself for some reason even though she knew what had happened was not her fault. 

She had secretly wondered what Mulder's penis looked like, was what happened a twisted corruption of that curiosity. Sickness kept twisting in her, a constant reminder of it all. Was it her fault? Had wondering what it looked like, wondering about Mulder without clothes on somehow made her God punish her? She felt wrong, disgusting. Had she done something bad and made it happen? 

They got back to the convent faster than she felt like they should have. Mulder went to help her down from Lightning again but found her struggling down herself. 

Scully knew he must be disgusted in her and she didn't want him to have to touch her. She couldn't bare it so she half fell, half climbed off of his horse. 

"Thank you for allowing me to go with you" She said. Before he could even answer her she was gone. He wanted to follow her, to talk to her some more but he held back. He had to settle Lightning in for the night anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and (hopefully) enjoying. A spacial thanks to everyone who comments. They keep me going :-D


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to be having some issues with this not showing updates so I hope you're all managing to see new chapters

They had sat away from each other at dinner. Scully choosing to stay away from him and with her friends. Mulder sat next to Pauline who seemed to understand that she shouldn't ask about him and Scully.

The Mother Superior could sense the awkward shift as well as everyone else in the convent. They always shared meals together outside in the garden and considering it was a beautiful evening there was no reason that they were each sitting in the main hall other than them choosing to distance themselves. 

Scully tried to imerse herself in the babble of her friends, tried to let it wash over her and help her forget about what had happened and her feelings for Mulder. It didn't seem to be working well though and anytime her eyes lifted from her plate she found herself looking at Mulder. He was always looking right back at her.

Scully finished her meal quickly and left the table and her friends. She wanted to find the usual calm peaceful solace she found in her garden. 

She remembered the book about growing medicinal plants and reached into her pocket to retrieve it. She felt sorrow wash over her as she remembered her chocolate wasn't there but still in Lightning's saddle bag. She couldn't just go back out of the grounds to retrieve it and asking permission to do so seemed silly.

Scully sighed around her sadness as she sat on the bench in the garden and started to read her book. Hoping to loose herself in the text.

"Hey" She jerked and snapped her head around. It was Mulder. He had seen her leaving, made his excuses and followed her some time later.

"Hi" She gave him an awkward smile. 

"Did you, um, enjoy dinner?" He asked. He didn't want to bring their attention back to Krycek and what he'd done to her. It was the only thing he could think to ask that seemed 'safe'.

"Yeah, I like fish alot. Just like most of Azure, I think" She grinned a little at him. She was glad he seemed to be trying to go back to normal and forget how much he had to be disgusted and dissapointed with her. She had scolded herself thoroughly all through dinner at how stupid she was. Mulder sat down opposite her, taking her openness to conversation to mean he was welcome 

"We had fish everytime my Father was home. He brought in some of his catch and we ate together listening to his sea tales" He saw her eye's glistening with happiness at the memory of her Father. 

"It doesn't seem to me that you are forgetting anything about your family" He said softly, remembering what she'd said about why she wanted him to call her Scully. "I think you're just *afraid* you are but I can tell you still love them all very much... It sounds like you had a very wonderful childhood." He told her gently. He didn't want her to believe what she was clearly telling herself. She shouldn't be beating herself up over anything, certainly not that. She smiled at him but said nothing. 

A slightly awkward silence descended over them. Neither sure of how to talk to one another around the elephant in the room. Scully decided she couldn't sit in such awkward company anymore.

"Have you, um, thought anymore about the ghost?" She asked.

"In all honesty I can't think properly about it at all. I thought I'd be good at this, you know" He gave her a boyish grin, trying to ease the tension some more. "Have you?" He asked her when she said nothing.

"Oh, um. I guess I haven't either. Alot happened today so I just..." she broke of. She felt annoyed at herself that she was bringing up the days horrible events.

"I know. I'm sorry" He all but whispered. "Do you want to talk about it properly?" He asked in a sheepish voice. He hardly knew her but he felt like he did and he could tell she was fiercely independent and not likely to rely on someone for anything. He guessed she had to become strong and dependent only on herself after what she'd been through. 

"Not really" She gave him a thin lipped smile. "I guess I just hate that I don't understand it all. I'm not very good at not understanding" She laughed out a breath.

"You're not alone in that" he grinned. "I'm not sure what else to tell you, Scully. He was evil and what he did... it was abuse. All you can do is remember that you did nothing wrong and that you have a lot of people around you that lo - care about you and will always be here for you." Tears glistened in her eyes. When he'd finished talking she nodded and took a slow breath through her nose. A steadying, soothing motion he noticed she had. 

"Thank you" She reached across the table and grasped his hand. He gripped it back and she smiled. Perhaps they'd be alright after all he thought. She slowly took her hand back from his. 

"Oh, hey. I brought your chocolate in" Said Mulder, reaching into his breeches to retrieve it. Her face lit up. 

Mulder passed the half eaten bar over to her. She took it eagerly, breaking off a piece right away and popping it into her mouth like a starving child. He watched her the whole time, grinning as she closed her baby blue eyes in bliss. 

"Would you like some?" She asked, already passing him the bar. 

"Thanks. It's better than I remember it being" He told her putting a small bit in his mouth and passing the bar back to her 

"I think so too. I confess I ate rather alot of it in my childhood" She giggled.

"Are you trying to tell me you were a chubby child Sister Dana Katherine?" He teased. She quirked her eyebrow into an arch and gave him a look that dissolved him into laughter. She laughed heartily upon hearing his laugh. 

They sobered shortly but she kept smiling at him softly. Her heart feeling lighter than it had since that morning. She still felt confused about everything but a little better after making her love laugh.

"Mulder?" She started, her tone solemn, serious. A question burning in her. One she knew she could not find peace within herself until it was answered. 

"Mmm?" He responded around the mouthful of chocolate. 

"Is it different if you're in love?" He didn't say anything straight away. "I mean, you said it should only be done with someone you, uh, loved... so, is it.. is it different?" She felt her checks flush again and cursed her ancestry for such fair white skin. 

Mulder tilted his head down to make sure he caught her eyes that had fallen to the table, away from him. She allowed their eyed to meet. He reached for her hand slowly, wishing to somehow convey his feelings for her though the moment alone. She closed the distance and linked her fingers between his. 

"It's very different" He told her sincerely. She smiled, squeezed his hand and pulled hers back. She looked lost in thought for a moment. 

"Have you... um." She broke off, flushing scarlet. Her eyes looked panicked. She shouldn't have tried to ask him. 

"I've been with a woman before if that's what you were going to ask" She panted out a breath, her lips pursed. She nodded, a jerky movement. She shouldn't have asked really. It wasn't her business but she couldn't keep her mind from thinking about everything. Sexual thought's that had never before been fully entertained were flooding her. She had wondered about things certainly but not in the same way. More of a passing thought before, now a lingering curiosity.

 

She stood abruptly, a movement that even she hadn't expected. Her body taking control of her with its desire to distance her from his answer and in turn from him. His answer just gave her further questions. Who was she? He said he wasn't married? Had he been and she'd died? Death, Scully was sure, was all that would drag a woman from Mulder. 

She wasn't sure what to say now. How to talk to someone who was so obviously world wise when she was... well, not. She'd spent all of her adult and teen years in the convent. How could she presume to know what the outside world was like. How such things happened. 

She also felt a hot angry jealousy rip through her. Something she'd never felt before. Had never had cause to feel. She fiddled her fingers on the cuffs of her habbit. 

"I didn't love her" Mulder told her, standing up slowly to join her. 

"But you said" She felt angry at herself for being unable to keep up with what was happening. 

"I know. I - I guess I thought I did back then. It was a very long time ago" He confessed to her. "I guess I know better now" He told her gently. He reached out to calm her hands. She let him take them away from her cuffs and into his own.

Scully couldn't talk, his touch turning her brain to mush. She decided not to ask anything else although questions burned within her. She decided she didn't really want the answers anyway. The thought of another woman's hands on Mulder gave her a tight sickness she was utterly unaccustomed to and one she didn't wish to prolong.

Instead she gave into the fierce overwhelming desire she had. She reached her dainty fingers slowly, so very slowly, up to his face, away from his hands. Caressing his cheeks and running them gently over his lips. He said nothing but let her explore his features, his heart racing. She leaned up, went on tip toes and pulled his head down to hers. Her eyes danced between his, fear mingling with hunger. She didn't know what had pushed her towards such a decision, all she knew... all she cared about was gazing back at her in his eyes.

Their lips met slowly, a chaste, almost chldlike kiss. Mulder's heart flipped in his chest. She'd kissed him, actually kissed him. Why? He knew not nor did he care. They pulled apart just as slowly. 

Scully seemed to mull something over for a moment, then her lips curved into a full blown smile, all teeth a gums, sheer perfection. He had to kiss her again. It was almost as desperate a desire as a man drowning craves oxygen. Mulder smiled back at her and tilted his head down again. 

Their lips met once more, as gentle as the first yet somehow so much more. Scully felt a zap of something warm and a little scary in her chest and down between her legs. She'd never felt anything even remotely like it before. He moaned and started moving his lips. It felt even better! She copied him and moved her lips over his. All of a sudden she felt his lips part. Was that it? Was it over? No! She wanted more. So much more. She started to pull away, reluctantly, sadly.

Then she felt his hot silky tongue run over her bottom lip. What was he doing? She gasped at the feel. The next thing she knew his wet tongue was *inside* of her mouth. Mulder had taken her gasp as admittance and plunged in, desperate to taste this angel. 

Scully's mind was thrown for a loop. What was he *doing*? Her mind couldn't keep up, could hardly process what was happening. Had the couple in the market done this? She let out an odd strangled sound and he rubbed her tongue with his. It felt heavenly! His hand reached down to her waist, caressing and massaging there, never daring to stray to places he'd rather put his hands.

Scully let her hand wander in an idle fashion up into his hair. Running small fingers through it, toying her nails over the short ones at the nape of his neck.

The couple at the market had definitely not done this. They hadn't opened their mouths or rubbed at one another. This was even more wonderful than she'd dreamed it could be. 

She felt a tingle in her stomach again, more insistent. Excitement or nerves? The feeling pooled even heavier at the apex of her legs. She rubbed his tongue back, copying him. Playing with his tongue as he played with hers. She couldn't help the moan that spilled from her and was captured up by Mulder. She was a fast learner. She wrestled his tongue in the open cavern of his mouth after chasing it back out of her own mouth. The kiss grew heated, teeth clashing at points. She felt hungry, starved for something... something she simply didn't understand.

She felt something wet and slippery between her legs. What was that? Was she so excited she'd lost control of her bladder? She pulled away sharply, her eyes wide. He looked at her, stunned. 

"I'm sorry" He whispered out, a pained expression adorning his face. He wasn't sure what was wrong but he knew it had to be his fault somehow. Yes she initiated the kiss but he should have stopped her. He shouldn't have made it passionate. She was a *nun* and that was probably her first kiss, why did he have to ruin someone so pure? He could hardly stand to look at her. She must hate him. After all she'd been through at the village. What kind of man was he truely that he would shove his tongue down her throat the first chance he got? He couldn't do anything to further corrupt this angel. 

She was so panicked that she didn't care if he saw her unguarded fear. She had pulled away sharply from him. Her eyes wide with worry. She didn't even register the worry in his voice, she was too concerned something was very wrong. 

"There's something wet between my legs." She gasped out. She was so scared she was trembling. "I have to go" She told him. She felt cold, clammy, humiliated and above all absolutely terrified. Atleast it didn't appear the moisture had leaked through her habbit she realised with some small relief. She felt tears of shame and fear trailing down her cheeks as she turned to flee. Her first kiss and she'd ruined it! 

Mulder grasped her arm, stopping her from leaving.

"It's nothing to be afraid of, Scully." He was so confused. Surely she knew what it was. She couldn't be *that* innocent.

"It's not?" She asked, still looking afraid.

"No. It's alright" 

"Then... wha - what is it? Did I, did I do something wrong?" She asked him. Her body close to his again.

"You didn't do anything wrong" He wasn't sure how to tell her that it was just because she was turned on. *He'd* turned her on! It made his head spin. She was looking at him with a furrowed brow though, expecting him to answer. "Your body is, um, it's getting ready to, uh, accept mine" Accept? What a great choice of words he scolded himself. 

"Is that a, a good thing? I mean... it doesn't hurt or anything" She said. She was blushing now. She wasn't totally naive, especially after what had happened with Krycek, although she wasn't *exactly* sure what happened during sex she knew of it and this was beginning to sound like something to do with sex. It was just a kiss though. It wasn't sex. She had heard, from some of the girls in her old fishing village, that sex hurt, alot, and the kiss definitely hadn't hurt. She had never been so confused before.

Mulder wanted to tell her it was a very good thing. He bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself. What was he meant to do? She was staring at him with expectant eyes. 

He did the only thing he could think to do. He leaned down and kissed her again. 

"Mmmph..." she grumbled against his lips in surprise. After a second she responded eagerly and wrapped her arms sound his neck. She clawed and pulled at him. Her need for him confusing to her and completely unfocused. 

"AHHHH..." The spirits piercing scream broke them instantly apart. She stared at Scully again and started to cry. She shook her head. Her communication, although silent, was clear to Scully. 'No' 

Scully stood in silent paralysing fear until an instant later when the ghost flew off leaving the garden with a sorrow filled scream. One that pierced them both to the bone.

"Scu" Mulder began.

"Don't, Mulder." Scully interrupted, her shaky hand slicing the air. "We can't see each other anymore. We can't. I, I can't..." tears glistened in her blue eyes, she looked sadly up at him through her lashes. 

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Scully bristled a little at his use of slight profanity.

"I think she was pretty clear, Mulder." She turned her head from him. Breaking their eye contact. "What on earth was I thinking? We can't kiss! I'm studying to take my vows. I... I can't do this!" She whimpered out almost to herself. She turned back to him. Her whole body shaking like a leave trapped in a vicious wind "Obviously you're not my path. I can take a warning. I won't end up like the Sister's that took their lives" tears tracked like rivers down her face despite her efforts to keep them in check "I won't" She whispered to herself.

Mulder made to grasp at her, to what end he wasn't sure, he just knew the love of his life was about to leave. His heart twisted and writhed within him so he was clutching to the one thing that made sense in the world, Scully.

She ignored his attempt to pull her back.

"No, Mulder" her voice was stern. "We're done with whatever this was" tears flooding down well worn tracks, skittering off her chin. She turned and left.

Mulder watched her leave, his heart breaking with every hurried step she took. She had said they couldn't see each other anymore. Not even that they just couldn't be together. They couldn't *see* each other.

He wasn't sure he could stay at the convent and help lay the spirit to rest without even being able to spend time with her. He wanted more than anything to take back that kiss which was absurd. He had loved the kiss. More than loved it. But it had driven Scully away from him and he didn't know if he could stand that. It was the strangest, most heart aching thing he'd ever felt. To want someone so badly that he'd do anything to have her yet to be able to cast aside his desire to merely spend some moments in her presence. 

Mulder stood in shocked silence until the sky's grew dark and a thin rain fell. The first drops of water that touched him seemed to pull him out of his trance, stabbing into him, painfully chilled. He noticed the book he'd bought her still on the table and quickly retrieved it before it got damaged. 

He walked slowly back to his room. Too broken to even cry. To get the brief release he craved by sobbing.

He settled into bed but instead of sleeping he found himself reading her book. Praying to her God to allow him rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading :-) As always please comment! I'm shamelessly addicted to them.


	9. Chapter 9

Scully woke at 5am the next day after crying herself to sleep, even writting her feelings down hadn't soothed her this time. The spirit had made it painfully obvious that she couldn't spend time with Mulder anymore but she just couldn't believe that what she had done was wrong. Couldn't accept that something that felt *so* right could be wrong. 

Was what she felt *wrong*? Did it somehow make her likely to end her life? Would she follow her sister's and commit suicide? Should she not see Mulder at all? Not help him with his quest to bring peace to the spirit? Suppose she ignored the spirit and did what felt wonderful to her would she then be marked by the spirt? *Forced* to end her life?

Everything about her life was shifting and she wasn't sure she had the internal endurance to survive the shift, to accept the knowledge that she was gaining of the world. Of the cruelty but also the love that she had found outwith the safety of her home. The only home she'd known in years. 

These were the thoughts and concerns that had allowed her no restful sleep the night before and were clearly not going to allow her a peaceful day.

She didn't even want to go outside of her room. She almost wished she was ill so as to steer clear of her sister's, of everyone. She wanted to cacoon herself in her blankets and worry the day away.

She mustered all of her internal strength and hauled herself out of her bed. She bathed and got ready for Vigils at 6am. She made a mental promise that she wouldn't think of Mulder's kiss all day, atleast she'd *try* not to. She wouldn't allow herself to feel broken hearted over essentially losing him. It was for the best, she was sure. It had to be, didn't it? Her normal life could resume and her future could unravel the way it was always meant to. 

Scully walked to Vigils quietly. It was normal for none of them to talk to one another until breakfast. Each of them trying to ease out of the Great Silence they had at night. They tried to observe silence after Compline, their last service of the day, but it wasn't strict and few of them, other than the older residents, truely observed it.

Scully normally hated to take any part in the Great Silence but today she was glad of the quiet. Glad she wasn't expected to speak to others for what would she say? How could she explain how much her heart hurt.

Vigils seemed to pass quickly and soon enough it was breakfast time. Scully felt as though she was more able to deal with people after Vigils. The usual soothing mix of psalms and scripture calmed her enough to face the day. 

Scully collected her breakfast and turned to the tables to decide where to sit. Although she still wanted to be alone she ignored the feeling, knowing the sooner she integrated herself back into normal life the better it would be.

"Good morning, Sister Dana Katherine" came Sister Beth's kind voice from her usual space at one of the tables. 

"Morning, Sister Beth" Scully smiled back. Sister Beth was perhaps her closest friend now that Sister Theresa had passed on. 

"How are you?" Beth asked with a note of concern when Scully made no immediate move to sit down. 

She sensed an awful sadness about her friend, it was obvious to all the residents of the convent, that something had happened between Scully and Mulder although no one knew what. Sister Beth wished more than anything she could take Scully's pain from her, shield her from every pain in the world.

Scully was one of the youngest residents of the convent and many of the sister's, including Beth, felt a fondness and protectiveness for her beyond what they felt for their othef fellow Sister's. Since she had joined at such a young age alot of the slightly older residents saw her as a younger sibling, one that you adored and got along with wonderfully. 

"I'm, um, I'm ok" Scully told her with a fake smile. It was a lie and she knew it, she suspected Beth did too. She couldn't stand to lie but she felt as though the truth wasn't something she should, or indeed *could*, share with anyone. She went to sit with Sister Beth.

Just at that Scully heard Mulder's voice. She couldn't make out the words but she turned as though he'd called her name. She found him chatting to Mother Superior, sitting next to her with their breakfasts.

Her heart leaped to the throat. Light from the window caught the chestnut of his hair. He looked even better than he had just twelve hours ago. She didn't know how she could carry on seeing him around the convent but not spending time with him. 

The tray she held with her breakfast slipped through suddenly numb fingers. Clattering to the wooden floor. Breaking her from her daze with a startling suddenness. She blinked quickly, her eyes still on him.

Sister Beth was at her side in a second but she hardly noticed, her eyes fixed on him. Mulder's eyes had locked onto her's too. The whole hall had stopped to stare at her but all she could see was him. Forest green eyes pierced into her from the other side of the hall. Her world narrowed to just those eyes, swirling around her, lifting her very soul.

He gave her a sad look, a faroff sorrow, before he turned sharply away. She'd never seen such pain before.

Scully felt as though time had paused for a moment but as he'd turned away from her it sped up again. The chatter of the hall filled her ears once more.

"Oh, Sister Dana Katherine. Here, sit down dear. I'll get this" Sister Beth's voice broke a little as she spoke. Heat rose on Scully's face. 

A mixture of fried egg and sausage lay on top of a shattered plate before her feet. Sister Beth took her arm and sat her down. 

Time passed but all she did was stare off into the distance. Unaware, or perhaps uncaring, of the hustle that had resumed around her. 

Before she knew it Sister Beth was holding a new tray with two breakfasts on it. 

"Let's go and eat outside, dear" she said half pulling Scully up from the table, away from the hall... away from Mulder. She wanted to scream, to beat the floor like a tatruming child would, to force his gaze back to her and stay in it forever.

Instead Scully allowed herself to be lead outside by Sister Beth. She sat them down at the bench. The bench Mulder had sat on with her. Would everything remind her of him? Could she never escape the complete saturation of him she felt in her heart. Seeing him around the convent everywhere, remembering the times she'd spent with him. Torture!

Scully's bottom lip quivered ever so slightly. The last time she'd been here had been when she'd kissed him. When her life had broken, shattered so completely.

"I kissed him" She whispered almost to herself in a sort of distant wonder.

"Mr Mulder?" 

"Oh, um..." she swallowed around the sudden tightness in her throat. Realising she'd voiced it out loud, she nodded, tears filling her eyes.

"Oh, sweetie. It's okay. Whatever happened it's not worth your tears" Sister Beth told her. Completely forgetting about breakfast and pulling Scully into a fierce hug. Scully wept silently into her friends habbit. Tears of confusion and heart break soaking the black fabric. Sister Beth stroked up and down her back soothingly.

"Are you in love with him?" Sister Beth asked after some time. 

Scully pulled back, wiping her nose on the fabric of her sleeve in a very childlike manor. She just nodded her head, her bottom lip down turning, a signal of unshed tears. She wondered idly when she would be cried out. Even after sobbing so much that she could hardly see straight she found she still had to choke back more. 

"It's not a bad thing, Dana" Beth said using only Scully's first name to try and instil some calm on the clearly broken woman and remind her that Beth was first and foremost a very dear friend. 

"How can it not be?" She cried out, her voice filled with anguish and her eyes cast to the floor. 

"I'll tell you the same thing I told Sister Edna when she was still with us; You must do what is in your heart and it will help you follow the path that God has set you on" 

"Sister Edna was in love?" Scully asked. Her tears drying now. She had something new and different to cast her minds attention on and she latched onto it. 

"Why, yes. I thought you knew. She was crazy about a young man in the village. She used to sneak off and see him anytime she was asked to go to the butchers. Then she started sneaking off all the time. Once she even tried to sneak away mid prayer" Sister Beth smiled, a laugh dancing in her eye's "then, bless him, the boy *broke* my window throwing pebbles at it." Her voice danced around the laugh now too "He thought it was hers. It was all frightfully romantic" She chuckled "but then..." she sobered completely, she didn't need to say anymore. Then Sister Edna had taken her own life. 

"I do not wish to see Mulder anymore" Scully told Beth. A firmness in her voice, though they could both see it for what it really was, bravado. A painful lie she was trying to convince herself was true.

"Then you won't. I've heard news that he's leaving at the end of the week" Beth told her. She hoped this bit of information would scare Scully into action. Into something other than moping around looking so forlorn. She took a calming breath in through her nose at the news. 

"He's not going to help us with the ghost anymore?" She asked. Trying to sound nonchalant about the information even though it filled her with the sudden, almost overwhelming, need to scream.

"It seems as though he's at as much of a loss as we all are, I'm afraid. Mother Superior can always call him back if nessasary" She told Scully. "Come on, your breakfast will get cold." She half scolded and they each turned to eat. 

Scully mainly pushed the food around on her plate. The end of the week? Could she last that long without running to him? *Should* she? What would it be like once he was really gone? Could her life truely go back to normal? She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of never seeing him again. And he hadn't even done what he'd set out to do. Was it her fault that he was leaving so soon? She wanted to ask him but knew she shouldn't. She shouldn't allow her heart the chance to spend time with him again. A nice clean break was better. Wasn't it? Her thoughts were such an awful jumble! She hated it.

"Did you do anything else with Mr Mulder?" Asked Sister Beth after she'd eaten most of her breakfast. 

"What ever do you mean?" Scully asked perplexed, snapping out of her thoughts.

"You know..." she raised her eyebrow's a little in the hope that Scully would catch up. 

"Oh" Scully coloured at what she was implying "No. No, we didn't, um, do anything else" 

"Pity, I've always wondered about that. Sister Theresa told me it hurts at first and than its wonderful but I'm still curious" She said absently, then seemed to realise what she had said and quickly grasped Scully's hand. "I mean not that she... she probably heard from... you know what she was like" Scully clasped her hand over the nun's in a calming fashion.

"It's ok, Sister Beth. I know about Sister Theresa and Mr Krycek." She practically spat out his name but held herself in check, not wanting anyone to grow suspicious of him and be forced to explain what had happened. She let go of Beth's hand after the nun seemed to calm.

Scully had grown much more accepting over what had happened with Mr Krycek although it had been less than a day ago. She had worried it over in her mind and prayed alot and she had found that what had happened had *not* been her fault. That he was just an evil man and not on the same level as Mulder who was the only real man she had ever met as an adult and so she would put the whole ordeal up to experience and growing. It was not worth her time and certainly not worth her pain or tears. 

"Yeah, she was pretty hung up on him..." she realised what she'd said as Scully's eye's widened "Oh! Oh, I didn't mean. I was just..." she deflated "It's just a figure of speech" She told Scully in a sad voice. 

Scully knew that Sister Beth hadn't meant anything by what she'd said. She hadn't even been thinking about the fact that the nun had hanged herself to death. Scully stretched out her hand again and rubbed it over Sister Beth's.

"It's ok" she said in a whisper as her thumb rubbed the back of Beth's hand. "I know." Sister Beth cleared her throat and Scully let go of her hand.

"So... do you wish to confide in me as to why you're sad?" Sister Beth asked after a moment. Her voice soft and imploring.

Scully still wasn't sure if she could explain how she felt. If she could make someone else understand her inner turmoil. She decided she may as well try. After all what harm could it do.

"I kissed him" She mumbled after a long time.

"Yes, you said that alre..."

"No, you don't understand *I* kissed *him*. I've never taken such liberties before. It scares me a little, how uncontrolled I was. I'm not even sure what I felt, why I did it. I'd never kissed anyone before, I don't know what came over me. What possessed me to do such a thing. He did nothing to force me or... well, he didn't stop me either. He kissed me back and now I'm more certain than ever that I love him... but, but then the ghost came and she shook her head at me. I didn't hear her but I knew what she meant. She doesn't want me to see him anymore and, and I shouldn't want to... but I do" she whispered the last few words after rushing her story. She looked up through her lashes at sister Beth, oddly fearful of what she may say to her.

"I don't think you should let a ghost dictate how you live your life, Dana. Who's to say what she definitely meant anyway. You just think that she was telling you to stay away from him." 

They were silent for a moment again. Both of them lost in their thoughts. Could Sister Beth be right? Perhaps she'd misunderstood her? She doubted it. She was desperate to believe it if it meant she could see Mulder but deep down she knew she didn't. 

"If you love him, truely love him then you must be with him Dana. It'll be a harsh life if you deny yourself that"

"What if he doesn't love me back?" She voiced for the first time. She may be naive in some things but she was no fool and she knew that the chances of him loving her with the same ferocity were slim. 

"I find that hard to believe. Who could not simply adore you, Dana." She beamed at Scully who smiled back "besides you'll never know unless you speak to him and find out"

"I fear I am not brave enough for that. I'd be too afraid he doesn't" She chuckled a little, a cruel chuckle at her own cowardice.

"Bravery isn't the absence of fear, Dana. It's the judgement that something else matters more than the fear. If he loves you back just think of the amazing journey you'll have in life, with him" Scully nodded sadly. Her heart felt a little calmer and she was grateful for Beth's company but she couldn't help her fear. 

She doubted he loved her back. He'd been with a woman before so perhaps it was lust for her body that had him kissing her back. She knew of the lust that men felt, she knew it keenly after her attack from Krycek. She also knew that her own body lusted after Mulder. She wasn't a child anymore, certainly not after the recent events in her life and although sex remained a mystery to her she would be lying if she tried to tell herself she didn't think of it. Didn't think of Mulder *that* way.

Scully felt heat creep up her neck, threatening to make her blush. 

"Have you allowed yourself to think 'what if he does?'" Beth asked. Scully was glad of the distraction and her redness faded momentarily only to rise fully at that thought.

"You would still be able to visit us whenever you wished" Scully blanched. Leave the convent? Was she ready for that? Did she want that? She gulped. She hadn't even thought about that. 

"You mean I would have to leave?" She asked, her face full of childlike fear.

"Well, yes. You'd get married and live with him." 

"Oh" Scully felt like a fool. Ofcourse she would. She felt a thrill at the thought of being his wife and living together.

"It would be so romantic" Beth said on a sigh, almost to herself. Scully had the distinct impression she almost wished for that path herself.

They grew silent again. Scully had so many things she wanted to ask. So much unknown to her. It irritated and frustrated her to no end that she was so innocent of such things. Especially since Mulder clearly wasn't. 

"You're garden is looking especially beautiful. It's always at its best in spring isn't it" she said kindly, after awhile, taking in the splendor of the garden. Beth clearly wanted to break the silence and Scully wasn't going to complain at the lighter tone of conversation. 

"Thank you. I think it's at its best all year round, really" She said with a slight smile. 

"Are you going to plant anything new?" Sister Beth asked.

"Oh, actually I was thinking about..." her voice trailed off. Her book! She'd totally forgotten about it and left it outside the night before. How stupid she thought and felt instantly annoyed at her own foolishness. In her defence she had been scared out of her mind at the time. 

"Yes?" Beth pressed

"Nothing. It's, um... I think it's fine the way it is for now. Perhaps next year." She knew the disappointment was clear in her voice but she hoped Sister Beth didn't pick up on it. If she did, to her credit, she never commented on it. They were silent for a long while. Scully's thoughts drifting lazily and centering around Mulder. 

"Why don't we spend the afternoon here? Just the two of us. I'm sure Mother won't be apposed to me working in the garden." She smiled at Scully.

"Oh, thank you but you, you don't have to um... watch after me" Scully stumbled over her words as she spoke. She didn't want her sadness to start affecting her friends or to make them feel as though they must look after her. 

"I won't be watching after you, sweetie. Granted you're younger than I am but you're not *that* young" She teased with a chuckle. "You don't need babysat" Scully blushed and laughed for Beth's benifit. She didn't feel like laughing. It felt like a falsehood. Laughing when she felt so miserable. She *was* glad of Sister Beth's company and knew she would be glad of it that afternoon as well. It helped to sooth her breaking heart.

"I think I'd like that" Scully told her. Her voice was low, almost shy, embarrassed to admit to needing someone around her. She'd never admit to the fact that she didn't want to be alone with her thoughts. Not right now anyway. She'd done enough thinking alone and it hadn't worked.

"Great." Beth beamed "Why don't you take the tray back and I'll go and ask Mother before morning prayer" She stood to leave. Scully felt oddly anxious to be left alone but knew it was only for the moment and it would be alright. 

\----

Scully arrived at the main hall with the tray in her hand. She could feel him as soon as she entered the room, felt his presence before she even saw him. It was an odd sort of experience. She jutted out her jaw and held her head high. She would *not* let him see how much she missed him. It had only been one day she reminded herself, not even a full day at that. She could do this! 

"Thank you, Sister. She loves apples. It'll make me very popular" Mulder said, with what sounded like a smile, to the sister who was on duty at the kitchen. Scully surmised that he was talking about Lightning. The sister must have given him some apples for the beautiful horse. 

Scully felt an odd twinge of jealousy that someone else was gaining his favor but squashed it immediately and walked towards them to return her tray to the Sister.

"Oh, hello Sister Dana Katherine" Said Sister Sarah, with a suspiciously fake smile as Scully came into view. 

Scully had never particularly liked Sarah, perhaps dislike was too strong, they just hadn't quite gelled the same way Scully had with many of the others at the convent. She would never be unkind to Sarah, it wasn't in her nature, but the woman's tendency towards gossip did little to warm Scully towards her.

"Hello, Sister Sarah" Scully said back with a forced smile. She could feel Mulder's eye's on her but did not look towards him as she stepped forward. 

"Hello Sister Dana Katherine" came his baritone. She did not want to look at him. Did not want to test her will to stay away from his arms, from his lips, so soon. Her heart panged painfully that he hadn't called her Scully.

She ignored the pain as she placed her tray over to Sister Sarah. Noting Sarah's intent gaze at the pair. Clearly hoping for some gossip about them to share.

"Morning, Mr Mulder" She said back, never even chancing a look at him. She didn't trust her own resolve. 

"Well, thank you again for the apples Sister Sarah. I'll see you around" He smiled and left. Scully let out a breath as she heard the door close. 

She turned to go back to the garden. Looking forward to her afternoon with Beth and the added joy of being able to be candid about how she was feeling without judgement. Beth was right Scully thought. She would tell Mulder how she felt. The fact he was going to leave in a few short days made her even more determined not to allow the spirit to be in her way.

She felt as though she had nothing to lose, if he didn't feel the same he'd be leaving anyway. If he did... well, she could deal with that incredible, but only remotely possible, outcome if it happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments! They keep me so motivated :-)


	10. Chapter 10

Scully stood pouring clean warm water over her weary body. She'd spent a wonderful day in the garden with Beth but the disadvantage of spending the entire afternoon in the garden was that she had gotten filthy. Normally she bathed in the morning, finding that it helped to wake her up but she just couldn't stand the thought of soiling her bed clothes or her sheets with the dusty remnants of the soil she'd toiled in.

She had heated the water and started bathing in her tin bath tub. She watched in a disinterested way as the suds fell from her breasts into the tub she stood in. Her thoughts couldn't help but shift to Mulder as she did. 

She had put in a conscious effort to loose herself in the light chat she shared with Sister Beth and the menial chore of weeding the already weed free garden. Now that her mind was free to wander she couldn't stop it honing in on him.

The afternoon had passed without much further conversation about Mulder. Scully suspected that Sister Beth was trying to respect her privacy and not pry too much again. 

The thought that Mulder would be leaving at the end of the week terrified her and now she was unable to distract herself from the fear. What should she do? She knew she had to tell him how she felt, that much was a given but... *how* would she? She had never been in such a possition before and she wasn't at all sure how she was meant to proceed. Was there a protocol for such things? Should she simply beg him to love her back and hope his apparent lust for her would be enough to convince him to be with her? 

She washed out her shoulder length hair with the soap Sister Theresa had made from mint. She loved it but her heart got heavy everytime she permitted herself to use it. How long would it be before the soap ran out? It was the last thing she had of her and although the smell brought back wonderful memories, the more she used it the less she had. She saved it for special occasions, for moments when she felt in great need of her best friend. This night was definitely a night she could do with the girly advice of her peer. 

Spending time with Sister Beth was great but it didn't beat the conversations she had been able to have with Sister Theresa. She knew that alot of the nun's saw her as a little sister, a child, so she didn't feel as able to let go completely with them. She had been able to be completely herself with Sister Theresa since they were about the same age. It was like having her loving sister, Melissa, around rather than her mother or an aunt.

That's not to say she didn't appreciate her friendships with her other Sister, no, they all meant a great deal to her. It just wasn't the same.

Scully slowly massaged in the mint soap until her scalp was pleasantly tingling and she felt more relaxed. She mentally thanked Mother Superior again for allowing her to have Sister Theresa's soap. The usual procedure was to give all a deceased sister's things to the local orphanage or other local good will places, to give to the less fortunate. Scully rinsed her hair of the thick lather as she remembered the day she'd gotten the soap.

Scully had sat in a state of utter shock on Sister Theresa's bed, grasping the soap and weeping as the local authorities asked questions about her suicide. Thankfully they had already taken her body away by that time and they left quickly enough. She sat for a few moments after they'd left, she felt alone and damaged, even though Mother Superior was there. Scully had placed the soap on the bed when she'd stood to leave, her body shaking from the fright. Mother Superior passed it to her and forced her hand to grip around it. She had given her a look, nodded once, pulled her into a fierce hug and bustled from the room.

Scully rinsed herself completely once more ensuring that any remaining soap suds were gone and stepped out of the tin tub. 

She went through to her bed chamber and dried herself off. She felt sudden irritating tears prick at her eyes but she sniffed them back. She had cried enough. She would try and fix it all so there was no sense in sobbing when she hadn't tried everything to heal her heart first. 

She sat on her bed after changing into her night things, intent on getting an early night. She'd wake up bright and early tomorrow and fix what needed fixed. She'd talk to Mulder and try to apologise, if that was what was needed and she was sure it was. 

Scully settled more fully on the bed and picked up her well worn copy of the Bible. It was dogeared and thoroughly loved. It had belonged to her mother many years ago. It was one of the last remaining things she had of her mother and her mother's belief and faith were the main reasons she'd chosen to come to the convent and not an orphanage.

She was just about to flick to a particular passage she loved when she heard an odd scratching at her door. A slice of fear raced through her. Tendrils of pure panic grasping at her. Was it the ghost? She sat stock still staring at the door, barely daring to breathe. The scratching came again. 

She had to know what that sound was but at the same time she was rooted to her bed. Scared of what it could be. Hardly anyone ventured to her room especially so late at night. She swallowed or rather gulped down her fear. Praying for courage, she silently creeped from her bed. If she was going to die at the hand of the ghost this night she would stare her in her black eyes as she did. She'd go home, to heaven, proudly, not cowering in her bed.

She stood for a moment at the door, hearing the odd rythmic scratching. Then, breathing through her panic, she clutched the handle. With one sharp turn she thrust it open.

Mulder.

Not a ghost. Not a death omen. Her love. He jumped back in fear, she had startled him so badly the ink well he was awkwardly holding splattered on the ground. The black ink spilling, dribbling out a dark puddle on the floor. His hand had clutched a bit of paper in his fear. 

"Mulder?" She felt confusion surging through her. What was he doing here? 

He stuffed the paper in his pocket and smiled a small embarrassed smile at her.

"Sorry. I... here" He fumbled with his pocket for a moment and produced her book. He reached out to pass it to her. 

Scully's eye's lit up. Her book! He'd brought it to her. She couldn't even speak properly as she took it from his shaking hands. 

Mulder was clearly worried about being there. He knew, or rather assumed, it wasn't normal to go to a nun's bed chamber's when all the others were abed. 

He had simply meant to write a note to her and leave it and the book infront of her door. He had been writting the note, using the door as a solid surface, when Scully had pulled open the door. He wasn't sure what he should do now that his plan hadn't gone the way he wanted. 

Scully had taken the book from him and Mulder felt his mouth water as the strong scent of mint coming from her still damp hair hit him.

"Would you like to come in?" She asked boldly. Now was as good a time as any to tell him of her love, wasn't it? 

Mulder's eyebrow's shot to his hair line. She was standing in a slightly frumpy night gown but it did nothing to hide her otherworldly beauty from him. Most importantly she was inviting him in! 

She had told him they would never be able to see each other again. She'd *said* it! Right to his face. But now... 

"Oh... kay" He managed to stammer out. He would take whatever in the hell he could get regardless of how confused he was at such a sudden change in events. Only that very morning they'd called each other by their formal name's. Somehow that seemed to sting more than either of them had thought it would.

Mulder ambled past her and into a room exactly the same as his own. She had made it no more homely in her year's there. He suspected they weren't permitted to own much themselves which explained the lack of paintings or decoration most people had.

Scully shut the door. She felt oddly naughty having Mulder in her chamber, alone. She let the thrill flow through her for a moment and then motioned for Mulder to sit on the bed. His eyes shifted a little, a worried kind of glance between the door, the bed and Scully before he sat down on it.

The second he sat on the slightly lumpy bed a puff of her clean warm scent covered him. Home, that's what it smelt like. Not warmth as he once thought but home. She had somehow became his home. 

"Thank you bringing my book" Scully told him before they both dissolved into the uncomfortable silence. Each of them desperate to talk to the other. Each longing to apologise, to make the rift between them right but neither able to vocalise the overwhelming need for the other. 

"Scully... I..." He trailed off. She looked eagerly at him, hoping that he'd be able to steer the conversation. "I mean... Sister Dana Katherine..." He started again, trying to remind himself that she didn't want to pursue a relationship, that she was a nun. It hurt to call her that, such a step down from the intamacy he had felt at calling her Scully. Funny, he thought, that her last name felt more intimate then her first. 

"Scully" she told him. A roll of sickness coursed through her at the sound of him calling her such a formal name, the name all the other residents called her. She loved it when he called her Scully, like a sort of pet name.

Mulder nodded somewhat sadly. He wasn't sure he could stop himself from wishing for more than he could have calling her that. It was silly really but he didn't trust himself to see Scully as just a nun and not the woman he'd spent last night kissing. If he called her Sister Dana Katherine there was a slight disociation he could administer. He couldn't tell her no though. He already had the feeling he never would be able to. 

"I don't have much here but would you like something to drink? I have water" She told him after an indeterminable period of awkward silence. 

"No, thank you" He said, being brought back out of himself. 

"I had better get going" He told her reluctantly. He didn't want to leave but he felt he should. 

"Oh..." She didn't want him to go. She wasn't sure what she could do or say that would both get him to stay and not scare him. 

"I'd like it if you stayed" she told him simply. Choosing to be honest over anything else. 

"I'd like that more than anything, Scully" He told her. She shivered at how he said her name. She didn't realise just how much she really did miss it. 

"But you said we couldn't see each other anymore. I intend to fulfil that wish" He told her in a somber tone. He stood to leave. 

Scully grabbed his arm preventing him from leaving. Her eyes looked up at him, bore into him. Those deep endless ocean blue eye's staying him. He looked down at her, saying nothing. The desire to kiss her again was almost overwhelming but he desperately tried to stop himself. He would *not* hurt her more than he felt he already had. 

"Stay. Please" She said. Her face blushing a little. He adored that blush a little more every time he saw it. Their eyes didn't disconnect and he just nodded slowly at her.

Scully turned from him, breaking their eye contact first, and sat on the bed. She felt sure he had been about to kiss her again. She wasn't sure why she hadn't let him. The only reason she could think of was that she wanted to figure out where they stood instead of allowing both of their lust to take over. Or perhaps it was the constant concern of the ghost although she didn't want to admit to such cowerdice.

"Did you go back into the village today?" Scully asked as she patted the space beside her on the bed. Encouraging him to sit. She assumed he had went back out to the village as she hadn't seen him after he'd gotten Lightning her apples.

"Yes" He said after sitting down shyly next to her, being sure no part of them was touching. He didn't want to go into details of what he'd done. Safe to say Mr Krycek wouldn't be assaulting anyone any time soon, if ever. He decided to steer her attention back to the ghost. The whole reason he was there... or atleast it was meant to be. 

"I spent most of the day looking into a woman called Suzanna Trave. She was a nun at the convent decades ago and she bares a very strong resemblance to the spirit we each witnessed when... in the corridor" He stumbled slightly over the words as he tried to navigate around the huge elephant in the room. He didn't want to remind her that they had kissed. Not considering the way she had pulled away so sharply from him after it. 

"What else did you find out? Anything?" Scully asked excitedly. She was so glad he'd found out something about the spirit especially considering how little she had really helped and how much he'd wanted to figure out the mystery. 

"Well, I asked around the village and ended up talking to someone called Thomas. He is an old man now but he knew Suzanna back when they were in their early twenties. He told me their story. It was heartbreaking" He broke off for a moment to gaze at Scully. Her damp hair hanging in loose waves around her face, begging to be pushed behind her ears. Her lips begging to be kissed. He sighed and looked back at the floor.

Scully looked back at him. Her eyes studying his features, taking him all in. His slightly pensive shoulders, the sad droop of his perfectly pouty mouth and the distant look in his eyes. The story, whatever it may be, had struck him, she could tell. It had hit a nerve. She wondered why.

"They were lover's, Thomas and Suzanna, back in his young years. They were so in love that he would have done anything, risked anything just to be with her. He told me that she didn't feel exactly the same. She was too torn between her love for him and her love for her God. She didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to handle the love she felt" He looked back at her slowly. Scully felt a deep sadness fill her. This young woman sounded so like her best friend. It hurt to think of Theresa in such pain, such confusion. The main difference, perhaps the only difference, was that Suzanna was truely loved by Thomas but Mr Krycek had not loved her dear friend.

"She got pregnant. She took her own life quickly after. She couldn't handle it all. She was... Shit - she was so lost, Scully" It was the first time she had heard him swear so openly and it caught her off guard for a moment. She gulped down the rush she felt at his profanity and held herself back from reaching out to him. He was clearly upset by it all. 

"And you think that she's targeting people with similar stories?" She asked.

"I... I hadn't actually thought much beyond what Thomas told me to be honest" He gave her a small sad smile. "It sort of hit me harder than I thought." He didn't dare tell her that he saw something of himself in Thomas. He still loved Suzanna, that much was painfully clear, and he'd spent his whole life miserably alone. Never daring to be with anyone else. Mulder knew that was going to be his fate. He'd ride away from the convent in a few days and live out the rest of his days alone. Desperately aching for Scully but never being able to have her. Scully just nodded quietly beside him.

"You're right" Mulder gasped out. His body seeming to come alive again. He sprang from the bed. Scully recognised it as the same excitement that had come over him when he'd first seen the ghost. 

"That's what she's doing. Perhaps in warning or... no, perhaps she is punishing them for the way the feel? But... why now? Why not years ago? Someone, some sister would have had to have fallen for someone before now... what if someone... But then..." He stopped suddenly, spinning to face her. "Why you?" He asked as he calmed.

"What?" She wasn't sure what he meant. Why her? 

"Why would the ghost show up with you? Wi - with *us*? I mean..." He wanted to desperately to ask her if she loved him. The spirit had only went after people who had loved another. He couldn't allow himself to hope for that but then she *had* kissed him. Did that mean she did love him as he loved her? He had to know.

"Are you in love with someone?" He asked steadily. He didn't ask if she loved *him*. His heart couldn't really take the rejection he was sure he'd get. Surely it had to be someone else. Perhaps someone else she had met in the village? 

"I... I think... I mean I" this conversation was not going the way she thought it would. She'd built herself up nearly all day with the intent of admitting her feelings. Now, however, faced with Mulder standing in her chamber with pleading eyes, her confidence was lost. 

Mulder gazed intently down at her. He thought he knew the answer. She wouldn't be so nervous if she wasn't in love. He sent up a silent prayer to her God that it was him! 

"Ye - yes" she stuttered. She cleared her throat, staring at the carper "Yes, I'm in love" She said. When she finished she cast her eyes up at his. They glistened with tears, a fear so tangible that Mulder could almost feel it occupying the space between them. 

Mulder wasn't sure what to say back to her. It wasn't as if she admitted it was him she was in love with but he had an excited fear flooding through him that told him he was in for a good chance. 

"Is it... me?" He asked after a moment. Swallowing his fear and grabbing at whatever courage he still had. 

Scully took a deep breath through her open mouth, her eyes not meeting his. Then, as Mulder stared, she nodded. 

His breath wooshed out, emptying his lungs. She loved him! Truely loved him. He could hardly believe it. This perfect angel saw something in him. Something she loved. He could barely wrap his mind around it. He wanted to be with her so badly and now... now he maybe could. How did he ever get so lucky?

"Is that why she is haunting me?" Scully asked in a small voice. She didn't want to force Mulder into saying something he may not mean. She didn't want him to have to dwell on the fact that she loved him if he didn't feel the same way. She'd done what she had set out to do, she had confessed her feelings, her love. She didn't need to know how he felt back. She secretly didn't want to hear his pity or rejection. That would be too much for the moment.

"I... I think that she may well be targeting woman that are in love. Woman who's storied remind her of her own" He told her. Why had she changed the conversation so quickly? Should he tell her he felt the same? She didn't seem to want to hear that. Or did she? 

Scully just nodded silently.

"So, how do I - *we* stop her?" Scully asked.

"I'm not too sure but during my research I've found that iron and salt repel spirit's and that they cannot cross running water, a river or the sea. It didn't explain why." She could tell that the lack of explanation frustrated him "The main advice I could find was to nail an iron horse shoe to the door of the person the spirit is fixated on" 

"Okay, we could do that. I'm sure Mother won't mind it being there" 

"Scully, I... can you say it?" He asked. He wanted to hear the actual word's. It was so easy to tell himself she didn't really love him, not really, without hearing it. 

"Say it?" She had no idea what he was asking of her.

"How you, uh, feel... about me" 

"Oh" She flushed scarlet to the roots of her drying hair. "I... I'm in love with you, Mulder"

"I'm in love with you too" Mulder told her. It was almost an impulse to admit it back. Perhaps he shouldn't have. Just because she loved him didn't mean she wanted to be with him. It didn't mean she was willing to try a relationship. He was no fool and he knew all the things she was feeling were completely new and very probably scary. 

Scully's head snapped up to him. Her eyes bulging in shock. He loved her! He loved her back. He really did. It wasnt just lust. She knew he wouldn't lie. Not to her. Not about that. She grinned widely at him.

They met each other gently, hesitantly. Each terrified of the strong emotions, the scary and comforting feeling of being loved. His lips brushed her's. It was chaste and so sweet. Scully pulled back. 

"Suzanna" she spoke the ghosts name in apology. They couldn't carry on the kiss even though they each wanted to do so more than anything. It wouldn't do to anger the spirit and ruin something so new, so fragile. 

"We'll put her to rest soon, Scully. Me and you" He told her and kissed her forehead. 

A promise of things to come rushed through her body. 

Everything would be okay, Scully just knew it. They loved each other. Everything else was inconsequential.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading. I'm having such great fun with my first AU. I'll be sorry to see it end, I think. Please let me know what you thought :-)


	11. Chapter 11

They had spent most of the night simply talking to each other. Not just about the ghost but about everything. Their families, the reason she loved mint so much, his time in Fortwell, anything and everything that popped into their heads. Neither of them had ever experienced such a freeing feeling. The chance to be so open and to know there would be no harsh judgement from the other. 

It had been wonderful and torturous for Mulder. He loved talking so openly to her, sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings with the woman he loved but he also wished, perhaps more than anything, that they could share in something much more intimate. He wished he could make love with her. To show her how much he loved and desired her. He held himself back though. Not only was he afraid of the spirit of Suzanna but he was worried he'd frighten Scully with the extent of his passion and need for her.

They had fallen asleep, squeezed into her single bed, some time before dawn. Both exhausted but unwilling to let the other go. The mere thought of Mulder going back to his room and leaving Scully was unthinkable to either of them. She had dozed off first, wrapped in his arms, and he had followed soon after. There bodies almost comically folded in together to make the most of the tiny space available on the bed. He knew he probably should have gently unfurled himself from her and made his way back to his own bed chamber before succumbing to sleep but his heart wouldn't let him. She looked so unbelievably peaceful and so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her so he gave into the pull of sleep and snuggled deeper into her.

Scully woke up a little after 5am, exhausted and stiff. Her inner clock was set and honed to waken her at that time every morning. Regardless of how little sleep she'd gotten the night before. She felt as though she'd had very little in the way of good solid rest since Mulder had come to the convent. 

Mulder.

She remember with a sudden startle that he was still there, in her room, wrapped up around her. Her back was to his chest and she could feel the heat radiating off of his sleeping body. He mumbled a little in his sleep and shifted closer to her. She closed her eyes with a smile and leaned further back into him. 

Then she felt his member, hot and solid, at the side of her hip. She gasped loudly. Her eyes snapped open at the shock. It hadn't been that way last night. She was starting to understand the way a man's penis worked, she thought, stimulation or excitement made it hard just as she had gotten wet. 

Mulder had said it was her body getting ready to accept his when she had gotten wet before. The thought still made her slightly embarrassed but Mulder had seemed happy about the knowledge. She understood his happiness now as she felt her own excited thrill at the feel of his hard cock. She groaned loudly in confusion. The whole thing frustrated the hell out of her and she cursed herself for her stupid innocence, for the fact she hadn't payed any attention to the older girls at the fishing village when they'd spoken of men. 

Mulder flinched and awoke when he heard her groan. It took his mind about two seconds to wake up properly and realise he was sporting a huge morning hard on. Another full second to notice he had it jabbed into Scully's hip. 

"Sorry" He mumbled and pulled his hips back, disconnecting the contact. Embarrassment coursing through him. What a way to ruin their first morning waking up together.

"S'okay" she said quietly to him. Her voice still rough and lazy from sleep. She wanted to ask him about it, about why he'd gotten that way and most of all she wondered why she felt saddened by the loss of the contact. She turned in his arms, a dopey smile on her face. She had never felt so amazing when she'd woken up before, held in a loving embrace by the man of her dreams.

"I better get back to my room" He said as soon as their eyes touched. He wanted to kiss her good morning but didn't want to enrage the spirit. Suzanna had not disturbed them all night and he'd hate for her to ruin their moment together. He also felt ashamed that it was Scully's first morning with him and he'd had a raging hard on. He had to be so much more gentle with her he thought. He couldn't scare such a new love away. They'd only just admitted their love for one another. There was no need to rush things. 

"Oh, um, sure. I'll be free after Vigils if you wanted to, uh... I'd like to see you. We could go to the market? Get the iron horse shoe?" She felt like she was wittering on, desperately trying to make sure she would see him soon. She didn't know how to proceed with their love. She hadn't thought up to this point, hadn't worried it over in her mind. 

In all her musings she'd never really thought about what it would be like if he actually loved her back. She hadn't really let the thought form. Even when Sister Beth had spoken of it she hadn't fully allowed herself to think past just admitting her love to him 

Mulder wasn't sure where to go from the previous night either. He knew he loved her and that she loved him but that didn't mean she was ready to be *with* him. She was a nun! Well, a postulant but that was almost as good as one. How could he even begin to broach the subject of marriage or sex with her? Of any of the things a couple would normally do together. He decided to try and simplify; catch the ghost. That had to be first and foremost. Everything else could unfold in time. It would take a natural course. He was sure that would be easier. 

"Uh, yeah. Sure. I'd like that. I think I have a spare shoe in Lightning's saddle bag though so we don't have to go back into the market" He told her. He didn't want her to have to go back to that place, not ever. "They're pure iron. My family had expensive tastes and I still buy them for Lightning" He blushed a little at admitting to spending so much money on something. 

It was probably more money for an iron horse shoe than she'd see in many years. Scully didn't laugh, didn't mock him at all "She's worth it though" she smiled again and then rubbed her nose over his. It was somehow even more intimate than a kiss.

Mulder stood up after rubbing her nose back with his, uncurling from her heat, his rumpled clothing sitting oddly on his lean body. Scully felt his absence as a freezing chill.

"I love you" She said rising up from the bed to meet him. She probably shouldn't have said it, she thought, but she wanted to provoke him into saying it back. She wanted, more than anything, to hear those words coming from his mouth. She knew she had said it out of nowhere but the thought of spending the morning without him had made her desperate enough to blurt it out.

"Oh, Scully. I love you too." He rushed out "So much" He bent and kissed the crown of her minty head. He was slow to leave her sweet smelling hair and she linked her arms around his body. "I can't wait for Suzanna to be put to rest. I can't wait to kiss you, properly kiss you." He mumbled into her hair. 

"Me too" she pulled back, smiling up at him. "Me too, Mulder. I wish... I wish it could be different" she looked sad for a moment. 

"I do too. As soon as she's at rest everything will be better. We'll be able to get married and live together, have children, do everything we've ever wanted" 

"You'd marry me?" She asked, eyes wide. She knew Sister Beth had told her that would happen but to hear Mulder talk about it still sent a bolt of pure pleasure through her. 

"Of course. I mean, if you wanted to." He wished he'd thought through what he'd been saying better, so much for letting it run a natural course. He didn't have anything ready that he'd have wanted to when he proposed. 

"I want to" She was giving him that full smile that he loved so much, showing gum and teeth, it was reaching her eyes, making the dawning sun sparkle in them. "I really want to" She grinned. He grinned back at her. To hell with ring's and flowers and expensive drinks and fancy food. He dropped before her to one knee, grasping her left hand between his. She stood still, looking down at him.

"Scully, I... I don't have a ring" He blushed "but I'd love nothing more than for you to agree to marry me. Officially. Well, its officially unofficial until I buy the most beautiful woman in the world a ring." 

Tears welled in her eyes. She had fantasised many times with her sister, Melissa, when they were each young, about what the moment would be like. About candles, music, the perfect ring but... Scully knew now that none of those things mattered at all. All that mattered truely was the man who was doing the asking. And this, this exact moment was completely perfect. Mulder was completely perfect for her!

"Yes!" She cried out. Tears sneaking out and down her face. She sunk to her knees next to him on the floor. 

Their lips meet furiously for just a moment. Each terrified of the spirit but the desire to seal their engagement with a loving kiss won out. He pulled back first this time, resting his forehead on hers. They were probably taking liberties with the spirit, becoming overly bold with what they were doing, taunting her. 

Mulder decided it didn't matter and pulled back to kiss her lingeringly on the forehead. Besides, the spirit hadn't shown up for a relatively long time when they'd made out in the gardens so he figured she might allow them this small respite. 

"I love you, Scully." He whispered out as he helped her stand as he did.

"I love you too, future husband" She giggled and bumped his hip with hers. A playful side she hadn't shown in awhile coming out, a teasing smile on her face. 

"Mmm... I better go before I can't leave you" He told her. He gave her one last quick kiss on the mouth, then dropped his head to her left hand and kissed her ring finger, right where a ring would sit. With that he hurried from her room.

 

\-----

 

Scully spent a long time getting ready. So much so she was very nearly late for Vigils at 6am. She went through it with a strong sense of happiness. Yes, the ghost was a pressing issue but the rest of her life couldn't be any better. She was engaged! Something she had never thought would happen after moving to the convent. She didn't have a ring to show off but she felt like her eyes shone brighter than any jewel at that moment. She thanked God for sending Mulder to her. He *was* her path after all.

They chose not to sit with each other for breakfast. They both wanted to give her time to tell her friends alone. To bask in the happiness of her newfound relationship. Mulder sat with Pauline but his eyes would hardly stray from Scully.

She sat next to Sister Beth, Sister Helen and Sister Betty. All of them he'd seen before, passed them in the corridors or been served food by them at some point. Sister Sarah, who he'd met the day before, sat away from them and Mulder almost laughed out loud when he saw the gossiping nun leaning over to try and catch the conversation with the pretense of borrowing the salt. He sensed that Scully disliked her and would have not shared her news if she knew she was listening in.

"So he just asked you?" Sister Beth asked her. Her ruddy checks even brighter with joy. "Oh, Sister Dana Katherine! This is such wonderful news!" 

"Yes, it is. Congratulations!" agreed Sister Helen. Sister Betty said nothing but smiled and nodded her agreement. Word was that she had been ill on and off since she'd fainted at Vigils a few days ago. 

"Thank you" Scully beamed at the three woman. "We still have alot to do before we... uh, get married. The ghost..." 

"Oh, forget her. I'd rush off into the sunset with him" Sister Helen said excitedly. "Only after you get married here, of course. We've *got* to see it!" She still held a fork full of beans poised near her mouth. All of their breakfasts were hardly touched. 

"Yes, definitely! Sister Betty is an excellent seamstress, she'll be able to get a dress sorted for you. Oh, Sister Dana Katherine you're going to be *so* beautiful!" Scully blushed at her words. All three of her friends chuckled and smiled affectionately at her. 

"I'd love to help with your dress. I'm sorry but I'm... I'm not feeling too well just now" Sister Betty said after a moment. She stood to go back to her room. It was only then that Scully noticed how ill and frail she really looked. She wasn't that old but her body seemed older than her year's. She made a mental note to keep her in her prayers. 

"Feel better soon, Sister" she told her sincerely as Sister Betty said her goodbyes and bustled out of the hall. 

"You're getting *married*?!" Sister Sarah piped in, deliberately leaning over even further to pry into the conversation. "I wouldn't have pegged you as the type" she said viciously slamming down the borrowed salt.

"Excuse me?" Scully asked, turning in her seat to face the woman. 

"Oh, ya know. Abandoning your friends, your *God*. All for a *man*." She let out a snort of disapproval. 

"That's enough Sister Sarah." Sister Beth said. She pulled Scully's shoulder and turned her around. "Just leave" 

Sister Sarah got up and done as she was told, for a change, with a disgusted look at the group of friends. Scully was stunned. She knew she wasn't the best of friends with the gossiping nun but she had never thought she'd be cruel. Not in a million years. 

Was she really abandoning her God for Mulder? No. She didn't think so. She still felt the same overwhelming love and devotion for her God that she always had. Perhaps even more so since he'd sent her Mulder. She could feel herself saddening at Sister Sarah's words. A dramatic drop from what she had been feeling before. A plummet from cloud nine 

The chatter resumed slowly around them and Scully and her friends started to eat their breakfast. Chattering excitedly about her impending wedding although not with the same zeal as before. 

"AAAHHHHHH" A piercing scream come from seemingly all around them. 

Nun's ran, cutlery and plates clanked and smashed. The whole hall seemed to come quickly to life. A pale grey specter floated quickly to Scully's table. Mulder rocked his whole trestle table as he jumped up and ran for Scully. Breakfasts littered the floor, beans and sausages covering the place.

A shriek. A scream. And it was upon her. 

Sister Helen and Sister Beth screamed, blood curdling sounds, then they ran from Scully. Later, alone in their beds they'd feel guilty, ashamed at leaving her. But fear has a way of gripping you. Of forcing you to do thing's, abhorrent things, often cowerdly thing's. 

She floated mere inches from Scully's face, her eyes as black as coal, burrowing into Scully's sea blue ones. Fear sliced through her, stealing her breath and making her unable to move. She couldn't run, couldn't scream. Suzanna's mouth opened, another guttural scream piercing through the hall, bouncing off of the walls. Her stinking, corrosive breath burning Scully's nostrils. 

Mulder got closer. He had no idea what he'd do once he got there. He just knew he had to get to her. He *had* to. 

Suzanna raised one gnarled hand. The skin stretched too tight over thin bones. Mulder ran faster. 

She swiped down with her claw like nails. Scully's face exploded in agony. A rip down her pale ivory cheek. Crimson blood rushed to the surface. A deep strawberry gash forcing a cry from Mulder and a sob from Scully.

With a flash of strength she didn't know she possessed Scully grabbed the salt shaker from the table. Quivering with fear she tossed it's contents over the spirit.

"NNNAAAHHHHH" Suzanna screeched.

Before their eyes sizzling burnt sections covered the ghost where the salt had hit. Gaping fissures that got wider and wider. She screeched again, as though in pain, puffed into a whisp like cloud and disappeared. 

It was only then Scully felt Mulder's arm stroking soothingly at her shoulder. He'd been too late to save her from the deep gash on her cheek but he was glad it wasn't any worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like this chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with me so far :-)


	12. Chapter 12

The Mother Superior rushed over to the couple. She was the only one besides Mulder and Scully that still remained in the dinning hall. The other sister's had fled the scene, terrified by the ghost and the chaos in the dinning hall. They were presumably huddling together in the court yard praying.

"Are you okay?" She panted as she drew nearer. 

Scully's face had burrowed into Mulder's chest as soon as the ghost had departed. The side without the gash rubbed over and over his solid form, unconciously soothing herself. She turned her face away from him to meet the eyes of a very worried Pauline. Her hand stayed clutched around Mulder's waist. 

"I'll be okay, I, I think it may need stitched" she said, her voice a mere whisper. The fright and shock still gripped at her. 

"I'll send for Dr Meadows from the village" Mother Superior said, taking in Scully's face. She ran a critical eye over the wound. It would likely leave a thin scar she thought with sorrow. The blood flow was slowing before her eyes. Clumping and clotting into a dark jelly like substance. She felt her own legs weaken. She'd never have thought herself someone prone to collapse but she sat down anyway, not wishing to make things worse and prove herself wrong. 

The sight of Scully's poor face had been too much for her on top of losing so many dear Sister's so it was no wonder she felt faint. She cast a worried look at Mulder and then gazed again at the nun she saw as a daughter.

"I can do it" Mulder told them as the Mother Superior started stroking lovingly at the hair that had escaped Scully's veil, tucking it over and over behind her ear. 

Both the woman's heads turned to him in question.

"I studied the basics at school. It was mandatory. If you have a needle and thread I could manage it" He felt so glad for his expensive education. Glad of the chance to help Scully. After all, she may not know it but she had helped him, helped his soul. 

It would take awhile to get a doctor up to the convent and he didn't want the love of his life to sit in pain for such a long time. It added insult to injury, he felt, to simply leave her with a gash on her cheek until Dr Meadows could come and that was assuming he was even free to do so.

"Yes. Yes, I'll get them" the Mother Superior said. Her legs felt steady beneath her once more as she stood slowly to leave. The initial shock of seeing Scully's horrible wound had worn off and she was once again a woman very much in control. 

"Oh, Scully. Are you really alright?" Mulder asked as soon as Pauline left, his fear for Scully didn't seem to be calming. He took a seat beside her trembling form. He felt sick to his stomach, the shame and worry coiling within him. He shouldn't have asked her to marry him. What had he been thinking? To enrage the spirit like that. What had happened to her was entirely his fault, or it certainly felt like it to him. To have been so stupid while the ghost was still haunting her. 

"I'm fine, Mulder" She told him, not quite meeting his eyes. She seemed to tell him she was fine alot, he realised, when the truth tended to be far from that. Hadn't she said that to him after what Mr Krycek had done? She tried her best not to lie, he knew, but he had the distinct impression she was. 

"Please don't feel the need to be strong" He told her. He didn't want to outright accuse her of lying and he was sure it wasn't intentional anyway. "It's just me, Scully" He added in a gentle whisper. 

Before his eyes she seemed to deflate, to allow whatever walls she had erected after her attack to crumble and turn to dust. She burst into tears. He'd seen her cry, been the cause of her tears, plenty times but this... this felt different somehow. Guteral and raw. 

Her head fell once more to his chest and she wept. He could feel her tears and blood soaking his shirt. Tears of his own pricked at him but he held them at bay. He very gently rubbed at the back of her veil. She nuzzled into him and then let out a strangled hiss as her sore cheek brushed the fabric of his dress shirt. 

She pulled back, trying valiantly to conceal her tears. They ran down her face, mixing with parts of dried blood, a rusty mess on her angelic like face. Mulder touched his forehead to her's.

"I'm so sorry" He whispered out. 

"Is this the part where you tell me I'm too ugly to marry?" She laughed a little at her vain attempt at a joke. They could both hear the panicked truth behind the thin veil she tried to cast. 

"Never, Scully. I'll never stop loving you" He told her. His voice wavered ever so slightly, not with dishonesty but with fear, with guilt. With all the million little doubts he had that he was right for her. She was so perfect and he had no doubt in his mind that she was getting the bum end of the deal.

She smiled through her tears and he reached over to her undamaged cheek and ran his thumb over it, clearing away her tears. He looked at her as though she were the only person in the whole world, the only one who mattered. His angel. 

"I've got them" Mother Superior called from the door to the hall. She hurried in, breaking the two soul mates apart slightly as they looked at her. "There's water and bowls in the kitchen" She told Mulder handing him the needle and thread. "I better go and reassure the sister's. Take care of my Dana" she told Mulder. Scully was slightly taken aback at the Mother's use of her given name and smiled up at her. She was sure it looked ridiculous with half her face torn up but she wanted to try and convey that she really would be fine. 

The Mother Superior gave Scully a small sad smile and left the room. She had overheard the news that she would be marrying Lord Mulder and, although it filled her heart with glee to know she was happy and in love, it saddened her a little to know she would be leaving. To know that the love she had found was costing Scully her physical strength made her ridiculously angry too. She had too many emotions and decided once she had calmed all the Sister's down from their horrific ghost sighting she would pray. She would ask God for strength in such a hard time, she'd ask him to watch over Sister Dana Katherine, mostly she would pray for the courage to let the little girl she'd once known go with Mulder. 

Mulder helped Scully up, although she did not need it, and steered her by the small of her back to the kitchen. It lay behind the line he'd qued in so many times, a portion of the counter pulled up on hinges. He motioned at her to sit on the one rickety stool in the middle. 

"I'm just going to clean it first. It will probably sting" He told her and gave her an apologetic look. 

"'kay" she said. Her voice sounded so small, a childlike fear replacing the adrenaline that had been flooding her since the attack. She felt tired... exhausted and so terrified. What if Suzanna came back, caused even more damage than she already had. What if the spirit cost her her very life or even worse, her new happiness and love. 

Mulder got the water and set a pot to boil. He didn't know much about the subtle art forms of a doctor, having only his limited school knowledge to go on, but he prayed that what he could do would be as painless as possible for Scully.

He bent the straight needle Pauline had given him exactly as he had been taught to do and sterilised it with the flame under the pot of simmering water. 

"Will she come back today?" Scully asked him. She wasn't sure why she thought Mulder would have the answers she did not, perhaps she just wanted to hear the reassurance in his voice. 

"I'm not sure, sweetheart" He wished he hadn't had to tell her that. He wished he had the answers for her. Wished he knew what was going on, wished more than anything he could wrap her tiny frame in his arms and keep her from any harm. 

Scully frowned sadly and nodded. She knew he felt awful over what had happened to her, could sense the regret coming off of him in waves. She felt as keen to his pain as she was to her own, her's was physical, his was clearly emotional. 

Mulder kept his eyes off of her for the moment, watching the pot coming to the boil, he couldn't look at her without remembering he hadn't got to her in time, hadn't saved her, hadn't done something, anything to stop her from the pain she was in. 

"Okay, ready. You might wanna get something to bite on after I clean it... um, you need to keep your face still just now, this will, well, it'll hurt" Mulder told Scully, his voice laced with sorrow. 

The thought of digging a needle into the love of his life's cheek hurt him in a way he hadn't believed possible before. He calmed himself with the knowledge that he was doing it to help her. He put the thread into the boiling water with the hopes of cleaning it of bacteria. He'd learnt in boarding school that alcohol worked best but he knew there could be no chance of finding that in a convent.

"I'll bite down on this" she said holding a wooden spoon for him to see. Mulder walked back over to her once he'd rung out a cloth of cool water. He started slowly cleaning the area of all the dried blood. The more he cleaned her delicate face the more he could see the actual wound. It didn't look nearly as bad as he'd first thought, it was a long gash but not quite as deep as he'd thought at first. It might not even leave a scar after all. He'd been worried it would, just as the Mother Superior had been. Not because it would diminish her beauty or perfection but because he was sure it would upset her, remind her. Nothing could ever steal her beauty, no amount of scarring or bruising or cuts, nothing. She'd always be perfect.

Scully sat completely still as he cleaned her face, willing herself not to cry or moan out loud at the pain. Every gentle rub of the cotton cloth felt like sand paper rubbing harshly over her tender cheek. One look at Mulder made sure she didn't show any signs of discomfort. He looked like he was in physical pain now, like cleaning her wound was hurting him. The thought of putting her through pain of any kind clearly hurt him and she didn't want to add to that. It was an odd realisation that her feelings, her pain, bothered him, that it all mattered so him so much. She didn't think she could feel more loved. He really truly loved her and she couldn't imagine being happier, couldn't imagine being more grateful to God for creating such an amazing man. 

"All cleaned up" Mulder told her soothingly with a shaky smile. He ignored the impulse to kiss her on the forehead. He'd loath himself even more if he did anything to further anger the spirit, anything that would result in her suffering. 

Mulder went back over and fished out the thread, he sterilised the needle once more and threaded it.

"Okay, bite down" He told her as he threaded the needle. He felt like a twisted surgeon. 

He went about stitching up her face as quickly and gently as he could. He found it best to focus on exactly what he was doing rather than *who* he was doing it to. He'd never actually done it before, atleast not on anything living so he wasn't sure how much pain he was causing Scully. They'd practiced on birds, frogs and other smaller dead animals. This was completely different and he hoped his technique was up to par.

It was even more painful than Scully thought it would be but she bit diligently down hard on the wooden spoon as he'd told her to. There seemed to be no end to the pain and she was sure there'd be teeth marks on the spoon after. It was an awful feeling! Feeling the thread gliding through her own flesh and tugging at certain points. It was so bizarre! To feel it inside of her flesh, actually *inside*. Her stomach hurled but she keep herself in check. She would *not* throw up! She kept her eyes closed and willed herself to think of something else, anything else.

"All done, Scully" He said as he finished up the stitches. She let out a soft, barely audible, moan of relief and withdrew the spoon from her mouth. Glad to see there were no imprints on it she put it back on the counter.

Mulder gently cleaned over the wound again. She gave him a small slightly lopsided smile. 

"Thank you" she said and grasped his arm affectionately. 

Mulder smiled back, trying to disguise his sadness. Scully picked up on it though. 

"What's wrong?" She asked, her voice tender. 

"I should have gotten to you quicker" He said, turning from her. 

"Mulder, no" she rose from the stool and moved towards him. He didnt turn although he heard her approach. "None of this was your fault. None of it" she said and stroked up his back. Mulder turned and pushed gently passed her. What kind of man would allow such things to happen to the woman he loved, he wondered. It was all his fault! 

"Dammit, Scully, Of course it is!" She actually felt herself shrink back slightly at the untamed anger in his voice. "I'm the one who got you involved in all of this in the first place! What happened at the market, what happened now... I'm not good for you. You should live your life without me. None of this would have ever happened to you without me. I should just..." He calmed "I should just leave" it was little more than a whisper but she heard it. She didn't want to have heard it, to have heard the pain in his heart. 

"You're right" she said taking steps towards him. "None of this would have happened in my life without you" she forced his head up gently with her hand, their eyes meeting "but... I wouldn't have *had* a life. Not really. I never knew it before but there's a difference between existing and living. A big one. You make me *live*, Mulder." She told him with a serious look in her eyes. "You make me live" she repeated, eyebrow's arched and trying to climb her forehead, wishing to convey how much he ment to her. Then she kissed his cheek. 

Mulder almost told her not to incase the spirit did something but it felt so right he couldn't find the words. Her lips felt so soft and full even on his cheek. He wasn't sure how long he could stand not properly kissing her again. He wanted to live in her kiss. 

"I love you" She reminded him, looking deeply into his eyes again "If I get hurt or cut or if *anything* bad happens to me I need for you to know that you weren't responsible... I wouldn't change a day" She leaned up and kissed away the tears that had fallen onto his face. He grasped her wrists and pulled her away.

"Don't, Scully" she just frowned and gave him a look of annoyance and confusion. "Suzanna could still... I don't know how much the salt affected her" He tried to explain.

Scully nodded her understanding and took a tiny step back.

"Well, we'll just have to quickly put a stop to her then, won't we" she smiled at him, her tone teasing. He smiled back. 

Scully felt exhausted and the pain in her cheek seemed to radiate all across one side of her face now. She tried not to show it though. Knowing how much it would upset him to see the pain in her face. 

"Why don't you go and rest?" He asked her. He could tell she was trying to put a brave face on it all but he saw through it. The adrenaline had worn off and she was completely drained and in need of rest. 

Scully nodded, too sore and tired to argue or keep up her front.

"Rest with me?" She asked, looking at him through her thick lashes.

"Scully, I... Suzanna..." He wanted nothing more in the world than to crawl into bed with her and rest. His adrenaline was fading now too that he knew she was safe. He felt drained although his body was rested. 

"You slept with me last night" She pointed out. She knew his fear, she was afraid of the same thing but she couldn't let fear rule her life, she wouldn't. 

Mulder almost laughed at the slight pout she had. She sounded so adorable! She looked even more so, even with the cut on her face. 

"Okay" He relented. She did have a point. The ghost hadn't been bothered the night before so perhaps it wouldn't be now. He didn't want to take any chances, he remembered what he'd read about the iron horse shoe.

"I'm gonna get the spare horse shoe from Lightning's saddle bag. Why don't you go on without me" He said to her. She seemed to be wilting in front of him, looking lazy and in need of a bed. 

"No. I'll wait here for you" She said in a firm voice. He gave her a nod and left quickly to retrieve it. 

Once out in the court yard he saw a few nun's milling around. They quickly dashed off when they saw him approach. Clearly afraid of him and what his presence might do. 

"Mulder" Came a shout from behind him as he neared the big iron gate. He turned to see the Mother Superior walking towards him, her habit billowing out around her. 

"How's Sister Dana Katherine?" She asked when she stood beside him, concern evident in her voice. 

"She's fine. I stitched her cheek and she's going to go to her chamber's to rest" He saw the older woman huff out a breath of relief.

"Thank you" she whispered. "Thank you for caring for my daughter" she told him. He could almost hear the sound of unshed tears in her voice.

"It's no trouble" the silence seemed to grow awkward for a moment.

"You're marrying her?" Pauline asked.

"I, uh, yes. If that's... was I meant to ask for permission or...?" He asked in a quiet voice. Fear suddenly slicing through him at the thought that he'd somehow done something wrong. Perhaps there was meant to be some kind of way to do it properly. 

"I couldn't think of a better man" she smiled broadly at him "I trust you to look after her" 

"Thank you. I will" He told her sincerely. "I'd give my life for her's in a heart beat" He whispered.

"Yes, I know you would, dear. That's the main reason I think this is such a wonderful fit. Will you stay here until the ghost is dealt with?" She asked. She hoped he would but didn't want to seem demanding giving that his priorities had changed.

"Yes. Yes, of course. I'm actually glad I bumped into you. Scully... uh, I mean Sister Dana Katherine needs your permission to put a horse shoe on her door. I'll need to nail it in." He told her. He was glad he'd remembered to ask her. Scully hadn't said they *needed* permission as such but it had been obvious to Mulder she'd wanted to ask Pauline. 

"Yes, of course you can. Anything to keep her safe. To keep both of you safe." She had no idea how a horse shoe was meant to do that but she trusted Mulder and if he seemed to think nailing it to Sister Dana Katherine's door would help then she would let him nail a million if he wanted. 

"Thank you" He smiled at her again.

"I better be off. I have my prayers to get to" She smiled a little again. It had taken much longer to calm the sister's of St Monans than she thought it would have so she hadn't even made her prayers yet. 

Mulder nodded and walked to get the horse shoe. Mother Superior walked back into the convent away from him.

Mulder got the horse shoe and went quickly back to Scully. She sat on the stool, a vacant expression on her face.

"Hey" He said by way of greeting, snapping her out of whatever musings she had been in.

"Mmm, hey" she said sleepily back to him, slowly standing up. "You got it" she reached to his hand and took it from him, looking it over as though expecting it to do something magical.

"Yeah, now we'll just nail it to your door. She shouldn't bother us at all in there now. Better safe than sorry" He smiled. "Is there a hammer and nail around?" Scully nodded.

"I'll need to ask Mother about putting it up" she told him.

"I already did." She gave him a questioning look as she opened a cupboard containing all manner of tools "I, uh, met her outside. She said it's fine" He smiled.

"Great." She passed him back the horse shoe and held a hammer and some nails. "Let's go to bed" Mulder almost groaned aloud at what she said. He knew she didn't mean anything sexual by it. She didn't have a clue as to how he'd take it so he swallowed back his moans and followed her from the room.

Mulder nailed the horse shoe to her door as Scully got into her comfortable night gown. He knocked on the door, not wanting to walk in on her changing. It was hard enough seeing her in a flimsy night gown, never mind catching her half naked. 

She opened the door to him. She smiled half heartedly, her exhaustion taking over her. 

"Come on" She said and took his hand, leading him back to the bed. He felt his cock stiffen so quickly he was nearly light headed. He reminded himself over and over again to keep calm with her. Even without the presence of the ghost he would wait until they were atleast married. She deserved that much, he thought. Most of the woman in Azure wanted to wait until marriage after all.

They climbed into bed with each other. Scully's eye's closing almost the second her head cuddled into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and followed her into slumber.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this has taken forever to post! I hope you're all still liking it :-)
> 
> Personal junk...  
> So the reason it's taken ages to post this is because someone posted a comment on a story I wrote ages ago essentially telling me that my grammar was so bad they couldn't read it :'( Don't get me wrong I'm all for constructive criticism but they didn't suggest anything or try to help or direct me towards something/someone that could. It basically felt like they insulted me and buggered off.   
> Most people don't know this as I try not to let it affect me or hold me back but I'm actually slightly dyslexic and my teachers ect made me feel stupid and worthless because of it. One of them actually said my writting looked like a hen had walked to the dump and back. Witty but cruel considering I was only about 9.  
> I basically deleted the comment and threw a total wobbly lol. My husband was at a training thing for work so I sat by myself feeling shitty.  
> He's home now and has reminded me that "it's better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self"   
> I love this story. I love txf and I love the fandom! Screw that one person haha.

Mulder woke before Scully, her head still laying gently on his chest, his arms still wrapped around her slender waist. He smiled down at her sleeping form, her face peaceful in sleep. Even her cut cheek didn't seem as bad. There was not a line of worry on her beautiful face and Mulder found himself content to just watch her sleep. He idly smoothed out her hair, brushing it lovingly off of her neck. Scully smiled a little in her slumber, clearly happy, even in her dreams, to have him so near, to have him loving her. 

A bell tolled and disturbed him from his loving muses. It was for lunch, he knew, and he felt himself snigger very quietly at the sound and the memories it brought with it. Scully grumbled quietly and rolled over onto her side, away from him. 

Mulder sighed a little at the loss of contact with her warm body. She slept on, clearly still wiped out from her earlier experience. He smiled down at her once more, placed a tender kiss to the nape of her neck and slid carefully out of the bed. 

Now that he was properly awake he found that he was infact hungry enough for lunch. He slipped on the shoes he'd discarded only hours before and left the room as silently as he could. The iron horse shoe chapped a little against the door as he closed it but after a breathless moment he heard nothing from the room and knew she must have slept on. 

Mulder walked towards the main hall, passing groups of nun's and smiling at them. They seemed a little less hesitant than they had in the morning to be near him and a few even gave him small smiles back or bid him 'good afternoon'. 

He stood in the queue waiting to receive his food. He wondered if he should get an extra plate for Scully, when she woke she'd surely be hungry. He decided he wouldn't as she'd probably chastise him a little for treating her like a child who was unable to get food on her own. She'd be able to get something later, it wasn't as if they were forbidden from entering the kitchen between meals. 

"Yes, I heard that too. I'll have to tell Sister Dana Katherine she is working on her dress and praying for her cheek to make a speedy recovery when I see her." said a nun infront of him. He wouldn't have even picked up on the conversation had it not been for the mention of Scully's name, he was lost so deeply in his own thoughts.

"I'm surprised she has the energy to do it with how ill she's been. It's so kind of her" replied another nun. Mulder wanted to join in on the conversation, to find out what they were talking about, what dress? 

Given that half of the convent only now seemed to even be able to stay in the same room as him he chose not to. He understood their fear of him, their caution. For all they knew he had been the reason the ghost had attacked. He supposed he was, in a way. 

The two nun's dropped their voices dramatically and Mulder could only just hear them.

"I thought it was a bit, oh, I don't know, selfish. I mean, yes, she calmed us down but she didn't even tell us about Sister Dana Katherine's cheek. Then she just went to her chamber's to pray." 

"Perhaps she just didn't want to frighten us. Mother Superior wouldn't do anything selfish" said the second nun. Mulder could tell she completely disagreed and wanted to stand up for Pauline. 

Their voices dulled as they got their lunch and moved on. Mulder got his own, baked potato and cheese with a delicious looking salad. 

"How is Sister Dana Katherine?" Asked the nun serving up the food. Mulder didn't know her name but he'd seen her around. She seemed sweet, her thin face pulled into a tight mask of concern. 

"She'll be fine, I think. I stitched up her cheek and she's resting in bed just now." He told her as she added grated cheese to his baked potato, being sure to school his features into a calm look of comfort and certainty.

"Sister Betty told us about her cheek. It sounds frightful. I'm glad you knew how to care for her. Sister Dana Katherine is such a kind soul she didn't deserve that." She blinked away a look of sorrow. 

Mulder nodded sadly "I'll leave a potato warming for her and she can come and get it when she wakes up if you like?" 

"That would be great, thank you Sister..." He looked expectantly at her.

"Lucy. Sister Lucy. We haven't met before but I've seen you around Lord Mulder." 

"Just Mulder" He told her. He hadn't been called that since he'd first arrived and he'd almost forgotten how much he hated the title. 

"Mulder. Tell Sister Dana Katherine she'll be in my prayers" she told him and he moved on out of the queue with a nod to Sister Lucy.

Mulder saw Pauline sitting at one of the large tables and considered sitting with her for lunch as he normally did when he couldn't sit with Scully. He decided against it. He couldn't stand to sit in the same room that it had all happened just yet. Not without Scully.

Mulder ate his lunch in the garden, letting his mind go over and over all the things that had happened. He knew there had to be something, some little detail he was over looking, the key to Suzanna and putting her to an eternal rest. 

He thought of Scully, of how their love for one another was causing such awful things to happen. He questioned the relationship they had. Was it right to stay with her when she was losing so much? He considered himself a very selfish man as no matter how he tried to convince himself that he wasn't right for her he just couldn't leave! He couldn't stop himself from loving her with all his heart, from seeing nothing but her in his future. 

He finished his lunch slowly, savouring every bite. He'd definitely miss the food once he went back home. He'd have to get the servants to start making meals again especially since Scully would be going back with him. A smile tugged at his lips as he thought of that.

He walked slowly back to the main hall to return the tray, he passed several more nun's on the way, hearing half conversations and mumblings. 

The talk of the convent was, of course, Sister Dana Katherine and her cut cheek. Mulder heard a few of them talking about visiting Sister Betty, she'd been ill in bed all day again, and about Sister Sarah's cruelty towards Scully. Gossip was just as prominent in the convent as it was anywhere Mulder had ever been, even his school.

The main hall was empty when he got there so he just placed his tray with the other's and returned to his own room. 

He wanted to wash up before going back to Scully's chamber's. He had realised while eating his lunch that he had a lot of Scully's blood on his clothing. It may have accounted for some of the other nun's reluctance to be near him. He made short work of cleaning himself up and getting a change of clothing. He wanted to be there when Scully woke up, assuming she hadn't already.

He entered her room quietly, not wanting to knock and wake her if she still slept. He could hear the sound of water being poured. 

"Scully?" He called when he noticed the bed was empty. He walked towards the sound and stopped dead in his tracks. 

Scully was bathing in the small tin tub they all had. She was naked, wet, perfection. She moaned softly as she indulged in the luxury of warm water slipping over her body. Mulder was instantly hard. 

She obviously hadn't heard him shout her name. She poured more clean water over her body. Glistening down her perk breasts, pulling her nipples into stiff peaks. He wanted to suck on them, to lick the dripping moisture off until she was writhing before him, wanton and begging. His eye's slipped down her incredible figure, spotting the glistening patch of dark auburn curls at her apex, he groaned aloud. 

Scully whipped her head around and let out a little shriek of alarm. 

"Shit. Sorry" Mulder felt like a complete pervert. He could have announced himself again, he *should* have. The sight of her like that had rendered him incapable of doing anything but gazing. 

He spun around, shame blazing on his face. She'd never want to marry him now, he thought. She may not even want anything to do with him. Dread mixed with embarrassment. 

"I'm so sorry, Scully" He repeated once she'd said nothing. He wanted to turn and face her, to see if he was hated by her now. He stayed with his back to her though, not wishing to make things worse. 

Suddenly he felt small hands on his back, rubbing and soothing over and over the muscles there. He jumped a little under her touch.

"It's okay, Mulder." Scully said in a small shy voice. 

Her heart was still hammering in her chest as it had been from the moment she'd seen him there. It was for a different reason now though, she thought. It was still fear but of a different nature. She wasn't sure what to make of it. 

She'd seen the look of shame on his face moments before he had turned from her with an apology. She'd seen the bulge in his trousers, known it was there because of her. Instead of the revulsion she'd felt with Mr Krycek she had felt a buzz of sheer excitement. 

She'd never been naked in front of someone else before, not since she was a small child, but she felt no real embarrassment at it. Besides, this was Mulder, *her* Mulder and she knew without question that everything she was and ever would be was safe with him. She trusted him, heart, body and soul. 

She had been extremely startled to see someone watching her but as soon as she'd seen that it was Mulder she had felt safe. Her heart hammered away in her chest, never slowing. 

"Scully, I..." He started but couldn't finish. He wished she could understand what she was doing to him, could see that he was holding onto his control by a thin, almost broken, thread. 

She was naked behind him! He thought he should get some kind of award for not turning on the spot and taking her in his arms, laying her on the bed and making love with her there and then. 

Her hands tightened on his sides, slid to his hips, and forced him to turn. He was, once again, amazed at the strength she had in her tiny body. He kept his head ducked down, he felt himself shaking. He wanted her *so* badly! Wanted to spend forever looking at her, touching her, loving her. 

Scully bent her head down and caught his eye's, forcing them up with her's, mere inches separated the two. 

"You can look at me" She whispered. Mulder let out an odd strangled groan and lifted his eyes to her. 

He instantly pulled her into a fierce kiss. 

If she'd had any slight worry before at all it evaporated as his lips met her's. Lips rubbed and stroked, tounges dueled and fought for dominance in first his mouth then hers. 

"Mmm..." Scully moaned in an annoyed manner as Mulder eventually parted from her and racked his eyes over her body again. He'd never seen a more beautiful woman. "Please" she moaned. 

She hadn't a clue what she wanted, what she was begging for, she just knew she didn't want the feeling to stop, not ever. Moisture pooled once more at her apex and started to slick down her thighs. 

It still worried her a little but she remembered Mulder telling her it was nothing to be worried about when they'd last had a serious kiss so she pushed the slight fear away. 

Mulder pulled her naked body back to his own the second she uttered out the desperate word. He kissed and sucked at her still wet neck. His hands tangling in her damp hair. "Ooo" She couldn't stand it anymore but at the same time she never wanted it to stop. 

Then he kissed her plump mouth again. He was like a man possessed. He couldn't get enough of her. He wanted everything at the same time. He wished for more hands, another mouth, anything that would enable him to touch and taste every part of her.

"Oh. Oh, yes" Scully panted out when they parted for a second. She kissed him again, the same frenzied pace. Teeth clicked slightly as they each tried to get even closer to the other. 

Mulder knew he'd told himself to go slow, knew he'd hate himself for taking advantage of her when she was so naive about sexual matters. He just couldn't help it though! She was so perfect. So unexplainably beautiful. He simply couldn't put words to the feelings flooding him. 

Scully could never have imagined something so amazing could exist. She met his frenzied kisses as best as she could. Her hips bucked of their own accord and she felt her sex throbbing, aching pleasently.

His hands slid up her sides, taking in the curve of her hips, up to her breasts. Frantic with an all encompassing *need*, a desire so strong he couldn't satisfy it quick enough.

"Ho. Mulder!" She cried out in amazement as his fingers teased at a stiff nipple. She had never thought that something could feel so good. She had never even fully considered him touching her *there*. She felt his head pull away from her neck and lick down to her left breast. 

He played, sucked and nipped gently at the nub. His other hand squeezed at her neglected right breast.

She couldn't even form thought, she was utterly past the point of any coherency.

"Uh, oh... ye eh ess" She moaned and panted, threading her fingers into his soft hair, clutching him to her. Her core was throbbing and clenching even more as he kept up his passionate assault.

Mulder pulled back up to her mouth, kissing her quickly, his tongue sloppy and lazy with lust. He started to back her up to the bed, completely unconcious of what he was doing. 

His cock throbbed in time with his heart. He'd never wanted someone so badly. He wanted to live within her body forever. 

Scully felt the bed at the back of her knees and fall with a soft thud onto it, breaking the contact of their lips. 

She grinned sheepishly up at him. It was in that moment, that *exact* second that he regained some control. He'd made a promise to himself. One he intended on seeing through. He couldn't be with her like this. Not with the ghost still around, not with what had happened today and not before they were even married. 

He reminded himself that most woman in Azure wanted marriage before sexual intercourse and if he remembered rightly those who were extremely religious viewed premarital sex as a sin. He would never let her do something that would make her feel badly once she realised the extent of it. He'd wait. They'd wait. 

Scully reached back up to him, her gorgeous ivory skin glistening in the sunlight as it poured in through the window. She went to pull him down to her. She didn't know what she wanted, her need for him was unfocused and desperate. 

"Scully, wait" Mulder said. He couldn't believe he had found the strength to stop. He gently pushed her arms off of him, standing up straighter. His cock ached terribly from being so hard and trapped for so long in his breeches. 

"What?... Mulder, please?" She begged again. She wanted his mouth back on her. *Anywhere* on her, but the way it had felt on her breasts had been exquisite so preferably there.

"Not now, Scully. Okay? I want to... I want *you*. Just.. not yet" He told her. Proud of himself for not giving into her pleading sea eyes. 

"Why? The horse shoe..." 

"That's not why" He handed her her habit, sure that not having to see her perfect body would help him keep his control. "I want to be married first" He told her. He kept his eyes down cast, not willing to test his control by looking at her. 

"But... I mean... don't you love me?" Her voice sounded sad, broken and rejected. 

"Yes... I love you, so much. More than my own life, Scully" He chanced a glance up at her when he heard fabric rustle and knew she must have slipped on her clean habit.

"Then why...?" He could hear the unspoken anger and rejection in her voice. Tears that she wouldn't allow to blanket her vision waited to be called on. 

"I want to be married. I want..." He sighed and sat beside her on the bed. "I want it to be perfect" He said. 

"I understand" she conceded in a whisper with a nod. She understood, she really did but she still felt a bitter sting at the fact he'd stopped. At the possibility that he might, in fact, not want her. Not the way she wanted him.

Her confusion and slight fear about sex had calmed to a simple frustration at not knowing what to expect. She wished she could feel it with him now but she supposed he did have a point, it was better to wait. 

Mulder leaned over her and pushed her drying hair back to help her with her veil. He placed delicate kisses over her neck and at the soft spot behind her ear.

"I do want you, Scully, so much it almost frightens me. I shouldn't have gotten carried away but... you have no idea what you do to me." 

"I want you that much too and I don't mind that you got, um, carried away" she flushed and Mulder wondered, once more, when he'd not melt at the sight.

"I'd promised myself we'd wait until everything was perfect. You know, the ghost, the wedding and now your cheek." He trailed off, kissing the crown of her head when her veil was in place. 

"I think that no matter what it'll be perfect but... You're right, I'd like to be your wife first" she admitted.

"Does that mean you forgive me?" He asked, his voice low and shy, almost frightened. Scully giggled and kissed his cheek.

"I don't think there's anything to forgive, Mulder" She said through another cute laugh. "I loved what you, um, were doing though. I think, perhaps, I'm the one who got carried away and should ask your forgiveness" 

By way of an answer he shook his head with a smile and pulled her into another searing kiss, moaning along with her each time their tongues met. 

Mulder pulled away slowly. He felt like such a selfish fool. He'd upset her with his inability to simply control himself. She was so gorgeous though. How could he not want her?

"I love you" He told her, wishing more than anything to make everything right again between them. They sat together on her small bed, his arms wrapped around her and her head at his shoulder.

"I love you, too" She said back with a smile. 

"How's your cheek?" He asked her after a long moment. His thumb kept making soothing circles on her as he held her tightly.

"It's okay. It hurts more now that the shock had worn off though" She said back, burrowing her smooth injury free cheek into him and savoring his small. 

"I wish I knew how to help" He said sadly, kissing her head again.

"Umm, I actually have some poppy seeds for pain" She told him with a small blush. 

"I didn't think you'd have had a chance to use any information from the book yet" 

"Oh, no I haven't. Remember I told you that many years ago I'd seen a book in the village about plants being medicinal?" Mulder nodded "well... I memorised one part of it before I had to leave. You can grow poppies and use the seeds to brew a tea. It's extremely good for pain relief. It did caution that it can become addictive but just this once..." she kept her eyes downcast as though she were ashamed "I haven't told anyone I keep the seeds. I shouldn't have read any of the book anyway. I hadn't payed for it" He frowned, not understanding why she felt badly. "It's like stealing" She blushed furiously. 

"I don't think so. Perhaps the information was meant for you. For this moment" He didn't believe in such things but Scully believed strongly that all things happened for a reason and he was more than happy to try and calm her.

Scully blinked and looked up at him, a small smile playing over her lips. "Maybe you're right. God does know and see all, even the future. Perhaps I was meant to know so that I could brew some for myself." She said.

Mulder pulled her into a gentle kiss. Savouring the gentle motion and loving the knowledge that he was the only man to have kissed her.

"If you give me the seeds and tell me what to do I can head to the kitchen and brew it for you" Mulder told her. 

"No, it's ok. I'll come with you." She said "I'm hungry anyway" she told him with a smile. 

"Oh, I meant to tell you that Sister Lucy saved you a baked potato for lunch."

"Mmm... I love baked potato. Was there cheese?" She asked excitedly, brushing her face over him slowly, a soothing gesture. 

"Yeah, there was" He smiled and kisses her head again. "Come on, sweetheart. We'll go and get you some lunch and brew your poppy tea" 

Scully nodded and stood up. He stood with her and pulled her into a gentle cuddle. He hoped that she was really fine and not holding any resentment or rejection because of what they'd done. 

Scully recognised the fear and slight tension in him but she couldn't think of how to chase it away. What they'd done while she was unclothed had been fantastic and she couldn't regret a moment of it. It had, however, left her with the odd feeling of being unfulfilled. She didn't feel at all rejected by Mulder but she supposed he still feared she did. She understood his desire to wait and shared it too. Making love for the first time was a big step, she was sure, and she too wanted it all to be perfect. 

She moved out of his hug and dipped a hand between her bed and mattress to retrieve the poppy seeds. She had keep them there out of the sunlight and out of sight. 

She clasped his hand in her's as soon as she put them in her pocket. She kept smiling gently at him, wishing to show him how happy he made her and how loved she felt. 

As they got to the door she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles. Then she let go of him completely. They each knew that outside of the sanctuary of her room and the horse shoe on the door any intimate contact might bring on a cruel attack from the spirit of Suzanna.

Once they made it to the kitchens they went behind the counter again. Mulder felt an unwelcome churn in his stomach at the reminder of the last time he'd been in that room. 

Mulder chose not to look at her at all. Not to bring on more of a panic in his mind or gut. 

"I'll just put a pot on to boil for the tea" Scully said breaking the tension that was between them.

"I'll get your lunch ready" Mulder said to her and went about fixing her a plate. He tried to make sure hers was the same as his. He had never been particularly good with food. It was probably as a result of his family having hired help all his life. He didn't need to prepare much.

"Thank you, Mulder" She said and started to crush up the seeds she'd measured out for her tea.

"Here you go" He smiled as he set her plate of lunch down on the counter. The water started to simmer, close to boiling. "You get your lunch. Do I just pour the cup full of water?" He asked as he looked into her cup of crushed seeds. 

"Mhm. Just fill it and leave it for 5-10 minutes" She told him as she got cutlery out for herself. 

Mulder poured the now boiling water into the cup and lifted up the hinged portion of the counter. "You wanna eat in the hall?" He asked. She just nodded. A little bit of lettuce leaf sat on her lip and he watched as her pink tounge came out and licked it into her mouth. He let out a small groan and she just smiled. 

She went around him and out into the main hall. Mulder grabbed the tea and followed. 

"So..." she started as he sat down with her "Did you have fun while I was asleep?" She asked, then started to delve into her food as though she was starving. 

"Yeah, it was fine. Sister Lucy told me to tell you that she was praying for a speedy recovery for your cheek" Scully smiled but then frowned. 

"How did she know my cheek got cut?" She asked.

"Umm..." Mulder tried to cast his mind back to exactly what had been said "Sister Betty told her, I think. She's making a dress for you, did you know?" Scully still had the same deep frown on her face and she'd stopped eating. Mulder couldn't be sure what was bothering her. 

"Sister Betty left before Suzanna showed up. How could she know that, Mulder?" 

Mulder's stomach lurched with his heart. What did that mean. He calmed himself as much as he could. A lead? No, it couldn't possibly be.

Scully shrugged "perhaps Mother Superior told her?" She said and started to eat more of her lunch.

"No. No, she couldn't have" His mind started making links between everything as quickly as he could. "She was in the court yard calming the other Sister's and then she went to her chamber's to pray" He forced himself to be calm, to try and stop himself from acting like a bloodhound on the trail. 

"Do you think... but, I mean... she's been ill." She stuttered out. Her fork poised mid air with food that wasn't being eaten. 

"I don't know... I think it's a lead though" He kept taking calm breaths. Sister Betty? What could she have to do with it? She was ill. Why did she know about Scully's cheek though? It all spun around and around in his mind. 

He was desperate to find out what it all meant but he knew he shouldn't leave Scully. Especially not in the place where it had all happened. He felt himself itching with the need to visit Mother Superior and find out if she had somehow told Sister Betty. That was the only explanation, wasn't it.

"It's okay, Mulder. Just go" Scully told him, reading his mind. 

"Suzanna could..." 

"Just go" She interrupted "bring me some salt just incase" she said to make him feel better about leaving her. 

"I'm just going to drink my tea once it's brewed and head back to bed." She felt badly that she wasn't able to go with him to investigate but her cheek really was starting to throb. 

"If you're sure" He sprung up from the bench. He was desperate to go to Pauline's but he needed to hear that Scully was truely okay with him leaving her. Scully nodded. She grinned a little at his boyish excitement. She'd seen it a few times now and it still thrilled her. He was so cute when he got like that. So single minded and passionate. 

Mulder rushed to grab her salt. He placed it beside her.

"Okay, I'll meet you back in your room" He practically left dust in his wake. Scully smiled affectionately and kept eating.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for your review's :-D they mean the world to me. I hope you like this chapter

Mulder started walking down the corridor towards Paulines chambers. He kept taking slow calming breaths and forcing himself to walk slowly. He knew he was being ridiculous for getting so excited. It couldn't all mean anything, could it? As Scully had said sister Betty had been ill so how could she possibly have anything to do with Suzanna's presence? It was all so confusing and his mind fumbled about from one idea to the next, trying desperately to make connections.

"Help!" A breathy voice tried to scream from just around the corner. 

Mulder set off at a run. Rushing around the corner. He didn't care what he found. He felt for sure it would be another attack from Suzanna but in the split instant it took to defend to run towards the voice he simply didn't care. He would help whoever it was

Blood. 

The stench of it hit him at the same moment the sight of it all penetrated.

Sister Lucy was stumbling towards him. Blood covered her blonde hair. Her veil sat some way behind her on the floor. She clutched at matted clumps of bloodied blonde, staggering like a drunk towards him. Blood spewed around her fingers from the wound. She stumbled, half supported by the stone wall, leaving a bloody smear along its surface as she got nearer.

She had been so kind earlier at lunch time and to see her now broke his heart. The terror in her eyes sliced at him.

Her face lit up the second she saw Mulder. He recognised the new look as hope and knew instantly that she saw him as a salvation. Under the surface of her hope still lay fear. Sheer fear, naked and whole. It morphed her whole face into the mask of terror again as she stumbled forward. His heart pounded as he walked quickly to her rapidly wilting body. 

He got to her and she collapsed into his arms. She seemed grateful for his presence, perhaps just grateful for another human. 

Her skin looked ashen everywhere except her head, ofcourse, and her mouth which blood now trickled out of, an almost frothy quality to it as it mixed with saliva. A steady stream of bubbled up crimson flowed from the corner of the woman's lips. He lowered them both to the floor gently. 

"Mulder?" Scully's voice came out from somewhere behind them. She sounded cautious, frightened. 

"Scully. Scully, I don't... She was just..." he stuttered out. Shock permeating through him. 

Scully ran over to the silent nun, Her eyes bugging out of her head as she took it all in. She stooped quickly to them.

Scully rubbed gently at the nuns arm's as Mulder cradled her head in his lap. 

"Lucy? Lucy, can you hear me? It's Dana. Sister Dana Katherine. I'm here" She said calmly to her. Her heart pounded with worry. It didn't look good. 

"She's bitten her tongue" Scully told Mulder when he reached to blot at the bloody froth.

"Dana?" Lucy's voice was a mere whisper now. Her eyes seemed to wander as she tried desperately to focus of Scully.

"Yes, It's me" She still rubbed her gently at her arms. "What happened, Lucy?" 

"Ghost" she swallowed around the bloody froth "Sister Betty" She drew in a shaky breath. Her breath sounded watery, raspy, like a kind of rattle. Lucy clutched tighter at her head wound and groaned in white hot agony.

Scully put her hand to sister Lucy's to pull it away and see the extent of her head injury. 

Lucy whimpered.

"It's okay, Lucy. Let me see. You're going to be fine" She said to her but feared it was a lie. 

As her fingers laced with Lucy's she pulled them away.

A huge thick chunk of skin lay loosely against her skull. White bone shone through, making the blood gushing out appear pink tinged at points. Scully turned her wide eyes to Mulder. A clear silent communication passing between them. Mulder swallowed down a gag.

"'M cold, dana" more blood gushed from her. It seemed to *pulse* out of her head wound. Mulder thought in a detached way that it was in time to Lucy's slowing heart beat. 

"I know, Lucy. It's okay." Her eyes stung. "Why don't you go for a little rest?" She told her in a calm voice that Mulder felt proud of her for. They both knew Lucy was fighting a very welcoming darkness. 

"Mhm, tired" She groaned. Scully rubbed her hand, blood slicking the motion 

"Sleep now, Lucy" Scully told her softly. She brushed the woman's face in soothing strokes with her blood free hand. The nuns eyes fluttered and closed. Her legs thudded to the floor, twisting into an unnatural crumple.

Then she was still. 

Mulder and Scully sat in silence for a few seconds. Each shaken to the core by what had just happened. 

"She's gone, Mulder" Scully said breaking the silence. It was as though she was saying it to convince both of them that Lucy had indeed passed on. "Atleast she wasn't alone". She added in a whisper, Mulder's face swirling before her as tears blurred her vision. She swallowed and blinked.

"Yeah" he agreed but he felt like his mind wasn't in the moment, it wasn't actually telling his mouth to form the words. No, his mind was far away, stunned and shaken so badly and doing nothing but focusing on the dead woman still in his lap.

"What are you doing here anyway?" He asked her once he snapped back to reality minutes later. He knew himself he was asking to try and take both of their minds off of what had just happened.

"I was just walking to my room and I seen you and sister Lucy..." She trailed off a little "I only drank half my tea. Didn't want to over do it in case you needed help" She finished with a humourless smile. 

"I'm glad you came by. I think she, um, was eased by your presence" he said. He wasn't sure how much more his stomach could handle talking about the death of sister Lucy. It flipped and flopped around, churning up his baked potato lunch. 

They fell into an awkward silence again. Neither sure what to do now. 

"I'll... I'll go and tell Mother about Lucy" Scully said to him, averting her eyes from the cooling body. "We should confront sister Betty" 

"Is that wise?" He asked her. He didn't want to risk Scully in anyway and from the very little sister Lucy had said sister Betty was definitely in cahoots with Susanna. He wasn't sure how the pieces slotted together but he didn't really want Scully to be somehow hurt while they found out. Scully sighed.

"You don't need to protect me, Mulder." She told him firmly. "I will not stand idly by as more of my sister's fall" Her eyes pricked once more with tears but she pushed them away. She was becoming very good at holding back her emotions, compartmentalizing them until a safe time to feel the weight of them. 

"Okay. I'll stay with her" he whispered. It sounded ridiculous as the woman was no longer there to be protected but he just couldn't leave her all alone on the cold floor 

"Thank you" Scully said softly. She leaned over and kissed the crown of his head. She didn't care if the ghost saw. Couldn't give a damn about it anynore. Suzanna had already taken too much from her she decided. 

Scully stood up slowly, her legs felt jelly like. She wiped her hands absently on her robes. Trying in vain to rid them of her fallen sister's blood. It couldnt be removed, pooling at her nails and cuticles. Her hands felt sticky and hot as though they would never be clean again. Her bottom lip shook.

She didn't dare turn back to the scene. She didn't think she could bare to see Lucy's dead body laying on the floor. The bitterly cold floor that was leaching heat from her tender body in death, heat that could never be given back. She would stay cold now. Scully felt herself swallow a scream at that thought and walked on unsteady legs to Mother Superiors chambers. 

Mulder sat alone cradling sister Lucy. He could feel her blood dripping through his pants, leaving him, physically, sticky and uncomfortable. Mentally and emotionally he was sickened by it, nauseous to the point of pain. This poor woman he'd only meet once lay dead in his lap and he could not help but blame himself. 

If he'd been quicker to see the connections she wouldn't have been killed. He hated himself for a moment, wallowing in self pity. It was just for a moment but he wished it had been him. He wished he could take her place. Save her.

"Oh my Lord in heaven" Came the booming voice of the Mother Superior. Mulder looked up just in time to see her crossing herself. His eye flitted to Scully, although she had her stoic mask firmly in place again, Mulder could see tracks on her cheeks. Tears shed for Lucy and hidden from Mulder. 

"We must move her. She cannot stay on the cold floor. She deserves better than that" Pauline said in an eerily calm voice. "Sister Dana Katherine may I ask that you send for the appropriate authority's and close this corridor to the other's until we can move her." Scully started to nod at her.

"I, I can lift her" Mulder said. He, atleast, could do that one small thing. He felt useless enough in the situation but atleast he could help move her. 

He saw the Mother Superior let out a long breath, visibly deflating.

"Yes." She took in a breath "Yes, can you take her to my chambers?" She asked. 

"Yes, ofcourse" Mulder gave her a small smile but it did not touch his eyes. He liked Pauline, he has ever since he met her and he didn't even hesitate about leaving Scully unprotected with her.

Mulder stood and lifted up Lucy, cradling the small woman like a baby. She felt heavy, a dead weight, so he spread his legs to stop himself falling or, worse, dropping her. She felt like such precious cargo. 

"I'll take her there now" he started to walk away from them, taking with him the stench of death and blood. It filled his nostrils, clawed up his throat and tried to choke him. He understood now why so many of the books he had read featured Death as an actual being. One capable of thoughts and, indeed, cruel actions. The smell was like his calling card. Death chuckling to all and stating 'I have been here'

"Just place her on my bed" Pauline said to his back. Scully wanted to reach out, to take away the pain she saw in him. To somehow heal them all. To take back what had happened. Everything had been going so well.

Mulder walked to Pauline's room's with Lucy laying limp in his arms. He'd held and picked up a fair few woman in his life but he'd never have imagined how much more difficult it was to keep a prone woman secure in his arms. He managed though and refused to let panic and upset creep into him. He knew full well if he let it all in he would collapse under the weight of the pain. 

He felt like a shadow, a shell of the man he was just hours ago as he had held his love, Scully, in his arms. The twisted mirror of it didn't escape him as he lay the dead nun on the bed. He should have been doing it to Scully under completely different circumstances. Laying her sweet body gently down and making love to her. He let a tiny sob escape, nearly silent but loud in the room. 

He watched Lucy for a moment. His mind not quite able to process it all. Not able to fathom why the beautiful young woman wasn't able to just pop back into her body and rise from the bed. She looked like she could be simply sleeping if he ignored the congealed rust coloured blood that sat like curdled jelly over her head and down one side of her face. He was lost in a blank state of mind when he heard it.

Scully screamed.

Mulder ran as fast as he could out the room, down the hall and back to where Pauline stood.

"She took her. The spirit. They are in Sister Betty's room" Pauline rushed out in a stuttering whimper looking panic-stricken and pale. 

Mulder didn't stop to find out anything more. He just ran where her finger pointed, following the screaming of Scully.


	15. Chapter 15

Mulder got to Betty's room an instant later. He felt his breath leave him in a woosh as he entered the room. The door banged off the wall as he slammed it open.

Scully sat tied to a chair, her head bowed. He couldn't see her eyes at that moment and for some reason that panicked him even more than the ghost hovering around her shaking body.

Suzanna's form floating around her, crying, wailing in what sounded to Mulder like anguish. He had no idea what to do. He wished he had had a moment or two to think about it all. A second to find answers, to prepare for the situation.

Sister Betty stood against the wall. She looked almost proud. 

"So nice of you to join us lover boy." She said, flicking through a large leather book.

"Let her go!" He shouted. He was not sure who he was shouting at, Susanna or sister Betty. He didn't care. It just felt good to shout for a moment. He knew neither of them were going to free the scared woman bound before him.

"Mulder." Scully whimpered his name like a prayer 

"I rather think not" Sister Betty said in a commanding voice and an almost sarcastic chuckle. He didn't think he'd ever heard her talk before this but he knew the voice intimately, pure evil. It dripped like venom from her. It was something straight out of the nightmares that often plagued him.

"deliciaeque meae Latris claude ostium" She said towards Suzanna's ghost. She sobbed, a heart wrenching noise that somehow sent a flash of pity through his body, and went toward Mulder. He flinched away, fearing the unintelligible words meant death. The spirit shut the door. 

His breathing felt thick and heavy. He panted in the air like a dog. His fear making his lungs scream for oxygen. Shouting at him to supply some more of the eternally used substance to pump through his cells and make his brain work better. 

"Why are you doing this?" Mulder asked Betty in as steady a voice as he could manage. Even to his own ears it sounded meek, fear tainting it. 

Scully shifted again in the chair. He would do anything to free her but he just couldn't think of what to do. He hated himself for that. He knew that so long as sister Betty was focused on him she couldn't harm Scully so he prayed he was enough of a distraction. He dare not take a step towards his love and drew attention to her. His feet were cemented, momentarily, to the floor.

Betty took a deep breath and turned to face him completely. He was glad for that. Perhaps his idea of distracting her was a good one. Suzanna sobbed again, or was that Scully?

Sister Betty's face was red with anger, her eyes seemed to spark with it. She had a cruel smile, something that made her face twisted and evil. Could it be called a smile when it sent anxiety and panic through him?

"You wanna know why?!" She strode over to a wooden bowl and started smashing at something in it with a spoon. He wished he knew what she was doing! Or perhaps it was better not to know.

"Why is it always these young stupid little sluts that get all the attention? Why do men fall all over them? I've done everything, *everything* for God" She practically spat the word "and what did I get?!... *nothing*!!! Not one single person has paid me any attention!" She was fuming and shaking. She pounded the spoon faster, her anger making the crushing harder.

"That's what this is about?! Not having a lover? How dare you..."

"ENOUGH!" Sister Betty interrupted him. "Huc Susanna" She screamed at the spirit, throwing a match into the bowl. Mulder saw a thick grey plume of smoke rise from the bowl. The room was filled with the stench of decay. Of something corrosive and rotten. He wanted to gag. He glanced at Scully who was still fidgeting. He wondered what she was doing.

Mulder felt a chill flutter past him, breaking him from his slight daze. He turned to see the spirit floating past him. He had no idea how to speak Latin and that's what it sounded like she was speaking. It was a dead language, perhaps older than his families wealth. Suzanna clearly understood it and advanced on Scully.

Scully obviously sensed her coming and lifted her head. She cast her eye's around, never quite meeting Mulder's. He suspected she was panicking and couldn't chance that she may break down if she saw the fear in his eyes. 

She'd been trying to get free the whole time they were talking. Her hands were tied behind her back with some kind of rope. She had rubbed and twisted constantly. Panic bubbling up her throat the whole time since Suzanna had grabbed her.

She had hauled her by the hair away from Mother Superior. Scully had been kicking and screaming in a way she would be ashamed of at any other time as she pulled her into the room. Sister Betty had been laughing and smiling the whole time.

Scully wasn't accomplishing much other than to rub her wrists raw against the rugged fibre. She tried anyway. She *had* to be free. She didn't want to die!

Betty picked up the large, heavy looking, book and scowled at him.

"Do you think you'll still want her when that pretty little face is scarred?" She growled out.

"Suzanna, aperire ei vulnere" She told her in a deathly sounding voice. Suzanna sobbed once more and then she was on Scully, raising one of her gnarled hands.

"No! No, please. Let her go. Take me! Take me instead. Please!" He shouted at Betty, storming towards her. His movements quick and focused. Distracting her had obviously not worked.

"No. Ahhh!" Scully screamed. It jarred through Mulder as though her pain was his own. He flicked his eyes back to Scully. Her cheek was gashed open again. 

"Scully!" He shouted. Not sure what else he could do at that moment. The stitches had been broken by Suzanna, ripped down and out by her talon like finger. Blood oozed out of the reopened wound. He heard Scully sob once but saw no tears. She was so brave, always, even in this horrific moment.

Scully redoubled her efforts. Twisting and writhing against the ropes desperately. Her wrists were bloody and the friction felt worse with the added liquid. Still she tried. The fibres splitting and cutting at her delicate flesh.

Mulder made to grab for Sister Betty. To throttle her, strangle her with his bare hands. He felt nothing but hatred for the woman. He was prepared to kill her if he had to. Anything to protect his love. He knew he didn't have a chance to stop Suzanna. What hope could he have of even touching some incorporeal being never mind stopping her.

"Nu, no" Scully said. A plea in her voice. Beckoning his eyes back to her. She was shaking, terrified but still so determined looking. She shook her head at him. Betty spoke a single word. Mulder couldn't make it out but Susanna did. She made to swipe at Scully again. To end her as she had Lucy. "Book. Book!" Scully screamed out. 

Mulder knew exactly what she meant from just that one word. He back handed Betty across the room. She crumpled to the floor after hitting her bedside table. 

He snatched up the book. Susanna covered Scully's form, cutting into her forearms, reaching around her body to where her wrists were tied.

Scully's screams filled the room. Tortured agonising screams. High pitched and blood curdling.

Mulder glanced back at Scully. She had cuts over her arms now. She was bloodied an sobbing openly. Huge deep lacerations travelled down the length of her forearms, from elbow to shredded wrist. Her life flowed from them, crimson and unnatural. Blood was not meant to leak out of the body! Certainly not Scully's and not in front of him. Her tendons stood out in a bright yellow white against the red. Mulder's gut churned in a soul destroying fear. Her arm's reminded him of mince and her head bobbed as her strong consciousness started to fade. 

She tried to ignore the thick liquid pouring from her and she blinked away tears. She would *not* show this foul thing fear. Her last moments, if that is what they were, would not be spent in incapacitating horror. She drew on all her strength and lifted her head. If this was truly her end she had to see him! Had to see Mulder once more!

If he was the last thing she saw of this world she knew she could die with peace. He saw her bravery shine in the depths of her eyes but over and above the bravery he saw an acceptance. He hated that more than if he saw terror. More than if she'd started to cry. To scream at him to somehow make what was happening fade away, to blur like a messy water colour, leaving them both whole and happy with each other. There was none of that in her eyes though and She gave him a thin gentle smile. She was accepting. Happy to go quietly into the night and in that second he did what she had wanted.

He thrust the book into the oil filled sconce of the room. 

It caught instantly. He felt so proud of his grandfather for once in his life. So utterly grateful that the oil he'd discovered burned so hot, so well. The fire blazed, lighting up and illuminating the face of the startled nun. 

"No" Betty gasped, scrambling from the floor. A fear tainting her voice. One Mulder had not expected her capable of.

Suzanna screamed. An ear piercing sound that seemed to vibrate through the thick feeling air of the room. She twisted around the woman fumbling to stand.

Then she lunged. 

She screamed and clawed at Sister Betty savagely. Sister Betty fell back to the floor. Her hands desperately trying to push away Suzanna. Her hand hit nothing solid, floating through her gas like body.

Panic filled her eyes and then Suzanna's talon fingers started scratching over and over at the woman face. Mulder cringed when he caught sight of the bloodied hollows left of her eye's. Suzanna's lips curled around her teeth, bared like a dog as she kept gashing at Sister Betty in rage. Mulder knew she could see no more and he turned away. Blood sprayed around, splattering the walls with small dots of crimson. 

Mulder rushed for Scully. Frantically hauling at her bindings. She had stopped moving, completely still, her head lolling on her neck.

"Scully? Scully!?" She made a very small grunt and an effort to move. Then she grunted and sat still.

Betty's horrified screams had stopped suddenly with a gargle but he could still see Suzanna hacking and clawing at her lifeless body. The lifeless body twitched and jumped with every slash.

"Come on, sweetheart. Wake up. We're going to get married. You can't sleep through it" he tried to make a small joke as he felt the ropes loosen, tears swimming in his eyes, hysteria rising, leaving his small laugh sounding manic. 

He got them free with his shaking, fumbling hands. Scully slumped forward on the chair. Huge gashes clearer now on the inside of both her forarms. "No. No, come on. Please, Scully. Please! You can't leave me. I just found you. Please." He blinked back tears. "Dana" He whispered through a sob.

"I love you. I love you so much, sweetheart" he clutched at her limp frame. 

Movement caught his eye. 

Susanna floated toward them silently. She seemed different now. Less malevolent. She reached for Scully.

"No. Stop. You've done enough! Stop" Mulder wanted to run. To get away from the threat she brought with her but he couldnt. He would never leave Scully and he didn't want to move her. He decided that if her life ended then so would his. It didn't matter what Suzanna did. He'd go gladly with Scully. He'd follow her anywhere, even into deaths waiting arm's.

Mulder cuddled Scully as protectively as he could. Almost like a scared new father would cradle his new born. He would let no one touch her! 

"Forgive me" came an ethereal voice. It sounded like the whisper of a thousand different woman. It took Mulder a moment to realise the spirit was the one who had spoken. She reached tenderly past Mulder's protective embrace. He hesitated just a moment and let Suzanna touch her. The light was leaving Scully, he could almost feel it. He almost shuddered at the cold he felt from her waning warmth. Suzanna smiled gently at him and placed her hands on Scully's arms. As long as Mulder lived he'd never be able to explain how it happened but he *saw* it. He saw the pooled blood retreat into Scully's cut arm's and cheek. He saw the cut on her cheek close up slowly. Then her arm's returned to their normal smooth ivory. He gaped in disbelief at the ghost.

"I can undo what I have done to some extent. I am only sorry I cannot bring back those that have passed on" 

Scully's breathing started to return to normal. Her eyes flickered open in a dreamy fashion and eventually focused on his face. 

"Oh, Scully. For a moment I thought I'd lost you" he told her as he stroked at the nape of her neck.

"For a moment there you did" She said with a small shy grin. "What happened?" She asked. Her voice was groggy.

"Later. I'll tell you everything later okay. You need to get some rest" he told her. He desperately wanted them to go back to her room and sleep. To get far away from this nightmare. Safe, once more, in the sanctuary of one another's embrace.

"Mulder, it's only dinner time" she said with another small chuckle,   
She seemed slightly disoriented, giddy even, but she didn't seem harmed physically beyond rug burned wrists.

"I know but...we could do with the rest, don't you think" he brushed some escaped hair from her face. "How're you feeling?"

"I feel great. That tea must have worked. I can't exactly remember... I mean, did Lucy...?" She struggled with her own memory. Surely things couldn't have happened the way she recalled them. 

"I am afraid she has passed on. I cannot retrieve that which is lost to this worl" Suzanna said in a sorrow filled whisper. Scully jumped in Mulder's arms. She hasn't even noticed the spirits presence before then. She had been too lost in Mulder's eye's.

"Mulder. She's..." 

"It's okay. She healed you. I think, I think it's okay now" he said, trying to calm her. He couldn't exactly pinpoint what had changed in her spirit but she exuded calm now. He could feel it coming off of her in waves. It radiated around them.

"Wha... how? I..." Scully stuttered. 

"Sister Betty controlled me with that book. She found out where I was buried and forced me back in to this realm with magic. The book your Mulder destroyed freed me from her imposed shackles. I beg your forgiveness for what I have done" She sounded as if she could weep. 

"I, I don't understand. Why?" Scully was being her usual brave self even faced with a talking spirit. One which had tried to kill her no less. 

"She envied the love of other's. She knew what I had done... how I had committed the sin of suicide rather than face my love so she forced me to punish those who were, in her eye's, unfit to be holy Sister's" 

"She did this with a book?" Scully's fingers kept running over and over Mulder's torso subconsciously.

"Yes. That and some necessary materials such as herbs and grave dirt. She controlled me. It was not healthy for her and she became ill with the weight of my spirit. She fainted many times. I grew stronger in the time between incantations and she grew weak with the struggle of holding me to her will." She trailed off. A strong misery seemed to encompass her, flooding out of her replacing the calm. Scully wobbled in the seat.

"Come on, Scully. Let's get you to bed." It was clear her adrenaline was wearing off and she needed to sleep or atleast rest. 

"Yes. You must rest. I cannot leave this place so I can answer any questions you have for me after you recover I shall be in your beautiful garden's if that is alright?" Suzanna told her. 

"Why can't you leave?" Scully's eyes drooped as she asked. 

"Since she brought me back I cannot leave until I have peace in my soul. It is not the natural way of things. I suppose it is my punishment" She said. They all heard what she was not saying. She wouldn't ever have peace. Scully sagged again. 

"Alright. Come on you." Mulder told her as he picked her up.

"Mmphf" was her only response and then he felt her grow heavy and sleepy in his arms.

He mouthed thank you to Suzanna and left the room. He'd put Scully to bed and then inform Mother Superior of all that had happened. They'd need the authorities here to help with the bodies, he knew that. 

He opened Scully's chamber door. Smiling to himself at the horse shoe and then tucking her in. She rolled right over and went to sleep. 

Scully reached out in her slumber for Mulder. He didn't go. He knew if he settled with her he'd fall asleep and he had too much to do.

He kissed her lovingly on the cheek and pulled the covers tighter around her. He left her sleeping blissfully.


End file.
